The Totally Co-Tied for Second Second Place Sunset Award Almost Winning Story!!!
The Second Most Unkown Story in the Blue Rose Awards!!!
The Official Winner for the First Place for in Humor The Star Blazer Awards 2018!!!
So like when I woke up in...
"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." Leviticus 20:13
"Bitch please!" ~ Miley Cyrus
So like let me just start by saying ...I'd never really given much thought to the fact that I might die before I lost my virginity. But trust me, I have been thinking a lot about that shit lately. But like even if I had not thought about that a lot? I still would never have imagined it was gonna be this fucking stupid.
But I have learned that sometimes in life you like have to just say "YOLO" and do some seriously stupid shit. Like for no reason other than you're young, dumb and just because you can? So like all those old wyrd hippie chicks claim ... if you can't be with the one you lust, then lust the one you're with? Like even if they are a monster or whatever. Cause I think it's the thought that counts for something ...or whatever.
Anyways, I know that if I'd never gone to Forked, I wouldn't be facing death as a Virgin Sacrifice right now. But as bored ASF as I was, I just couldn't bring myself to totally totes regret the decision that led me to this point. Cause when life offers you a wet dream so far beyond any of your expectations? Yeah, it's not totally unreasonable to be super irritated when the alarm goes off and that dream comes to an end before the big finale.
So like here I am stuck in the suck that is Forked, about to be Sacrificed as a Virgin. I know right? Like how the fork does something like that even happen to someone as obviously awesome as me? But then again, maybe only totally hot chicks like me make decent virgin sacrifices? IDK?
Anyways, so here I am like so totes staring into the dark eyes of Hunter without really breathing. And he sooo looks super lustily right back at me. Like with that one lusty look that just screams, "This shit is on like Donkey Kong!". So sure as shit, this was probably not the best way to lose my V card? I mean, I was pretending to be someone super lame, that I am not exactly? Cause like taking the place of someone else, someone I almost sorta liked and shit ...but not in a gay way or anything? Cause like I totally support the right of everyone everywhere to be as miserable ASF with whoever they want to miserable with. Like I even have a Coexist sticker on my redneck racist truck to prove I hate everyone equally, irregardless of who they like to bang. Just the fact that they are sucking up my air is enough to hate on humans ...so like I don't need their porn particulars.
Anyways... the horny Hunter smiles at me in an unfriendly sort of way as he saunters forward to totally thrust me. And all I can think at the moment is ...is it like thrust on me? Or thrust in me? Not totally sure on the verbiage here? But whatever ...cause this thrusting stuff is totally gonna happen!
I am going to going to lose my Vampy V card under the Moonlight ....even if it forking kills me!
Fork yeah! Forked High Football Rules!
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