Moonlight ~ A Study in Stupidity

Chapter 6 ~ Pizza and Sock Talks with Chief Chuck.

After reading Kim Kardashian's twitter account for a while, I've come to an important decision about a couple of things. First, while you can't turn a hoe into a housewife ...because housewives have kids and do dishes and shit like that? But you can turn a hoe into a hero for millions of lazy little girls. And all you need to do to make a Hero out of a hoe ...is add an "R" as in riches bitches.  

I think Kim Kardashian said it best when she said:"If you gonna sell yourself, never sell yourself short. And always get top dollar for the booty."  

So I think it's very important at this point, that I don't settle for anything less than the best my body can buy me. So maybe I need new plan? I need start looking for the richest family I can find to attach myself to and then get knocked up a little. Then I can start working on getting those child support payments rolling in. 

I am still thinking deeply thru the whole Hoe to Hero math stuff when Chief Chuck came home early from happy hour four hours later. I'd lost track of the time again catching up with Kim and learning to see the bigger brighter world thru her eyes.

"Bee? You home? ...and hopefully alone?" My new "Foster Father" called out when he walked thru the door.

"Ah yeah? Like who else would be here? Well, besides the bodies of dead strippers you buried in the backyard?" I point out.

Yeah, stripper ghosts were the totes worsts, I thought to myself. Better to be buried alive, then dead on your feet after a long shift at Mr. Bazookas. 

"Oh, okay." He sighed sadly. And if I didn't know any better, he sounded somewhat disappointed that I haven't found a new place to crash yet.

"Hey ...dude?" I come downstairs to see what's what. "Like su casa mi casa?"

"Oh, thanks." He snorted, stepping out of his shit kicker boots and pulled open the refrigerator about the kitchen looking for beer.

"WTF? Who brought this Milwaukee's Best Bud Light bullshit? Shit taste like carbonated Detriot homeless piss." He scowls down into the beer drawer.

"Oh yeah, I took your BEER MONEY cause I needed to get some chick shit. But I bought you some beer by the way...that shit was on sale? So I figured after your fifth or sixth good Texas import beer you probably wouldn't know the diff anyway." I smile proudly.  "Learned that shit in North Las Vegas High home Ecc."

"Huh? That's probably good thinking, I guess." He mugged appreciatively at my ingenuity pulling a decent Lone Star for his first taste of freedom.

"Oh yeah, and that sketchy dude down at the 7-11 is my new beer Bitch-Boy. So if you could drop in on that bitch and remind him that I can fork his life up eight ways from Sunday, whenever I feel? Like that would be forking stellar of you."

"Consider it done, Bee." He shrugs. 

One of the things I like about Chief Chuck the most is his complete lack of empathy for others ...or their rights. I think you have to have that certain lack of giving a shit about other people if you are going to be a good cop. And of course a willingness to shoot unarmed dusty people in the back whenever the mood suits you.  

As far as I was aware, Chief Chuck had never actually been prosecuted for killing anyone on the job yet. Probably because no one in this shit hole was smart enough to figure out how to record shit on their cell phone yet. Cause after a search of the internet, I couldn't even find one amateur sex tape related to Forked. And as everyone ever knows thanks to Kim Kardashian ...if you don't have a sex tape by the time you hit community college? Yeah, you ain't shit.  

I sort of remembering when I came here as a child, he would always let me play with loaded guns a lot. I know that most people might think this was "irresponsible" "reckless" or even "callus"? But I always felt that growing up with guns made you more American. Now Chief Chuck pretty much just leaves loaded guns lying around, so I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident? And maybe not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose anymore.