The Stranger

21

The burger in my mouth tastes heaven, even though Matt is complaining while eating his.
I put on a goofy smile and throw another bunch of fries at the mix of meat, cheese, and lettuce rolling in my mouth, risking almost to chock, and melting to the delicious taste.
I love Matt’s healthy food, but I can’t say no to burger and fries. They are almost inviting and good as Matt’s body.
“You will die of a heart attack if you don’t stop eating this,” he states, forcing another bit of meat in his mouth.
“I don’t care. It’s too good. Besides, starting from the day I met you my diet is so much better than before. So, now and then I can effort greasy and fat foods.”
“You don’t care, but I do.” He grabs my chin and forcefully kisses me. Almost with rage and frustration. And I drown into the kiss, forgetting the crowd around me.
I eat, smiling at him and his picky taste. And then a thought pops up in my mind. With his good manias about food how did he survive all that time in prison?
“Why are you frowning? It’s my thing frowning, not yours.”
“I was thinking.” I don’t want to ruin his mood with this topic. I know his past is still painful and unforgettable.
“About?”
“Nothing. Finish your food, so we will lead home.”
“I am good. Now speak about this nothing,” he orders, concerned, stealing from my hand the last bit of burger.
“Hey!” I yell in shock. He can’t take the last bit from me. “Give it back,” I command. I am angry, really angry with him.
“Talk!”
I grip my lips, defeated. “I was thinking about you and your years in prison.”
At my words, his face has changed. A shadow of sadness has robbed his happiness. And a forced smile now is painting his lips.
“Sorry.” I know he is still hurting from his past, and the recovery will take time, maybe more than a life time, but I am willing to eradicate those awful memories from his mind.
I will work hard and with pounds and pounds of love, caress, and tenderness I will make him happy.
“It is okay. Let’s go,” he says, paying the bill and grabbing my hand.
*****
When we arrive at the destination, I am more than surprised. I was sure to see the façade of his building or mine, but not this.
“Do you remember this place?” Matt asks, even though, he can read recognition on my face.
I nod, letting my eyes study the structure of the five stars hotel. The giant glasses and the sparkling lights. The valet at the entrance and the plants adorning the main door.
A reach, handsome couple, with refined dresses and expensive jewelry, get in, smiling and nodding to  the other guests.
“So, do you want to come in?” Matt asks, excitedly.
“Can we?” I question, uncertain. I didn’t remember this place so luxurious. I recall the stylish furniture, the elegant carpets, and flowers everywhere, but my mind, that night wasn’t functioning properly.
I was devastated from Josh betrayal and uneasy, thanks to my sister and her present.
I remember entering the sliding doors and keeping my body shielded behind Emily, with my puffy, red eyes casting the floor, unable to look everywhere else.
Mary talked with the receptionist, who, after a few seconds, gave her a key for our room, with a prefabricated smile.
We waited for the elevator, and I begged Mary and my sister to go away. But they, knowing me too well, simply refused, decided to escort me to the room and prepare me for my sexy present.
Once opened the door, I was in front of a large room, with modern furniture. Small lamps at every angle and a coffee table near a big, comfortable sofa.
The all place smelled of clean and lavender, and I felt uncomfortable and out of place.
Before that night, a luxurious hotel for me was the hostels I stayed during my year in Europe.
I am not saying that I am poor. However, I prefer small, homey places, and a bit of adventure, instead of spending all my money in a useless thing. Avoiding, if it’s possible, during the adventure, bugs or rats. Waking up with a rat caressing your leg doesn’t feel so good.
Anyway, that night, Emily and Mary acted like I was a baby.
They seated me on the bed and grabbed my hands, before speaking: “Tonight it’s your birthday and we want for you to forget the asshole and have fun with a hot guy.”
Mary kissed my cheek. “Don’t think. Don’t be afraid or shy. Enjoy our present.”
After those words, they blindfolded me and left me alone, waiting for a stranger,who should have given me the best night of my life. He should have had raised all my memories with Josh, with maddening sex. But the minutes spent in that room had been tiring and drained out all my strength, with millions of thoughts assaulting my mind and taking away pieces of my sanity. And when I heard the door opening, the tension in my body was just a step away from exploding.
Maybe I sound stupid and naïve, but at that moment I felt like I was betraying Josh. My love for him and our year together. In a certain way I was betraying myself because I never ever had sex with a guy if I wasn’t involved sentimentally.
