Trust

✍ Point

A/N Isaac and Monica are two characters from 'The Fault in Our Stars' (just in case anyone's wondering :))

Mum and I went to visit Adam in the hospital when I got back home. Mum was uncharacteristically silent on the drive there and I was busy planning my revenge on Jared Litt so the only sounds in the car was the quiet purring of the engine and the occasional squeak of the windshield wipers as they swiped across the glass screen.

When we got there, mum walked several paces in front of me, her eyes staring fixedly ahead of her. I lagged behind, hands in my pockets.

When I got to the room, mum was crying as she stroked Adam's hair. He looked perturbed by her repeated hand movements over his head but was powerless to stop her.

"Poppy!" He looked relieved.

I smiled. "How are you?"

"Oh, fine. I have a broken bone and the doc just said I might have internal bruising. Nothing I can't handle." Adam attempted to grin, but the movement of the muscles in his cheeks seemed to physically hurt him.

"Oh baby." Mum was bawling. I cringed.

"What happened to her?" Adam mouthed.

"I don't know," I mouthed back. I put an arm around my mother's shoulders. "You alright, mum?"

"It's just so sad," she sniffled. "My poor baby boy in this state. Who did this to you, Adam? Why won't you tell me? Don't you love me anymore?" She wailed.

I coughed, trying to drown out the sounds of my mother's distress.

"I'll take mum home," I said to Adam before telling him to rest well (as if there was a different way to rest). He just nodded and turned his face from mine. I later found out that a few of his friends had visited during the day, but none of them had been Becky.

I drove home slowly. The roads were wet and the car skidded twice. I wasn't a great driver on the best of days so slippery roads and darkness almost surely meant a disastrous crash. Fortunately, mum and I and the car reached home in one piece.

Mum's crying had subsided on the way back, but she still sniffled as we entered the house.

"Mum, are you sure you're okay?"

Mum dabbed her eyes and took a few shuddering breaths. Then, she threw her arms around my neck and began sobbing. I staggered backwards before patting her back. "There, there."

Mum tightened her hold. "Promise me you'll never leave me. Promise me you and Adam will never desert me. Promise me, Poppy, promise me." There was a certain desperation in her voice.

"I promise," I said. I wasn't sure what I was promising, but I knew I was going to keep it anyway because I wanted to protect a person I loved.

So it was that, on a rainy Tuesday night, I decided love was a strange, complicated thing.

*****

I called Chase later that night. I didn't know what to expect, just that I'd promised him something and that I needed to follow through.

"Poppy Sullivan," he said when he picked up.

"Chase Edwards," I mimicked.

Then there was a silence. I found it strange how neither of us felt the urge to break it. We were literallyjust listening to each other breathe, listening to the sounds of oxygen entering our lungs and carbon dioxide leaving. I could see the slow rise and fall of my chest as I took each breath.

"I cried," I said.

"What?"

"When Augustus died." I paused. "It was the first time I'd cried in a long time."

"Damn it, John Green," Chase said. I could hear him smiling.

I smiled. "It's just..." I struggled to come up with the words. My smile faded. "The whole time we expected Hazel to be sick, we forgot about him. We forgot that Augustus wasn't invincible, that he was as acquainted with cancer as Hazel was. I guess, I feel a little sorry for him."

"He was a self-aggrandizing bastard who fell in love with a beautiful girl, got to travel to Amsterdam with her, and didn't die a virgin. I think he did okay." There was a hint of gentle teasing in his voice.

"I know. I know. It's just." I tugged at a loose thread at the corner of my quilt. I pulled it until it broke before saying, "I guess I'm not as immune to the notions of happily-ever-after as I like to think myself to be."

"We all hope for a happy ending," Chase said. "Outwardly or secretly. It's our natural reaction towards the bleakness of life. We want to love and be loved."

"Well, i don't believe in love. There's attraction, perhaps a bond, but never love. And after while, that initial attraction will fade." I was thinking about my parents. Chase was silent.

"If I had to have surgery and have my eyes taken out, would you stay away from me like Monica did after breaking up with Isaac?"

I contemplated that question for a moment. "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not your girlfriend. I've never promised you anything; therefore, there isn't any obligation on my part to stay with you." I kicked off my indoor boots and crossed my legs on my bed. "But I would anyway because you're my friend."

"I'm your friend?"

"Yes." I wound the thread around my fingers.

"Right."

"Right." I grinned. "Also, I would make sure that you get a pair of robotic eyes that Isaac was always talking about in that darned book so that you could see how hot I got while you were blind."

"I doubt that."

"Chase Edwards, I will get those eyes and when you finally open your new robotic eyes, I will have proven you wrong and me right," I deadpanned.

"Okay."

I laughed. "Okay."

We spoke a little longer. Chase asked me about my plans concerning Jared Litt and I told him I didn't have any. It was a lie and Chase knew. I was terrible at lying. He promised he would come after me tomorrow. We said goodnight and I hung up first.

When I curled up into a ball under my covers for the night, I realized that Chase's voice was the last thing I would hear before I fell asleep.

With that in mind, I let my mind slip into unconsciousness.