Giving Up

Chapter 13

 "Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you know that James and I are here whenever you need us." Lillie placed her arms around her mother-in-law and hugged her tight. She felt Anna's body start to shake and knew that she was about to cry again. Lillie stroked Anna's hair and just held her while she cried. "It's okay Anna, it is okay to cry." Lillie whispered.

Anna pulled back from Lillie and looked her in the eyes. "I am sorry; I shouldn't be leaning on you! You're not even supposed to be out of bed!" Anna took Lillie by the arm and walked her over to the couch. "I appreciate you being here, but you are going to sit and rest. I am going to have a word with your husband." Anna started to walk away before Lillie could argue.

"James, I am disappointed in you. You know how stressful this is going to be, planning your father's funeral arrangements and all. Why did you bring Lillie here? She is supposed to be in bed. You should have stayed home or found someone to stay with her since she isn't supposed to be worrying about anything!" Anna was scolding him, but she still had a soft look in her eyes which told James that his mom was glad to have her family with her. She hugged her son after yelling at him.

"Mother, believe me I tried to keep her home. I couldn't keep her away. Jackson even gave Kay the day off to sit with Lil, but she is stubborn and made a speech about family and refused to let me leave without her. Plus, I couldn't really come without telling her what had happened. I know she shouldn't worry or be stressed but I wasn't going to lie to her about Dad." James hung his head low. James was instantly overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and grief just from mentioning his father.

Lillie rested on the couch while Anna and her children sorted out the plans and arrangements. Lillie dozed off on the couch and drifted into a dream. In her dream she was walking through a field of flowers, much like the one Anna had next to the house. As she walked, she held her belly and sang to her unborn child. She was right in the middle of a song when she gripped her stomach and let out a horrifying scream. She didn't know if anyone would be able to hear her because she was a distance away from the house and she was afraid that she would give birth in the field.

James heard Lillie scream a deafening scream and went running for the living room. She seemed to still be asleep but was gripping her stomach. He couldn't tell if something was wrong or if she was just dreaming that something was wrong, but he needed to find out. "Lillie baby, wake up. You were screaming honey, what's wrong?" He stroked her head and kissed her forehead. She looked at him with a pain in her eyes.

"Jamie, I think the baby is coming." Lillie could barely get the words out before she screamed again, holding her stomach tight. She curled herself up into the fetal position and cried. The pain was close together and it was very intense. She tried to talk to James, but the words wouldn't come out. After the third scream, the entire family was gathered around her. Lillie instantly felt like crap for distracting them. She was kicking herself because she knew she should have stayed home in bed and now she was in labor on her mother in laws couch only hours after her father-in-law passed away.

"James, don't just sit there! Call an ambulance. Jackson, go get Lillie some blankets and pillows to keep her comfortable until the ambulance gets here. Kari, sit behind her and rub her lower back, it might help with the pain. I am going to pray!" Anna took charge of the situation. She was being so strong, and it made Lillie feel worse, so Lillie started crying and couldn't stop.

Lillie tried pushing everyone away from her and she got up to try to walk. She walked to the door, but Jackson stopped her before she made it outside. "Lillie, what are you trying to do? Go back in there and wait for the ambulance. They should be here shortly." Jackson took her by the elbow to lead her back to the living room, but she pulled away from him and shot him a dirty look.

"Jackson, I cannot sit in there with your mom who is praying and crying. This is all my fault; I should have stayed home like everyone said but I was just too stubborn, and I refused to stay on bed rest so now you guys get to try to plan your father's funeral while I give birth in the living room. Not going to happen. I am going to get myself out of this house, so I don't have to hear anyone crying or lecturing me or trying to calm me down. I don't really give a rat's ass if I give birth to this baby right in the front yard as long as I don't have to look at one more sad face while I do it, now you will move out of my way!" Lillie practically screamed at Jackson. She hadn't realized how loud she was being and when she stopped, she realized the whole family was standing in the doorway watching her confrontation.

Lillie grabbed the door handle and got herself out the door. She couldn't handle the looks on everyone's faces as they stared at her in disbelief. She lowered herself to the ground and allowed herself to cry. She was crying because the pain was getting worse, and she was crying because she felt like a complete fool. Her father-in-law had just passed away that morning and instead of grieving, the family had to focus on her. She felt so selfish. Lillie forced herself to lie down and curled herself into the fetal position to try to ease the pain of the contractions. She closed her eyes tight and stayed as still as possible until she heard someone whispering.

"It's okay Lilly Pad. I am here to take care of you. Everything will be okay." She felt James stroking her hair, and then he started rubbing her back. She fought back the tears that were trying to force themselves out. She just laid there helplessly letting her husband try to comfort her. After what seemed like forever, she heard the sirens and knew the ambulance was just down the road. Soon, she would be in the hospital, and she knew she would be holding her daughter soon.

Lillie was quickly loaded into the ambulance and hooked up to different monitors. They sped down the highway to get her to the hospital, and she could feel her contractions getting closer together that they were before. From what she could tell, they were only about six minutes apart. She really doubted that the doctors would be able to stop the labor this time. She just hoped that the baby would be okay.

"Lillie, I thought I told you I didn't want to see you back here for a while. You still have ten weeks to go." The doctor stepped into the room and started reading over her chart. "I am going to try to stop the labor again, but your contractions are awful close together at this point. We will do the best we can to keep that baby in there at least two more months." The doctor went to walk out of the room and talk to the nurse when Lillie let out a little scream.

"I think it's too late to stop it doctor. My water just broke." Lillie looked down to see the bed was wet and looked back to meet the doctor's eyes. She knew that the baby was too early, but she hoped that she would at least be big enough to make it. She had been having doubts her entire pregnancy, but she never wanted the baby to suffer. "Doctor, it hurts. Please do something!" She let out a yell as she held her stomach. Her contractions were now less than two minutes apart and seemed to last forever.