I am too romantic to think of sharing an act so intimate with a person I don’t care. Using a guy like a mere instrument for silencing my needs, it’s something unthinkable for me, who fantasized all his life with the perfect guy. The charming prince.
Even with Josh, I took my time. Maybe more than with Matt.
Our love story wasn’t special or full of surprise. It was simple and beautiful in its own uncomplicated way. Yes, beautiful, although, at the end, he was a bastard. During our year together he made me laugh and dream a long life together; he made my days easier and my nights warm; he grabbed my hand during our solitary walks and ate the mushrooms that were on my plates, making me feel spoiled and loved.
And I loved him just for this because mushrooms are the vegetable I hate the most. The sole smell makes me sick to my stomach. And the taste is utterly unbearable.
Josh wasn’t perfect, but neither did I. And most important, I wasn’t seeking for perfection. I was happy with having arms around me, and comfort after a bad day.
With him everything was easy and predictable, until the day he decided to confess his affair. Well, truthfully wasn’t even a confession. He simply broke up with me, explaining that I was a good guy but not good enough for him. That he discovered that women were much better, and that he had found the right one.
Thankfully, he didn’t put up some lame excuse or a bunch of sorry, only stated the fact and leaved me.
At the beginning I felt like every human being in my position would feel. However I wasn’t surprised by Josh outcome. I was hurt and depressed for sometimes, but my heart was expecting the end of our relationship, even if my mind wouldn’t admit it.
I guess mind and heart needed a different amount of time to grief and heal. They were together, but worked in opposite ways.
My heart knew that our love was in his final scenes, however, my mind was too attached at her routine with Josh to let him go so easily. Even though, the signals were there, on full display.
Josh was always to couscous around other people. Always predicting my movements, and preventing our relationship to be exposed. Always doubtful in take my hand, or give me a kiss in public.
But at that time, everything he gave to me was good enough: our solitary weekend, his unexpected surprises, performed during the night, or his obvious lies when he had to visit his parents.
I decided to live for a year like a blind person. My heart knew the truth, but my mind restrained my eyes to see the reality of my relationship with him, and my ears to hear the advice of my friends and family, who pointed out every time they could Josh’s unusual attitude, and his maniacal control over our life as a couple.
With the incessant pressing of my family, I could have opened my eyes and my ears on multiple occasion, but I was feeling good with someone so caring - when he was present - beside me, and I didn’t want to ruin my illusion of happiness.
I gave all, like always, and received the crumbs, with no complains and fully content.
Why?
There could be many answers to this simple question.
Maybe, because I am generous or a full. Another reason could be that I feel always inferior to the guys I like or unworthy to receive the same amount of love and devotion I give.
Maybe, they are all these things together. For now, I can’t give a complete answer.
I only can affirm that my love for Josh wasn’t so deep, but sincere.
When we met we were walking at a different pace in our lives. I was satisfied with my job as a teacher and free to live my sexuality. I had been out all my life, and being gay was more a problem for me than for my family and friends.
I can’t say that I hadn’t problems growing up or felt ashamed of my feelings, but that was the teenager in me who liked to complicate things. To follow the crowd  and wanted to be like everyone else. After a period of struggle, came the acceptance and I started to live my life at full.
For Josh wasn’t that easy, instead. He fought and hid all his life his true self. And when we met he was strongly engaged in his work, and in complete denial. However, I could read his desire and curiosity for me in his eyes, gestures, and in his way to touch me.
I kept still, faking ignorance because I knew that the situation was complicated.
I waited and waited for him, until he arrived at his breaking point and run to me, unable to restrain himself. And in that way, started our year together. And thanks to him and maybe a breath of faith, I met Matt. And now, we are walking hand in hand through the hall of this magnificent hotel, ready to start a new beginning.

******
Hi guys! Sorry for this chapter. I don’t like it very much. I want always write something good, but I felt a bit down this days.
I hope the next one would be better!