What Twisted Webs We Weave

You Take The Full, Full Truth

(Patrick's POV)

Guilt.

I couldn't focus on anything else but that feeling. It was like a spider's venom. Soaring through my veins. Talking over every part of me. Slowly consuming my entire being until it was all that was left in me.

Maybe I just needed to change my way of thinking. I should be proud of myself for not going all the way. Despite the intensity of it, all we really did was kiss. I mean, yeah his hands were under my shirt. Yeah, each inch of him was pressed against each inch of me. Yeah, we were grabbing at each other damn near hard enough to leave bruising. But we didn't go all the way!

We stopped before we could do something we'd both regret. Not that I didn't regret the kiss. I did! I wish I'd been able to control myself more respectively. But it was only a kiss. A touch of the lips. Nothing to beat myself in the head over. Nothing I should be thinking about this much. I didn't fuck my best friend. And that's all that really mattered, right? It couldn't be technically considered cheating.

God, it sounded like bullshit even in my own mind. I knew I would lose my fucking cool if Pete and Ryan did half of what me and Brendon had done. I shouldn't be trying to justify my fucked up actions in my own head just to make myself feel better. I should be confessing my sins to Pete. Begging for his forgiveness.

I wanted us to have totally honesty between each other. I didn't want us to end up in the same web of lies we'd weaved before. That was a hard lesson well learned. No more lies. No more sleeping with people behind each other's back. No more cheating. No more double lives. And no more fucking secrets!

How did this use to be so easy for me? I remember when I'd go back and forth between Elisa and Pete all in one day and wouldn't feel a thing. Screwing them both on many occasions mere hours a part. The guilt was bitter sweet. Bitter because I felt like complete shit. Sweet because it showed I was growing as a person . My love for Pete was growing to the point where I felt like I shouldn't do him wrong.

I was a new man. And as a new man I needed to come clean to my boyfriend about the mistake I'd made. He'd be mad but he'd be more hurt if he found out later. Especially if it wasn't me who told him. Tyler claimed he wasn't going to get into the middle of it but I couldn't be sure. I could tell he had a thing for my man. I wasn't crazy. A man knows when someone is crushing on the person they love. It was only a matter of time before he spilled what he knew to get closer to him. I needed to tell him now.

I glanced over at him pressed against my side. His cheek rubbing against my shoulder like a feline looking for attention.

"Pete."

"Yeah?" He looked away from the television immediately.

"I-we need to talk about something."

"Oh?" I don't know if it was my face or my voice that told him it was serious. But his expression dulled when he sat up. "What about?"

"I love you a lot."

"I know that." His eyes narrowed. "Has that changed?"

"No. God no!" As if it could. "I just mean that I love you so much that I want our relationship to be different than last time."

"Different how?"

"I want us to be completely honest with each other. No lies. No secrets."

I was confused by the way Pete reacted to that. I expected him to be suspicious of me. To see right through my stalling. But instead he took on a look of worry. An uncomfortable mood filling the room. It was clear then that I wasn't the only one hiding something. Now the question was whose secret was the worst.