The Stranger

31

Sleeping has been an impossible task last night. All my thoughts were focused on Peter’s kiss, and most importantly on the upcoming trial. My head was like a balloon full of air, flying from one thought to another.
Peter did something really stupid, and I don’t know how I will manage him the next time we would meet.
His feelings for me, and his words are flattering, but not the kiss. That was inappropriate. I even feel bad for him, and I really wanted to became his friend, but I can’t risk my relationship with Matt. This is unquestionable.
And, in the other end, I don’t understand why he likes me so much. We only met a few times, and I am fully aware that I am not that handsome or interesting. I am just an average guy. Maybe, kind and a good listener, but that’s all. He could choose someone better. But this isn’t even the main point.
I shouldn’t think about him or feel sorry for him.
I should focus all my attention on Matt and Erik.
Especially when I am in my car, seated outside of the courthouse, trying to reach for my boyfriend on the day of his brother’s trial. But he seems dead from this morning.
No texts or phone calls from yesterday. And this is making me restless.
I try one last time, before leaving the parking lot and go inside.
The elevator takes me on the 8th floor, where there is chaos everywhere.
People wearing black suits are running left and right, leaving behind them glances full of urgency.
I walk on the marble pavement with quiet, scared-feet, hoping to come across Matt’s beautiful face hidden in some corner. But I am having no luck this evening. The only familiar face that I found belongs to Peter.
His expression appears different from the playful one of the club. This one is serious and means business.
I lower my head, hoping to escape from him, but it is useless.
He moves towards me, adjusting his blue tie. “Hey!”
“Hi, Peter.”
We look at each other and stay quiet for a while.
“We will be ready in a few minutes.”
I nod. “Where is my sister?”
“She is talking with Erik.”
Another nod from me. “Why are you here? This is not your case.”
“Don’t be harsh. I am here to help. You know, I am good at my work.”
“I didn’t mean to be harsh. I was just asking.”
“It’s okay. You are still mad at me.”
“Lucas!” I see Erik walking side by side with my sister, his blonde hair forming a perfect mess.
He is smiling, but it’s not an honest one. His bottom lip is shaking with fear and angst. He is wearing a blue suit, that should make him appear reliable and older, but his juvenile figure shows up even younger. “Where is Matt?” he asks when he is finally in front of me.
I frown because I wanted to ask him the same question. “Isn’t he with you?”
He shakes his head, and his eyes start watering. “I saw him last night. We had dinner together, and then he left. I thought he was with you all this time.”
I remain petrified because I don’t know what to say or think.
He should be here. He should answer my calls.
He should support his brother, not disappear like a flower in autumn.
Emily clears her voice, making me look at her professional expression. “We need to go inside.”

