Moonlight ~ A Study in Stupidity

Chappie 5 - Yeah, I'm OTR so WTF are you looking at?

After I fired up the Thing I left my excuse for a school. So I slow-rolled out fo the parking lot, bumping the only song that ever made me feel fresher on days like today ...DMX "Up in here". Cause that was one dude that really understood PMS!

"You'all gonna make me lose my cool ...and act the fool up in here? ...up in here...up in here!"

I walked in the house, horny, hungry and in a bloody bad mood, only to discover that Chief Chuck had zero feminine hygiene products in the pantry. So I MacGyvered a quick fix-up real fast from my complimentary Greyhound bus bag. I found it hard to beliebe that with all the single mothers and strippers who must have shame walked in and out of here over the years working off speeding tickets, that not one of them ho's had the courtesy to leave behind so much as a backup plan. But then again Chuck was a cop ...so maybe he didn't want them leaving any evidence of their presence behind? Especially when one of them turned up MIA from a "fixit ticket" date night.     

During my search for the elusive white pony, I also discovered out that we had no real people food in the house. No frozen burritos or pizza hot pockets ...not even so much as an expired can of Spaghetti-O's. So I took the initiative to do some much-needed shopping for chick shit. So armed with the cash from the jar in the sink labeled "BEER MONEY", and I was on my way to the 7-11 to buy pads and whatever else I needed.

I gunned my Thing to life and ignored the nosey forking neighbors that turned in my direction. They looked at my loud thing as I rolled passed them thru the hood bumping DMX, but I didn't give a flying fork. If I was having a bad bloody day ...then they could suck it the fork up and deal! So fork them and their looking looks! So I kept my eyes straight forward and drove straight down the one street lameness with was Downtown Forked, to the one place that held most of my best prepubescent childhood memories ...7-11.

Of course, The Sev was not far from where I am staying, just a few streets south next to the ice-trucker highway like everything else in this one whore town. It was nice to be inside the mini-market again ...for a second it almost felt North Las Vegas normal. Well, save for the fact that the dude behind the counter was not a professional clerk wearing a turban like my old convenience comrade Singh the Shikk. But rather a weird white dude who reminded me of Duh Derick with his hands in his pockets.   

I think that J.D from Heathers said it best when he explained: "I've been moved around all my life. Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas ... There's always been a Snappy Snack Shack. Anytown, anytime ...grab a slushie pop in a ham and cheese in the microwave and feast on a turbo dog. Keeps me sane."

I did most of the shopping at home while sister-mom was sleeping off her latest Hooter's hangover on the regular, so I fell into the pattern of the familiar task easily. I hit the Sev Slushie machine and grab a blood-red slushie to suit my mood. Then walked the metallic shelved isles, while weird Duh Derick's even creepier twenty-something uncle scopes out my yoga ass. The store was loud enough inside with Metalica playing, so that I could almost not hear the constant tapping of the rain on the roof driving me to murder.

"Can I help you find something babycakes?" White trash not-Singh smiles super oil slick at me. But that "Babycakes" bullshit at the end just set me the fork off. So I go right from Zero to Bitchy Bombs in one second flat.

"Yeah, asshole." I seethe back. "Where you keep the forking könt canoe plugs at for that time of the month up in this bitch? Before I bleed out all over the floor and force you clean it up face first, motherforker!!!"

Of course, he gives me the "Ew uck" face all manlings get when you explain the "time of the Moon" to their small manling minds. 

"Isle over beer?" He points over to the coolers, without making eye contact.