Moonlight ~ A Study in Stupidity

Chapter 7 ~ Life is a Little Better with a Bedazzled Boxcutter.

After slightly overdosing on Midol last night, my crazy-ass going downtown dreams of forking Eddie were way to for realz to even think about. When I finally woke up late, it was to the sound of angels pissing up a storm overhead again. It was worse because I was PMessing, so I couldn't get back to sleep thanks to all those asshole angels overhead taking a long leak on our roof.

I had a feeling that today was gonna be worse than yesterday. Or the other yesterday before that yesterday. Or even the day before that yesterday's yesterday. So maybe I should just stay in bad and smoke weed all day and try to think some thoughts?

So I lay in my bed in the attic staring at the ceiling wondering "Why" things. Like why am I so awesome ...without really trying to be? And if I am so awesome, why do I still not have my own reality TV show? But honestly, I sadly already know that answer to that mystery. It's because I don't have my own sex tape ...yet.  So totes sigh ...time to get to work.  

So maybe it is time for me to be the star in my own life? Maybe take some sexy selfies of my awesome ass in a slightly foggy bathroom mirror.  Then"accidentally" send them to someone I know will spread them around ...even after I tell them not to. Normally, I could count on sister-mom to do that kind of thing for me ...but here in Forked? Maybe, Gay Mikey? Or maybe, he would "EEEEW...yuck!" that noise and delete me before my awesomeness burned his rainbow brain blind.

"Fork it! I'm just being a bitch by myself, and that's not fun for anyone. So might as well just go to school and cut someone for fun." I roll out of bed and head towards the little ladies room to handle my bitch business.        

After wasting as much time as I could doing nothing much about anything. When I finally feel too bored to care, I roll out of Cop Mansion like a boss and head towards Forked Up High, for a day of cuts and sluts. I was feeling somewhat less whatever now that this flower was out of the attic, probably because it wasn't raining anymore. Even though the clouds were looking pretty pissy, all dark and dense and shit. And also for the first time since I landed in this craphole, I was armed with my weapon of choice, my brand new boxcutter. And even though it was all alone, and it wasn't bedazzled to all hell yet ...it was still my favorite new smile slicer. And I knew just who's frown I wanted to turn upside down today ...Mr. Downtown Dream himself ...Evil Eddie Forking Munster!

Today was only slightly easier, because I didn't have to talk to that stupid Hippy Chick in the office again. And I even remembered that I had art now instead of PE, so that was chill. People IDK looked at me in the parking lot like we were friends and shit? Probably cause word had gotten around that I was the new flavor of the month. I didn't know any of their names, and I really didn't give a shit to learn them either. But I did chin check them bitches back "Whazzup" and threw my RBF at everyone. Probably cause it's like not cool to be too mean to forktards or whatever.   

I really want to think everyone is equal in my eyes ...as in they all suck and I wish they would die. But the truth is they are not equal. I mean don't get me wrong ...I do want them all to die. But I also do want some people to die worse than the others. Except for Glee Mikey, Ninja and the Other Asians ...they were whatever.   

Gay Mikey came to sit by me in English like a good gay bestie should. So we spent most of classing write love notes ...about how awesome my ass was. He wanted to know my secret workout routine so that he could get an ass like mine too. But I lied and told him I did a lot of yoga at home. But I did decide to let him be my new best bitch anyways. I came to the conclusion that he was very lonely and needed to talk to someone who understood his feminine side. Too bad I didn't really have anything to offer him besides super bitchy, but he didn't really seem to mind. So whatever...  

Honestly, it was kind of nice to have a gay friend again, so that I could talk about all my girlie bitchy shit with someone. Who really got where I was coming from with all the snark, but none of the competitive bitchiness. Also the more I got to know Mikey the glee'er he seemed to get and that was whatever. Thankfully he catwalked me to my next class, with Derick stalking along behind us glaring at my ass like he wanted to live in it. Of course, all the while touching himself thru his front pocket. As if.