numb | fillie

the back of the van

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in which ~ we discover more about eachother
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millie's p.o.v.

i use my sleeve to scrape off the already dry tears on my cheeks then i go over to the sink and splash my face with cold water.

i look up in the mirror and try to compose myself. 

wiping my hands on my pants, i exit the bathroom;  mentally rehearsing what i'll say to finn.

as i walk over to our booth, finn stands up. 

"i'm sorry."  we both say at the same time.

well this isn't going as planned.

"why are you sorry?"  i ask looking down.

"i thought i did something wrong."  he replies, a confused look crossing his face.

a wave of guilt washes through me.

"finn, you've done nothing wrong.  this is all my fault.  i'm just messing up your day." i look away from him.

"don't say that."  finn reaches over and gently wraps his arms around me, embracing me warmly.

at first i struggle but finally i give in letting him hold me.  letting myself melt.

"let's get out of here." he whispers in my ear.

i feel a hot tear roll down my cheek and onto his shoulder.

he grabs my hand and leads me out of the diner, reassuring me that he payed and iris gives us a quick wave as we exit.

...

finn's p.o.v.

i lead millie out of the diner and back to the van.  i open the back of the van and we both get in. 

i lay down and millie copies.

i take a deep breath and then i go for it.  "millie, be honest.  why did you have that gun."

she flinches and sits up, moving away from me.

i sit up too and give her an expecting look.

"s-self defense?"  she says like a question.

she's lying, i know she's lying.  why the fuck is she lying to me?

"fuck millie i know your lying."  i snap.

i turn away from millie, not wanting to see her reaction to my tone.  unfortunately i hear it instead.

millie sniffles.

i turn to face her.

she burries her face in her hands and i see her shoulders begin to shake.

fuck.

my instincts kick in and i go to put my arm around her but just before i can, i hesitate.

she's hurting because of you finn.  you promised your mom you'd never hurt someone you love.  scratch that.  might love.

millie tears me from my thoughts.

"i-i'm going to k-k-kill myself." she speaks in barely a whisper, her voice monotone.

i can't believe what i'm hearing, hmmm 'must've heard her wrong.

"huh?"  i ask, turning back to face her.

she takes her head out of her hands.  her tear streaked face forms into a forced smile.  she shakes her head; confusing me even further. 

"i'm going to kill myself finn.  tonight would've been the night to do it but i'm here with you."  her smile grows as mine falls.

i close my eyes to blink back tears.  i burry my face in my hands.

i feel a small, cold hand run through my hair.

i look up.

millie grabs my hand.
"it's alright finnie.  i've accepted it."  she smiles and for a second i can see right through it.  i can see her small broken heart, crying for help but then that small bit of uncertainty is gone and an empty smile is left behind.

"now finnie, you can't talk me out of this so maybe instead of moping around, you could make my last night a memorable one."  she tilts her head questioningly.

a shiver goes through my body.  her cold smile sends chills down my back.

"if it's what you want mills."  i smile back at her.

fuck finn what are you doing.  you're sitting in the back of your van with a suicidal girl and not even trying to help her. 

millie gives my hand a squeezze as if to say thanks.

she lies back down and pulls me down alongside her.
she inches closer to my body.

we lay in comfortable silence for a while, i listen to her soft breathing.

i feel her move closer; closing the gap between us.  i feel her press her warm head against my chest.  i burry my face in her soft hair, breathing in the smell of shampoo and sunflowers.

she moves up so we're face to face.  even though my eyes are closed, i can tell 'cause i feel her hot breath on my cheeks;  making my body tingle.

"finn?"  she breaths.

my breath quickens.

i open my eyes and look into her soft brown eyes.  they're beautiful.  she's beautiful.  maybe if i show her that,  she won't leave me? I could get lost in thought and i almost do but she distracts me.

"i want you too." she whispers; her warm breath gives me goosebumps.

my breath hitches and i shiver.

"m-millie i-"

she cuts me off by pressing her soft lips to mine.  just as soon as she started, she stops.  pulling away from me, i feel her warm breath.

"don't tease me pretty girl."  i growl, my voice low.

she waits a second then smashes her lips into mine.  i feel my heart swell.  our lips move in sync and our hearts beat in time with eachother.  she lets my tongue explore her mouth.  it's unlike any other kiss i've experienced, it's like the world around us disappeared and left the two of us alone, here in the back of my beat up van.

we break from the kiss gasping for air.  i fall back onto my back.
we lay there side by side breathing heavily in silence.

"that was-"

"-amazing."  she finishes for me.

millie sits up and i think she's about to leave when she lies back down placing her head on my chest.

my pulse quickens.

damn. i'm whipped for a girl i met this morning.

"is this ok, wolfhard?"  she whispers smirking.

"mmhmm."  i mumble, almost asleep.

i hear her breath slow as she dozes off and soon after, i fall asleep.

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when i wake up, millie's gone.

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a/n:

teehee.

it's hard for me because i have this really great chapter written but i can't publish it cause i'm not there in the story yet.

thanks for reading,
-georgia