Giving Up

Chapter 6 part 2

James hung his head as he walked into the hospital. There was a police officer standing at the entrance of Lillie's hospital room. The officer checked Jamie's ID, because they were making sure her attacker didn't show up at the hospital. Lillie was asleep with the help of anesthetics and James started to cry when he looked at her. His heart was breaking. He looked her over, noticing how her eye was blackened; her lip was covered with dry blood, her face swollen. He noticed the hand print bruises on her arms where her attacker must have gripped her to hold her down. James sat in the chair next to her bed and let himself sob. He blamed himself. He thought he should have kept a better eye on her. He should have made sure no one was still at the party. He let himself relax and drink, and because of it, his baby was hurt. He didn't think Lillie would ever forgive him for what he had done and that was okay with him. He would never be able to forgive himself.

James gently held Lillie's hand and leaned his head against her bed and cried. He stroked her fingers with his, and just let himself break down. He hated seeing her like she was. He would make sure that he did everything in his power to keep her safe for the rest of her life. Even if she didn't want to be with him because of what he said to her, he was going to find a way to keep her safe. James was still crying with his head down on her bed and his eyes close when he felt her fingers move in his hand. He lifted her head to look at her, and she had tears in her eyes.

Lillie looked at James and the tears came to her eyes, she didn't know why he was there, but didn't want him to see her the way she was. When she woke up, she saw that he was holding her hand and crying. She couldn't stand seeing him in pain. He looked at her, and the tears fell from her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but she squeezed his hand and shook her head no. "James, don't say anything. I want you to go. Please leave." She started sobbing softly.

"I can't leave you Lilly Pad. I love you, and I know I hurt you, but please don't make me leave." He just looked at her with pain in his eyes. If she asked him to go again, his heart would break the rest of the way. He needed her to let him stay and watch over her. "I cannot leave you, don't make me go. Let me stay Lil, let me stay here with you."

Lillie looked at him with softness in her eyes. She knew that someone must have told him what happened to her, because otherwise he wouldn't be there. "I'm going to be just fine James. I don't want you to see me like this. I have gone through hell already, and having you look at me with that sadness in your eyes is killing me." She lifted his hand to her mouth and gently kissed his hand, wincing with pain and she bumped her swollen lips. "Please, don't look at me like that. I don't need your pity, and I don't need to you to feel sorry for me. I will get through this, but I need you to leave."

"Lillie, I know I hurt you. I know that I can never take back what I said, and I know that I broke your heart. I don't expect you to forgive me, but let me stay." He tried to stay strong for her. He didn't want to break down and cry. He felt her let go of his hand, and he closed his eyes to fight the tears. He was about to lose the only thing that meant anything to him.

Lillie felt her heart soften for Jamie. Without saying a word, she could see the guilt in his eyes. She couldn't make him leave knowing that he blamed himself. She didn't want him to go do something stupid. She reached for his hand, and when she noticed that it was full of little cuts and bruises, she lifted her eyes to meet his. "Jamie, what happened to you?"

"Don't worry about me baby, my hands are nothing compared to your injuries. I just want to stay here with you and make sure you are okay. I can't stand the pain you went through, the pain I put you through." He tried to choke back his tears, but to no avail. "I love you Lillie." He tried to force the words out but they only came in a soft whisper. "Please forgive me."

"You didn't do anything wrong Jamie. I don't blame you, this wasn't your fault. I wish that your reaction had been different, but I don't blame you for getting mad. You didn't know." She squeezed his hand and forced herself to be strong. Ever since her attack, the only thing she was worried about was losing him, and she knew now that he wasn't going anywhere. She kept hearing his harsh words echo in her head, but she tried to force them to go away.

"Lillie, I shouldn't have said what I said. I should have known that something was wrong, that you wouldn't do that to me no matter how drunk you were. I should have known that you needed me. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me for walking away from you. I will make it up to you if I have to spend my entire life trying to do so." He leaned up and kissed her forehead and wiped away her tears, and he couldn't help but notice the way she flinched.