*****
I am seated on a wooden bench just behind Erik. I am tapping my left leg nervously, watching how Erik’s head roams around the room, searching for his brother.
Emily is saying something about Eric unintentional, bad actions, but I can’t concentrate. In my mind, there is only one thought: Matt.
Where is he? Should I be mad at him or worried about him?
Is he safe? Is he in trouble?
I see the judge shaking his head in disapproval and Erik’s neck becoming red.
Peter turns his eyes toward me and smiles reassuringly. But he can't do anything to make me feel better.
My feet are jumping up and down, ready to run out and start to search for Matt.
I don’t need evidence to know that something bad happened to him because Erik is the most important person in his life, and he wouldn’t leave him alone during a moment like this.
I glance at my phone again.
No sign of my boyfriend.
I sigh in frustration and decide to concentrate on Erik.
Fortunately, the hearing is short, and we leave sooner than expected.
I hug Erik, and he doesn’t pull me away. I guess he needs some support, and even if I am not his brother, I am close to him in a way.
At the end the judge hasn’t been that bad, only requiring for Eric to pay a bill of two thousand dollars and working for the community for four months.
Out of the courthouse, we all breathe a sigh of relief.
Erik looses his tie and takes off his jacket, while Emily checks her phone.
“I want to go home,” states Erik exhausted.
“I will give you a ride.” I need to see with my eyes that Matt isn’t in his apartment, and then go to his work place.
I need proofs of his sudden disappearance.
“Lucas…” Peter glances timidly at me, knowing that this isn’t the right time. And I stop him immediately.
“This isn’t the moment. I need to go.”
He nods. “Call me if you need help.”
I hum in response and walk to my car.
When we are on the road, away from the courthouse, Erik talks again with a quivering voice. “I am scared,” he confesses, “this isn’t normal. He had to be here today.”
“I know.”
“What am I going to do if he doesn’t show up soon?”
“Are you crazy? Don’t think these things. There is a reason.”
There must be a reason!
I try all my best to not reveal my fear to him, but I am cold, and I feel a knot in the throat from this morning, and I don’t know how to untie it. I won’t have a clue of where he is if he isn’t at home or at work.  Especially when even his brother is in the dark.
“We should call Fiona. When he was in trouble, she was the only one Matt would have called.”
Hearing her name, it is like receiving a punch in the face. I tighten my hands on the steering wheel, trying to control my desperation. “We can try. Maybe he is with her.”
I can understand that in the past, he would go to her. She was his wife after all. But now,  I am the one to call. The one to look for help. He can’t prefer her.
“I am not saying that he is with Fiona, but they are friends, and Matt trusts her.”
“I know she is important in his life and also in yours. I can’t swift away his past.”
“She coped with us when we weren’t in the best moment, even though Matt wasn’t truly in love with her.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better. I am not a kid. He married her.”
I haven’t still fully realized that he was married. Married to a woman. Or maybe, I oblige myself to not to think about it. In this way it doesn’t seem real or even possible.
He was so sure about her to the extent of sharing a whole life together.
With me, he can’t even open up about his friends, imagine bonding his life with mine.
Love really sucks sometimes!

*****

We arrive at the apartment accompanied by heavy rain as if the sky wanted to paint my pain to the world.
Erik walks ahead of me, taking two steps at the time with his amazing, long legs. He really should do some sport, like basketball or something else with a ball, but he is too lazy to train every day or listen to a coach, I guess.
Matt is the only one who can control him.
In a few seconds, we are in the house. “Matt!” calls his brother, searching in his bedroom. Meanwhile, I go in the kitchen, then the living room, and in the end, I check the bathroom.
No sign of Matt.
Erik trashes his body on the couch. “Where is he?” he questions desperately.
We had hoped to find him here.
“Don’t worry. We will find Matt.” I sit on the couch next to him, grabbing his hand, trying to give him comfort, even though, I feel worse than Erik inside. “Call Fiona. I will go to the restaurant.”
He agrees with me and takes a long breath before grabbing his phone.
I don’t wait for Fiona’s answer. I run out of the building and jump in my car. Again in the street.
In fifteen minutes I am in the restaurant, asking for the manager.
The place is still quiet, and the waiters are tidying up and down before the arrival of the first customers of the night.
I inhale deeply, and somehow I can smell Matt. The same smell he has on him every night when comes home. The comfortable smell of food.
“Good evening.” A short, chubby man approaches me.
“HI! I am a friend of Matt.”
We are seating at the bar, and I am really craving something strong capable of knocking down my thoughts.
“I know who you are,” he states complacent. “But I don’t understand why you are here.”
“I…” I don’t know what to ask. The words stop just before to come out.
“Is something happened?”
I shake my head. “I wanted to know only if Matt is here or if he came to work yesterday.”
The manager gives me at first a surprised look, and then puzzled says: “I don’t understand. He quitted two days ago. He said to have found a new job.”
“What? It can’t be possible! He loves his job.”
“I know, and I was surprised too.”
“I…I don’t…thanks for your help,” I murmur at the end, standing up, and leaving the place.
I am in apnea.
My mind is in apnea.
Where is he?