Giving Up

Chapter 13 part 2

"Okay Lillie, one more push and your daughter will be here." The doctor called out to her. Lillie had been in an extreme amount of pain, but when offered the pain medicine, she declined it. It took a lot for the nurses and the doctor to keep Lillie calm as she was very worried about the baby being two and a half months early.

Lillie grabbed behind her knees and pushed with all of her strength. She kept pushing until she heard the doctor announce the arrival of her daughter. Lillie started to panic because she didn't hear the baby crying, but soon the doctor put a tiny little baby girl up on Lillie's belly, and asked James if he wanted to cut the cord. Lillie looked at her daughter and realized that something wasn't quite right.

"What is the matter with her? Why isn't she crying? She is blue! Will someone tell me what is going on?" Lillie started to freak out because once James cut the cord; the nurses very quickly took the baby from Lillie and crossed the room. Lillie tried getting out of the bed, but no one would let her. "Tell me what is wrong with my daughter!"

"Lillie, your daughter was born very early. Her lungs were not fully developed and neither were most of her other organs. We will have to have her in an incubator for a while, and assist her with breathing and growing to full term. She will be in the NICU, which is the neo-natal intensive care unit, until she has grown and developed properly. There are some risks, and a slight chance that she will not make it, but at this time that risk seems low." The doctor set his hand on top of Lillie's hand to try to calm her. "Once the nurses have her in the NICU and she is settled in, we will let you go see her." The doctor left Lillie and James alone.

"Jamie, I am scared." Lillie whispered. "Why do all these bad things keep happening to our family? Have I done something wrong?" She started crying, and James held her while fighting back his own tears. He was as broken as Lillie at the moment, but was trying hard to be strong for her. James felt very weak and just wanted to cry with Lillie for everything that was happening. In one day, he lost his father and had to welcome his daughter into the world and she was very sick and weak.

One of the nurses came into the room, which interrupted James from his thoughts and stopped Lillie from crying. "Mr. and Mrs. Michaels, I wanted to let you know that your baby girl weighs 2 pounds 9 ounces and is sixteen inches long. She seems to be fairly healthy under the circumstances and is doing well with the incubator. We are going to have you start using the breast pump immediately so that your body starts producing for her. We were also wondering if you had any names picked out yet."

Lillie looked back and forth between the nurse and James. They had discussed a few names but never settled on one because they thought they had more time. At the realization that they were not prepared for the baby, Lillie started to cry again. She quickly gained her composure, and after answering the nurse's question, she had the nurse set her up with the breast pump. After a short while, both Lillie and James were taken to the NICU to see their daughter.

After about an hour, James left Lillie sitting in the NICU and went to the visitors lounge to use the computer. He checked his email, and starting doing some searching online. He wanted to read about other babies that were born premature to see what they were up against, and then he decided to do some more searching for the perfect name for their daughter.

Lillie was glad that James said he wanted to go rest for a bit, and she sat in a rocking chair right next to the little glass housing that her daughter was in. She decided to sing because she wanted to sooth her baby, and because whenever she sang, it seemed to sooth her own soul. She sang 'Amazing Grace' repeatedly until the nurse came to take her back to her room.

James went back to the NICU and realized that Lillie was no longer there. He went and said a silent prayer over his daughter and admired just how beautiful she was. He thought he found her the perfect name, so he went to find his wife and talk to her about it. He was hoping that she would agree on just how perfect the name was for their little girl.

"Lilly Pad, how do you like the name Avariella Joy Michaels? Avariella means 'small, strong woman'. I thought it fit her very well." James leaned in and hugged his wife and he saw the smile that landed upon her face.

"Avariella; I think it fits her perfectly." Lillie smiled at him, but he could still see the sadness in her eyes. "We could call her Ava, Avery, or Ella for short."

"I was thinking we could call her AJ. Avariella Joy." He said, while pulling up a chair next to his wife's bed. He rested his head against her.

"Actually honey, I think we should name her Avariella Jaxon Michaels. After your father, but spell it with an X." She looked warily at her husband, not knowing how he would react to her mentioning his father.

"That would be wonderful baby. And, I can still call her AJ. She is beautiful, and my father really would have loved her. Today is such a bitter sweet day." He noticed the tears rolling down his face, but did nothing to remove them. He stayed strong for as long as he could, and he knew he was going to cry and just didn't care.

Lillie held her husband while he sobbed. She knew that his tears were for many things. Her husband had been so strong for her since the beginning of their relationship, and she knew that he needed to let out all of his worries and sadness that he had held back for so long. He cried for the birth of their daughter, for his father, and for all of the events that had shaken their lives in the past several months. After James stopped crying, Lillie told him that he should go home and sleep, and that he needed to also go be with his family the following day. She assured him that she would call him if anything changed.

James was reluctant to leave the hospital, but after going back to see Avariella, he forced himself to leave. He was going to go home and take a shower and go to bed, but he decided to go to his mom's house instead. His brother and sister were still there when he arrived. Kari, Jackson, and Anna had all been sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee when he arrived. They had been waiting for news about the baby, because James made them all stay back. He didn't want Lillie crowded at the hospital, and he didn't want to take the attention away from planning his dad's funeral.

James passed a picture around the table and told his family of the name they had picked out. They all approved, and with tears in their eyes said just how beautiful the new member of their family was. James showered at his mom's, and decided to sleep there that night. The next day, the whole family was going to go out to the hospital to welcome the new baby into their family. Then, they would finish the plans for Jack's funeral. It was going to be a long time before everything settled down, and they all knew that nothing would truly go back to normal.