numb | fillie

mixed signals

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in which ~ we discover that the boy's not as perfect as he seems
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millie's p.o.v.

opening the door of the van, i slide into the passenger seat.  i keep my focus forward, not giving in to my temptation to look at finn. 
my heart has to fight my brain because my brain and anyone in the right mind would leave the van right now, never looking back, yet here i am.

next, i do something i shouldn't, i look over at finn.  he's staring directly back and into my eyes.  i shiver.

"where 'we going today, wolfhard?"  i ask, breaking my gaze.

"t-the day's almost over, mills." he chokes out.

i look out the slanted van window.  what are you doing millie.  leave now, while you still can. 
i look back over to finn, who's still staring at me, astonished.  he reaches over and takes a sip from his water bottle.

"take me somewhere, finn."

he chokes on his water;  some of it dribbles down his chin.  he wipes it away with his sleeve.

"what's wrong?"  i ask, fiddling with the strings on the hoodie i'm wearing; his hoodie.

"what's wrong?  what's wrong is that i'm getting mixed signals here, millie."

"what's so confusing?  i just asked you to take me somewhere."
i reach over and push a stray curl out of his eyes.

"fuck millie.  what's confusing is how one minute you act like you want nothing to do with me and the next, you reach over and touch my hair." he explains angrily.

i jerk my hand back; placing it firmly at my side. 

he places his head in his hands.  without thinking i reach over and rub his back lightly.
he flinches but i leave my hand there.

"can we just go somewhere, please?"  i ask quietly.

i feel his body relax under my hand then he tenses up again.

"sure millie, whatever." he grumbles, sitting back up and putting on his seat belt.

i expect him to look over to me and explain where we're going but he doesn't.  instead, he starts the van and rushes out of the parking lot.

we drive in silence for a long time.  i look out the window and force myself to not look at finn.  the town looks pretty.  we drive through town and right out.  as we're passing trees and forestry, i allow myself to look over at him. 

he's tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and bopping his head to some song on his mind.  his curly hair bounces and blows in the wind from his open window.

my hair blows into my eyes as a semi truck passes by; pushing a gust of wind into the van.  i brush it away and look back at finn.

"take a pictue, it'll last longer."  he mumbles abruptly.

it jerks me from my thoughts.  finn's turned towards me and the car's stopped.

i look out the window, taking in our surroundings.  we're in the middle of nowhere, pulled over on the side of the highway.

before i can ask where we are finn says "follow me."  getting out of the van and leaving me sitting there.

i open the door and climb out; to find him trudging into the woods.

"um what are you doing?"  i ask.

"what?  has the pretty girl never been in the woods before?  you scared or some shit?"  finn spits out.

he called me pretty.

"no."  is all i manage to say before my legs pull me into the forest.

i follow closely behind him, every now and the swatting away mosquitoes.  we walk for a while till finn stops, causing me to bump into him.  he turns around, unaffected and puts his hands in his pockets.

"we're here."  he whispers, stepping to the side to let me see.

it appears he's brought me to a cliff.
what in the world?

finn walks over to the edge of the cliff sitting down with his legs off the edge.  he then pats the space beside him, asking me to come sit.

i hesitate; rocking back and forth on my heels.

"you scared, pretty girl?"  he laughs.

i look down. 

i've never been afraid of heights, it's the fear of falling that keeps me up at night.  that's why i chose a gun over a cliff.  i wonder, if finn knew i was suicidal, would he bring me to this cliff all the same?

"you won't fall, i promise."  he states, looking me in the eyes.

i slowly walk over, sitting down beside him.  we sit in silence for a while.  i look out off the cliff at the water below us.  a lake lies under this cliff.

a gust of wind blows through me.

i shiver.

finn looks over to me and without explanation, wraps his arm around my shoulder, gently inching closer to me.

he rubs my shoulder softly.

i look up at the sky,  the suns already starting to set.  today's gone by fast.

i rest my head on finn's shoulder, looking up at him.

"why'd you bring me here, wolfhard?"

"mmmm you're awfully curious, pretty girl." he whispers;  his hot breath on my cheek makes the hair on my neck stand up. i shiver but not from the cold.  "my mom used to bring my brother and i here."

"used to?"  i question.

"awfully curious."  he mumbles.

"what do you mean by used to, did something happen?"  i ask.

he looks up at the now dark sky.

he lets out a breath. "my mom passed away." 

"oh."  i say, lifting my head off his shoulder and looking into his eyes.

he turns away.

i reach over and grab his hand, giving it a light squeeze.  he turns back to me, his eyes glistening with tears and rests his head on my shoulder.
he squeezes my hand back.
i look up at the stars.

"it's really a beautiful place."  i say quietly.

"mom sure had a knack for finding beautiful things."  he whispers.

i look over to him.  "i'm sorry."

"what for?"

"well it's just that you've been telling me all these things about yourself yet i haven't told you the slightest about myself."

when he doesn't answer i continue.
"millie bobby brown."

he gives me a puzzled look.

"my full name, it's millie bobby brown."

he smiles and rubs a circle on my hand.

we sit like that for a while.  in comfortable silence.  then my stomach starts making whale calls.

finn jerks his head off my shoulder.

"sorry, i haven't eaten all day."  i say quickly.

finn stands up.

"then let's go." he says.

"go where?"

"i know an all night diner nearby."  he answers.

i stand up and we walk back to the van threw the woods. 

it's not till we reach the van that i realize, he's still holding my hand.

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a/n:
so i decide to give everyone a cute fillie chapter, you're welcome.
awe it's too adourable, they held hands that whole time.
just remember that it's always calm before the storm.
-georgia ;)