"All that matters is that you are here now. I love you, Jamie." She forced a small smile and closed her eyes. She had been sleeping on and off through the hours that had passed since she came to the hospital, but she still felt weak and tired. She refused to be sedated again and allowed herself to fall asleep holding Jamie's hand. As she faded into sleep she whispered. "Please don't leave me Jamie."

Lillie didn't know how long she had been sleeping when she woke up to voices in her room. The doctor, a nurse, and a police officer were all standing there talking to James. When they noticed her open her eyes, the officer went to her side. "I just wanted to tell you that we caught him. The guy that did this to you has done this before. His DNA was in the system, and he is in custody. The district attorney will be contacting you in the next day or so to talk to you about where we go from here." He smiled weakly, nodded his head, and left the room.

"Lillie, we need to take you for an MRI, we need to check the status of your internal bleeding." Before she could respond to the doctor, her vision went black and she went unconscious. It seemed like the world just faded away from her. She heard noises but couldn't place what they were. She thought she heard James yelling her name, but she couldn't quite tell and couldn't respond.

"Sir, I am going to have to ask you to step outside." The doctor looked at James forcefully as a nurse escorted him out the door. He stood in the hallway with Kay and Seth as different nurses and doctors went in and out of Lillie's room, and he heard them call a code blue over the intercom. He heard himself scream as he dropped to his knees, held his head and cried for her. He couldn't lose her. He needed Lillie because without her, his life was nothing.

Kay had called Lillie's parents, and they showed up right as the code was called. Her mother looked scared, and didn't know what was going on. Kay went to her and wrapped her arms around Lillie's mom. She explained what happened, and that things didn't look good at the moment, but they were waiting for the doctor. Kay held Lillie's mom Sheila, as she lost her balance, and Kay slid to the floor with her.

After what seemed like forever, the doctor approached them. He introduced himself to Lillie's parents and sat next to them. "Your daughter took quite a beating. She sustained some internal injuries. After CPR, she is stable. We had to rush her into surgery to repair the tear in her liver. She should be out of surgery in a couple hours, but for now it is just a waiting game."

James couldn't bring himself to sit near Kay or Lillie's parents. He hadn't met them yet and didn't want to introduce himself to them under these circumstances. He stayed by himself, sitting on the floor in the corner of the room crying and praying. He couldn't lose her. She was only 23 and had so much life left to live. He couldn't imagine not seeing her every day or holding her close to him. She had to survive. He cried until he passed out holding his head against his knees.

James woke up when Kay slid down next to him and rubbed his back. "James, she's out of surgery. Her parents are in with her now. They were able to repair the tear, but she is in a coma." Kay had refused to let herself break down in front of Lillie's parents because they needed someone to stay strong, but she leaned her head on Jamie's shoulder and cried. He put his arm around her waist and held her while she cried. It was his turn to stay strong, and he would do it if it killed him.

"Kay, she will make it. She has to. She will wake up, and she will be okay." He didn't understand why her best friend was being so kind to him, after everything he had done; he didn't expect anyone to like him. "This is my fault, and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me." He felt like he deserved to be hated. He deserved to have Seth punch him in the face and have Kay scream at him. He deserved to have Lillie's dad tell him to leave the hospital and stay away from his daughter. He failed Lillie when she needed him the most and she was in a coma because of it.

Kay looked at James through her tears and could see how broken up he was. "James, it's no more your fault than it is mine or Seth's. We were there too, we didn't see the guy go down to her room, and we didn't keep her safe either." She choked out the words, because she too blamed herself for not knowing that something was wrong. James just held her against him and together they cried. They both sat on the floor of the hospital waiting room hating themselves for letting down the one person who had never let either of them down. They were both devastated that the person they loved the most in the world was teetering between life and death, and they both questioned what they should have done differently.