「 FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY 」

31 | "Alexandra, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Do you know how stupid you are?"

Like I haven't heard that one before.

Noah had come barging in through the door, his bags from the trip in his hand.

"Why would you even think of- there is so many things wrong with what you did- I can't even begin to describe how frustrated I am!"

He dropped his bags on the floor and started pacing around the living room while I sat on the couch.

"First of all, you left the house with Logan's gang knowing very well how I feel about them!"

Well then, I'd better not tell him about all the other times I'd met up with them.

Or when I kissed Logan on the Ferris wheel.

"And you took Mia along with you! While Elliot was on the loose and you didn't know how dangerous he was! Wait no, I guess now you do!" he roared, "You nearly got yourself killed because of your stupid actions Alex, how-wha?!"

I didn't say anything; I just sat there because he wasn't wrong.

I thought about today in school when I snapped at Logan, it was because I blamed him for what happened.

I knew it wasn't his fault that Elliot was at that carnival and he didn't cause everything to happen, but it felt better to blame it on someone else, other than myself for once.

I knew it was wrong, but after having all of that guilt that needed to go somewhere and I just couldn't handle anymore of it,

I don't know what I was thinking, blaming Logan like that, when it was so obviously my fault.

***

BZZZZ.

I sighed, rolling over in my bed and opening my text messages.

I had one from Mia saying, 'I'm coming back to school, can't drive though :( but I'll see you there Xx'

I texted her back saying I wasn't feeling very well and I wasn't coming to school today.

Then I put my phone back on my nightstand, switching it off not wanting to deal with anything right now, I should've been ready to get to school by now but my body just wasn't willing.

I felt like there was a pressing weight on my chest and I constantly thinking about everything, wondering if I could've done something to change what happened.

I felt hopeless, like there was nothing in this world that could make me feel better.

Like I deserved to feel this way.

Noah left early in the morning; Megan, Liam, Dylan, Kyle and himself were meeting up to discuss Elliot and whatnot. So he was going to be out till late as well, I could tell he was still mad about what happened since he didn't say bye before he left, he also slammed the door behind him. 

So there's that.

Gracie crawled up next to me, snuggling into my arms as she purred softly.

It felt slightly better knowing that I wasn't completely alone at home.

I spent the rest of the day lying down in my bed, only getting up to go to the bathroom, feed Gracie or get some water, other than that I had nothing willing myself to make any conscious effort to do anything at all.

***

It was dark out, the sun had set a while ago and I was still lying in my bed.

And then a tapping noise came from my window,