Okay I truly was going to update this once a week, but then you guys said you were okay with the spam, plus this chapter is already close to 1000 words long and if each day was like that, it'd be too much.
Read on my fellow Wattpadians!
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Okay guys I need help.
So I figured out my gender and sexuality awhile ago right?
So they fit me really well. The definitions match up to who I am. So I know I should agree with it but for some reason every time I see they/them pronouns or am reminded of my sexuality, I get sad. But those are the pronouns that fit me, and that's the sexuality that fits me as well.
So it's like my brain agrees but my heart doesn't
It's so confusing
Am I just sad because I'm not the straight girl everyone thought I was? Or was I sad because I have everything wrong?
But it is who I am, and I couldn't care less at this point if I'm what they want me to be. I'm succeeding in school and my sports, and that should be enough.
I don't get it...
If this happened to you, please talk to me. I'm confused and have no idea what to do because my parents just found out I'm trans*. It would look like I was just wanting attention in their eyes if I kept changing my pronouns (though that would not be it.)
But I'm just so confused please help.
And I also need to rant.
Why do people feel the need to bring others down? I've had three people this week call me dumb or stupid in some way. Is it because they're looking at a screen and don't have sympathy for a screen? I just hate it so much.
I'll quote something someone said today.
Okay so first you need to know that me and my friend were just bickering. You know the color war? It was like that, but with different things. We were not being serious in any way.
Okay? Okay.
So this person somehow came into our conversation, I don't really remember how and my screenshot (so I can get the exact quote) just missed it. They said something and I just playfully said, "Is that a challenge?"
Them: "No, that is not a challenge you child. If I were to challenge you it would mean I have something to prove. If you haven't noticed yet I have no care for what you say or do so I give zero ***** of what you think of me."
So they called me immature and said my opinion is not valid so far.
Me: "But you do have something to prove to me..." If they didn't, they wouldn't have joined to bickering, if you can see what I'm trying to say.
Them: "That's what you think. I don't give a **** what you think as a person. Hard to believe, I know. Realizing your simple opinion doesn't matter to someone. It's hurtful to your ego, isn't it? I can see why, it makes up for your IQ, doesn't it?"
And now they call me big headed and stupid.
Are you kidding?
I didn't end up replying because my friend came on and told them there was no reason to be mean and it was just a joke between us.
But I don't think they realize that there's a person on the other side of this screen. I have feelings, sometimes too many and sometimes not enough but I have them, just like you. I'm not a computer or a machine, though society would like me to be, and you can't just say that type of thing to people. If it was face-to-face, what are the chances they would have said that? I probably would not have said anything had it been verbal because I'm generally better at typing than speaking, so would they have kept going? What was the point of that? It ruined some friendly bickering just because that person felt the need to make me feel bad.
Did anything good come out of that? Did it make them feel better? There are other ways for that! Emotions don't have to be passed on, they can be burned. Through stress-relieving activities or ranting or crying (it can make you feel a lot better) or other things. It's better to make these feelings turn to ashes, otherwise you aren't going to make them disappear, you're just changing them.
[TRIGGER WARNING. MENTIONS SUICIDE. DONT READ IF THIS COULD HURT YOU.]
Maybe you were sad and so you passed on your sadness to a kid at school by bullying them. Then, later, they don't want to pass it on but they don't think the things I listed earlier would help. So they kill themself. Then your sadness just turns to extreme guilt because this was at least partially your fault.
[OKAY ITS SAFE AGAIN YOU CAN KEEP READING.]
Uggggggh this just makes me so mad. Sorry if you were hoping to not be spammed anymore but I'm already at 875+ words and that's just one day. I don't want you guys to get bored and miss something important.
*sighs* okay, how were your days?
Bye.
