Believe

If You Can Hear Me

It's the past

It's ruining everything

But I can't help but listen

It's the only thing that makes sense

Pushing everyone away

I guess I'm not ready

For anything right now

I thought I was but I'm not

I'm sorry

For the pain I've caused

The distress given

And as you read this

I know you're going to think

"Fuck her anyways, she wasn't anything..."

And you'll move on too fast

And I'll be here

Same old same old

I'm used to it

It wasn't really the DeJai thing

But it kind of was

I've had a lot of pent up emotions lately

And they all came out at the wrong person

I'm so sorry

I'm not emotionally stable

I'm crazy

You don't want that in your life

Trust me

I wasn't mad at you

I was mad at DeJai

I was mad at everyone around me

I was mad at myself

I just took it out on you

And I don't want to give up the calls

The texts

The FaceTimes

The Snapchats

I don't want too

But they mess with me

I don't exactly know how

But they make me feel worse about myself

Crazy right?

I feel good at the moment

But for some reason

It makes me feel so bad at night

Told you I'm crazy

You can't fix me

Please don't try

Please don't try to help me

I don't know when I'll be better

Probably never

And I don't know what they did too you

But I wasn't apart of it

I don't know if you believe me or not

But I'm telling the truth

I never knew they were doing that to you

I trust you

This is so stupid

And my taking a break from everyone is stupid

But maybe I need it

So I'll talk to myself

Like the crazy I am

Anything so I don't hurt you

Probably already have

Ugh

I'm hazardous

I'm poison

I want to be pure

I want to be happy

But I'm scarred

I try everyday

But it doesn't work

My mind is numb

I'm sorry

I'm not ready for this

I don't want you to go through this

You don't need me saying I want to die

You don't need my haunted thoughts

I know I sound weird, creepy, like an outsider

But that's what I am

Go find the happy

The normal

The beautiful on the inside and out

Not a punk rock chick who doesn't look like it

Not an awkward, depressed, pessimist

Not a disturbed mind

Not me

That's why I said go away

Because you can't love this

Because I don't

Nobody does

That's why I said don't talk to me

Not because I was mad at you

But because I'm toxic

It's for your safety

I'm a loner

I have nothing to live for

I'll never be able to get over this

So don't try to help

Let me drown

While you breath

I promise

I'll be okay

So do me a favor?

Break up with me

For your own good