numb | fillie

smoke

------------------------------------------------------------
in which ~ we discover the pain of siblings
------------------------------------------------------------

millie's p.o.v.

"nick's coming to visit today." finn's raspy voice drags me from my thoughts.

it's a cold monday morning and we're sitting on the couch in the living room.

"who?" i question.

his eyebrows furrow, "my brother, nick."

"oh cool. do i get to meet this famous brother?"

he sighs, "i guess so."

i swat at his chest, "of course i should get to meet him, dumbass."

"if i were blind, i'd mistake you for a sailor, pretty girl. you should watch that tounge of yours." he chuckles.

"says you."

i nuzzle my head into the crook of his warm neck. he softly plants kisses on my ear, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger. i look up at his eyes.

most people compare eyes to oceans, or galexies. not his eyes though, they remind me of my favorite thing. glancing down at my cup of coffee then back up at his coffee brown eyes. i realize, that's probably why i feel so alive when i'm with him. he's like coffee in the morning.

"do you know why i don't make eye contact with you often?" i ask.

"no, why?"

"every time i look at you i feel this unknown danger rise from my stomach to my throat. it makes my cheeks flush and my throat scratchy. it make my stomach turn and my hands clammy. eye contact is dangerous for a girl like me. all those feelings i feel when i look into your eyes scare me. all of it scares the hell out of me."

"finn! we're heading out." caleb yells from the front door.

"shit, sorry babe. i've got to go with the boys to pick up nick." he whispers into my ear, his breath causing goosebumps.

i kiss him lightly then motion for him to leave.

i hear the door click closed and curl my legs up on the soft couch, blowing on the cup of coffee in my hands.

the past weeks that i've lived with him have been surreal. it's like everyday is christmas morning.

sipping at my coffee, i get up. walking down the hall i knock on sadie's door.

it comes at a surprise, when maddie answers the door, "what do you want?"

"oh, i was just looking for sadie."

"well she's not here."

i turn to leave when maddie grabs my arm, her eyes filled with guilt.

"don't leave. i'm sorry." she pleas.

"fine." i grumble, walking over to a chair.

we sit in a stiff silence for a while. it's so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"i have a question." maddie breaks the silence.

i sit back in the chair, looking at maddie, letting my feet dangle above the tile flooring, "and what might that be?"

"do you like finn?"

i roll my eyes, "no i don't like finn, i just kiss him for fun."

maddie gasps.

"i'm kidding, i'm kidding." i giggle as her expression changes.

"then obviously you know that he'll break your heart." she blandly states, picking at her red nail polish.

i look down at my feet, then back up at her, my eyes twinkling with a challenge.

"i know what i signed up for." i reply, winking.

with that, i walk out, leaving behind a shocked maddie.

i wander through the appartment, looking at the pictures hung on walls; the vast majority being of sadie and caleb.

i bounce back to finn's room, opening the window. fresh air flows through our room, filling it with sweet smells.

i breath in deeply, enjoying the cool air.

i twirl back down the hall and out the door, dancing up the stairs to the roof, each step bouncing on happiness.

breathing heavily, i open the door to the roof as a gust of air blows it from my grasp, slamming it against the wall.

i step outside, looking out at the skyline.

it's the middle of the day now and the sky's covered in clouds on this gloomy monday.

i skip over to the lawn chair, pulling it to the center of the roof.

i like being in the center. it makes me feel safe. like i'm surrounded by space and if there comes a need to run, i can head in any direction.

i look up at the grey clouds painting the sky.

although it seems dark and sad outside, i secretly like this weather best of all. the grey seems so neutral and calming. it's like a person in that way, calm and plain on the outside but a wirlwind of a storm inside.

it's sorta weird, how much time i spend staring up at the sky. i just love it.

an hour or two pass as i stare up at the clouds, listening to the sounds of cars go by and every now and then taking a sip of my now cold coffee.

i hear the familiar click of the door to the roof opening. a tall boy with a mess of curls, walks out.

from the back it looks like finn but i soon realize it's not.

he walks right by me, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"hey." i say, looking over at him.

he jumps, droping the pack of cigarettes from his hands, "you scared the shit out of me."

he sits down on the edge of the roof; dangling his long legs off the side.

i get up, walking over to sit beside him on the ledge.

"i'm millie." i reach out my hand and he gives it a shake.

"ahhh the famous miss brown," he laughs, "i'm nick."

colour flows to my cheeks.

famous miss brown? finn talks about me?

"ahh the famous brother." i reply calmly.

"want a smoke?" he asks, gesturing to the pack in his lap.

"oh um, no thanks. i don't smoke."

he takes a puff of his lit cigarette.

"why not just smoke?" he says, pushing the cigarette close to me.

i push his arm away and shake my head.

"well why not?" he asks, puzzled.

"because i said no."

"c'mon. there's gotta be a deeper reason why." he persists, blowing a wave of smoke into my face making me cough.

"i don't need anymore smoke in my life. my heart's burning with the fire finn started in me. my mind is already clouded from my burning admiration for your little piece of shit brother." i spit, looking out at the city below us.

and with that, he let it be.

we sat together in a comfortable silence, on top of the roof.

and in that moment, i think, he finally understood my love for his brother.

-

a/n:

please don't yell at me, i know i said i'd make this chapter long but i didn't. i liked where this one ended so i decided to not write more on this one and just make the next chapter 2 days worth of writing.

sorry if y'all hated it.

thanks for reading,
- georgia