Vanessa
A week and a half passed after the breakup and I was still a mess. I needed Chris. I needed his hugs and his kisses. I needed his presence and his voice around me but I couldn't because it was toxic to both of us.
I was shutting people out because I couldn't handle the stress. Roni was the only person I could talk to. My mom was still in the hospital and my dad was constantly at work since he was the only provider now.
All my friends understood what happened because I ended up explaining everything. We still talk but they're giving me space as my request so lately, I've only been with Roni.
She's with her boyfriend Adam a lot but she always makes time for me even if it means bailing on Adam. It makes me feel terrible but I can't say much because I need her by my side. I want her to go out with Adam but I can't help but agree when she offers to stay.
It was Friday and school just ended. I shut my locker as Roni appeared behind the door of it. "Ready?" She asked. "Roni," I began. I felt bad. She deserved time with her boyfriend and I was holding her back. "Why don't you go out with Adam today?" I suggested. "What are you gonna do?" She asked. "I'll go home, I'll be okay." I said. "You sure?" I nodded my head.
We quickly hugged before she walked off to Adam who was down the hall. Seeing them happy together hurt my heart so bad. That used to be Chris and me.
I plugged earbuds into my phone and scrolled through my playlist as I turned the other way, beginning to walk to the exit. Don't look at your phone when you're walking, cause you'll end up like me and bump into your ex.
"Sorry," I quickly apologized, walking around Chris. I heard him say something to the group of people he was walking with, until he appeared in front of me again.
"Hey," he softly spoke. "Oh hi.."
I wanted to collapse in his arms and hug him tight. I wanted to kiss him and I wanted him to hold me more than anything in this world but I couldn't. My heart craved him but my brain hated what we had.
"Do you need a ride home?" He asked. "No I uh- I actually was getting a ride," I lied. "You sure?" He asked. I nodded my head, biting the inside of my lip to stop myself from crying.
Crying seemed to be a daily routine now. This was my first breakup and it really did hit me hard. A lot harder than it seemed on TV and a lot harder than people described it. Love's a hard game. And it does mess you up.
We crossed ways again, walking to different exits. I lied to Chris. I didn't have a ride home and I wasn't getting one either. I'm not even sure if I want to go home. The walk isn't far but I'd prefer other things.
I was about two blocks away from the school when I finally let the tears spill. Better Left Unsaid by Ariana Grande was playing loudly into my ears only making me cry more. I was always able to comprehend the lyrics to the song but now I could understand and feel it on an emotional level.
And I swore that I would never say
I miss you more everyday
But some things are better left unsaid
Something other than my tears dripped onto my hand as I walked. I looked up, only to feel rain slowly falling onto my face. Great. I thought.
I pulled my hoodie over my head and continued walking in the rain, until my phone vibrated in my pocket.
Roni 💜
Are you okay? It started raining randomly
Yeah I'm almost home. I have an umbrella anyway
Roni 💜
Okay. Call me if you need anything
I will. Thanks
I
kept lying. I became a liar. I lied to my mom. I lied to my dad. I lied to my own twin sister, my friends, Chris.. even myself. I've been telling myself I'm okay, that I'll get through this but I only seem to let myself down. "I won't cry tonight" turns into my crying myself to sleep. "I'll get over him" turns into me missing him more. The more I try, the more it hurts.
I sniffed and wiped my tears, forcing myself to stop crying. I didn't have to do this to myself, yet I let myself do it.
I grabbed onto the straps of my backpack and continued walking down the block, still listening to music with the rain still falling on me.
A car pulled up beside me and I instantly recognized it as Chris'. I took out one earbud as he rolled down the window. "Get inside," he said. "It's pouring rain."
As much as I didn't want to, I did anyway. I didn't want to walk in the rain and continue to depress myself. Being with my ex in his car could get me somewhere faster, and I'd deal with that if I had to.
"You said you had a ride home," he said, as he started driving again. "I didn't say I was going home," I quietly said. "You said you had a ride," he corrected himself. I stayed quiet for a few seconds, playing with my fingers.
"I'm not so sure I want to go home," I finally said. "Why's that?" He asked. I shrugged. "Nobody's there. I don't like being home alone," I answered. "Where we you going?" He asked again.
It made me slightly happy then. We were talking.. talking normally, no argument starting up.
I wiped my eyes again from the tears I felt stinging. "Wherever my feet would've taken me I guess. Maybe a park."
"Have you been crying?" He asked. "No um.. I think my contacts are dried out," I lied. And there I was, lying again.
Chris knew me. I knew he knew I was lying, but he chose to go along with it. "So you were gonna go to the park in the pouring rain?" He asked. "Better than being alone at home," I muttered.
"I know how you feel. My parents are working and all my siblings are out so I know how you hate being home alone," he said, stopping the car.
I looked out the window and noticed we were in front of my house. I didn't want to leave though. Something made me want to stay.
I stepped out of the car but knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath and turned around again.
"Do you.. wanna come in for a little?" I nervously asked. "Uh- I've got nothing else to do so.. if you're not gonna be busy-" "no no, I'm not." I cut him off.
He smiled at me. And it was a genuine smile. I didn't realize until a few seconds that I was smiling too.
He got out of the car and we walked to my doorstep in an awkward silence. As soon as we stepped in, my dog, Tiger ran up to us.
"Hi baby," I bent down, petting his soft fur as he attacked me, soon switching off to Chris.
Chris chuckled as Tiger jumped over him too.
He followed me into the kitchen, as I took out two water bottles and handed him one. "I'll be right back, you can watch TV or whatever you want," I smiled, before going upstairs to my room.
I changed into a dry outfit but made sure it was still cute. Before I left, I looked myself in the mirror. It's okay.
I fixed my smudged makeup before going back downstairs. Chris was on the couch with Tiger on his lap, slowly stroking his fur.
I sat down and turned on the TV, thinking about what to say, but luckily, Chris is a great talker.
"So how's your mom?" He asked. "She's getting better," I slowly nodded. "Another week and a half left until she's finally home."
"Vanessa I'm sorry again for-" "Stop. You don't need to-" I cut him off but he cut me off too.
"No I need to Vanessa. Because I'm done hiding it and honestly I've never felt more alone and more hurt in my life than the day you walked out until now. Because I still love you Vanessa. And I don't think I'm gonna stop."
Mwahahahahahha part three is shortly coming out so don't attack me plz
