numb | fillie

one last sunset

------------------------------------------------------------
in which ~ we discover that mirrors are not your friend
------------------------------------------------------------

millie's p.o.v.

"um, m-millie? are you awake?"

"millieeeeee?"

blinking i glance up from my spot on the ground. i see two blurry figures in front of my face looking down at me.
i quickly blink away the blurriness.

"oh, i didn't mean to scare you, sorry." the blond haired girl says. "my name's grace." she extends her hand and i give it a shake.

"my name's maddie." says the other girl, angrily.

"well um, i'm millie but i guess you already knew that. whould you mind me asking, where's finn?" i stutter.

"oh hun don't you worry about that, we'll have you back with your little boyfriend as soon as possible, we just need to get you cleaned up." maddie says, sarcastically.

"wolfhard's not my boyfriend." i grumble.

maddie ignores my comment and reaches over to me, starting to take my shirt off.

"what the hell!" i jerk away from her, hitting her in the face with a hard smack, by accident.

"motherfucker! fine i won't help." maddie turns away from me.

"millie sweetheart, maddie and i need to clean up your wound. finn got us so that we can help you take a bath." grace says, her pretty voice cracking every now and then.

"oh."

i let maddie and grace strip off my dirty clothes and clean up my arm.
i wince as maddie wipes it using a towel soaked in alcohol. she ignores the fact that i'm evidently in pain.

i don't think this maddie girl likes me too much. grace seems so sweet and kind and i wonder how she ended up friends with maddie.

slowly they lower me into the bathtub. the warm water rises around my freezing body. gently grace washes my hair, every now and then stopping to ask if i'm alright.

maddie stands away from the tub, close to the door, not even offering to help grace.

when grace finishes, she gestures to maddie and maddie walks over, helping lift me from the tub.

"i think i can handle it from here, i just need some clothes please." i say loudly, breaking the deafening silence that burdens the room.

"i'll go get you some hun." grace replies, hurrying out of the bathroom.

i sit down on the edge of the tub and stare at everything but maddie.

"i know you think i'm a bitch." maddie says out of the blue.

i look over at her. she's also avoiding looking at me.

"and i get it, i get why you think that." she says.

i ignore her. damnit grace could you hurry up.

"if you're just going to ignore me then why am i even bothering to talk to you." maddie mumbles.

"sorry." i whisper.

"why the fuck are you sorry? you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. i'm the mean one here. i should be the one saying sorry."

i look down.

"well then i'll just say it, i'm sorry for acting like such a bitch." she says.

"it's ok maddie." i reply.

"no it's not ok. i really hope you can forgive me 'cause i think we could be great friends."

i look up at maddie and see that she genuinely means what she's saying.

with a wide toothy grin, i reply, "i'd love that."

our little moment is interrupted by grace walking in.

"ohmygosh i'm so sorry millie, it took me forever to find you some clothes. the only thing that was clean was one of finn's hoodies and a pair of his sweats. i hope madds treated you well, while i was gone." grace says in a huff, glaring at maddie.

maddie throws her hands up.

"hey, hey, hey, i'll have you know that millie and i are now friends." she replies to grace.

grace looks over at me and i nod my head in agreement.
she smiles and hands me the clothes.

"well, we'll leave you to it." she says to me.

then, her and maddie leave the bathroom, closing the door behind them.

i look down at the clothes in my hands. the hoodie is green with some logo i've never seen before on the front.
i slip it over my head, feeling the softness of it on my bare skin.
it smells like finn.
i pull on the baggy sweats, tightening the waistband as much as possible.

i wander over to the sink, then turning on the tap, i splash my face with some cold water. looking up into the mirror, i see my short brown hair is spewed in all directions.
i run my hands through my hair.
there are dark circles around my eyes and a few scratches on my forehead.
i see the large scar over my right eyebrow.
overall i'm quite an unpleasant sight.

see millie, this is why no one will ever love you. because no matter how much you try to wash away the pain, you always remain a stained canvas.
why am i even here.
why did i let finn bring me with him?
i could've figured out a way to end it without my gun. i could've found a cliff.
why are you here, millie, why?
because you're weak.
because you're fucking weak.
you could've ended it yesterday and not be in this mess but no, you wanted to see one last sunset.
fuck that stupid sun.
i stare at myself in the mirror. every mole, every freckle, every scratch, every scar. it's all a part of me. i'm a mess of a person.
why'd i tell maddie i'd be her friend? i'm making false promises left and right.

i turn away from the mirror, temporarily blocking those thoughts from my mind.

ok millie first thing's first. you've gotten yourself into this mess now you've got to get yourself out of it.

blinking away tears, i step out of the bathroom, into the hallway.

-