Can't Remember Why

Annihilate The Situations

Naging mahaba yung biyahe para sa'kin. Sobra. Extended 2 miles, mga ganun. I can't think of why Den had to lie kung sino yun. Kung wala namang something talaga sakanila, hindi naman niya dapat itago yun eh diba? At saka hindi din ako magagalit kasi nga alam ako naman yung totoong nangyari. Totoo ba talaga yung sinabi niya sa'kin? Hay nako Den. Makiramdam ka naman! Ako nalang lagi sumasalo ng problema eh. Pag hindi ako nakapagpigil sainyong dalawa... Hindi ko na alam. Kahit gaano pa kita kamahal Den, kung gagantuhin mo lang ako, bibitawan kita. Ang hirap. I dedicated my time and efforts for you and this is what happens. Hay. Pababayaan ko na muna 'to. Ayoko masira ang gabi ko.

Paguwi namin ay dumiretso na kami agad sa kanya-kanya naming kwarto. Dzi kept on giving me the mag-iingat-ka-hindi-mo-alam-yung-totoo look all the way from the mall to here sa car. I took the warning. And maybe it's right that I did. Kasi eto yung ayokong situation eh. Pero talagang bibigyan ko pa si Den ng isa pang pagkakataon. Ayun, as our daily dorm routine, natapos na kami mag-wash and then we went straight to bed. Siguro mga 15 minutes na ang nakalipas, mga 9:23 pm na, akala ko tulog na si Denden so hinayaan ko nalang siya. Moments after I heard this sobbing noise. Umiiyak si Dennise. I went to her bed and stood her up. "Den, what's wrong?" Tanong ko sakanya habang pinupunasan ko yung luha niya. "Alyssa, I can't sleep... Knowing you're angry with me." Sabi niya sa'kin. "Den, look. It's just a matter of chances okay? Bakit mo ba kasi kailangan magsinungaling? Kung wala talaga kayong something ni Wren then you should've just told me diba? Why?" Tanong ko sakanya. Kalmado lang ako hindi dahil umiiyak si Den kung hindi dahil nagtitimpi lang muna 'ko at kasi masyado na akong naguguluhan talaga. I really felt that marami nang dadating na challenges samin eh. I just didn't mind them at first because I was too busy being passive.

"Kasi Aly... Alam ko namang ganun ang magiging reaction mo eh. Ayokong nag-aaway tayo. Ang bigat sa kalooban. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos. Sorry Alyssa. Sorry talaga. I love you. Wag mo sana akong pagsawaan..." Sabi ni Den. Nagulat ako kasi sinabi niya na huwag ko raw siya pagsawaan. Hindi ko naman kayang gawin yun eh. Sobrang mahal ko si Den kaso lang talaga, she needs to be more honest if she doesn't want me getting angry. "It's okay Den. Just be honest with me okay? Hindi ako magagalit naman pag ganun. Tahan na Den... Ang ganda kaya ng gabi diba? Tahan na... I love you more." At pagkatapos nun ay natulog na kaming dalawa.

Kinabukasan... (Wednesday, 6:39 am)

I woke up feeling heavy naman. Jusko I think even my dreams are giving me warnings. I should really keep an eye out for Den. I woke her up and started to take a bath.  After ko magbihis, I went downstairs na to eat breakfast. I got my plate and food na. While I was eating, I noticed everybody staring at me with their pokerfaces. "Guys wag niyo muna ko titigan. Nakakailang eh. Hahaha!" They didn't move nor blink their eyes. "Guys diba may pasok kayo? Sabayan niyo na 'ko kumain and stop staring." Sabi ko sakanila. Medo weird na eh. "Kumain na kami Alyssa." Sabi ni Dzi. Tumingin si Gretch, A, Fille at Ella sa orasan. "Dzi, Aly, mauna na kami. Baka ma-late kami. Pasabi nalang kay Den 'bye' ha?" Sabi ni A. Mukha namang wala silang galit kay Den so I'm settled. Siguro kahit naman nangyari yun kagabi hindi parin magbabago yung fact na mahal ko si Den.

Moments later, bumaba na si Den. "Alyssa mauna  na kami ah. Late na eh." Sabi nila sa'kin tapos ngumiti nalang sila kay Den. Kami nalang naiwan dito sa dorm. Aantayin ko si Den para sabay na kami pumunta sa class. Magkakahiwalay ulit kami kasi may exam si Den ngayon. "Aly, may problema ba sila sa'kin?" Mahinang tanong ni Den. "I don't think so naman. Maybe they're still in shock dahil sa mga nangyari kagabi in the car and you didn't have the chance to explain to them. Don't worry Den. I'll talk to them. Wag ka na malungkot ha? Bilisan mo na kumain jan." Then I gave her my smile. "Thank you Alyssa." Yun lang yung nakayanan niya sabihin sa'kin. Kawawa naman si Den. Maybe I should be with her more often. Ayaw  na ayaw kong nihihiwalay 'to sa'kin eh. Inaatake ng anxiety.