Moonlight ~ A Study in Stupidity

Intro~ You are now leaving Las Vegas, busted, broke and probably still hungover.

"Viva Lost Vegas!" - Hunter Thompson

It was like only seventy-five degrees in Vegas, and the sky was a perfectly cloudless blue and boring ASF. My hungover mother had decided to day-after-drunk drive me to the NLV airport, with all the windows rolled up. Probably just so she could totally torture me one last time with her stale-ass beer breath from the night before. Upside, at least she changed out of her neon orange Hooter's uniform short shorts, and back into what passes for what I call her regular whore-drobe. A pair of ancient ass daisy dukes, a Budweiser sports bra and a pair of faded pink cowboy boots, that might have been alright in the 80's. But not the good part of the late 80's with Maddona, but the lamer part of the early Cyndi Lauper 80's.  

While I was wearing my favorite shirt, a sleeveless white eyelet lace number, that totally shows off my new perfectly perty summer boobs. I was wearing this as kind of a Bone Voyage farewell gesture to my mother's new baseball player boyfriend Phil. But as usual, she's too hungover to get the message. But at least I gave Phil something to think about during his "alone time" out in the garage after I am long gone.  

I think my mom sorta looks like me ...sometimes? Except she is super old and shit, with blurry bloodshot eyes and leathery lizard skin. Like you can totally tell that she should have started wearing sunscreen a decade or two before she did? What's sorta sad about this is that she used to be an online psychic for a minute? So you'd have thought that she would have psychically seen those pre-skin cancer sunspots coming, right? I guess it's true what they say after all ...you really have to be careful how you pick your psychic friends too. 

Unfortunately for me, my mother clearly feels the need to slur out some more words at me, while circling around the airport to avoid paying for parking. 

"Belladonna my little bitchess..." My mom mumbles my whole name over at me, as if this will be meaningful instead of super annoying ASF. Like she has some last-minute super stupid sex advice to impart before I get out the crappy car and get on a plane. Like don't try to put a condom on with your mouth, or you will be tasting Teflon for the next three days? 

"You know don't have to do this shit, right? Like maybe, we can figure something else out?" 

I see a spasm of panic as I blankly stare back at her wide, childlike eyes of wonder. How could I leave my drunken, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? No problemo, pretty much the same way she left me at home to fend for myself since I was two when she had to go to "work". I guess payback is a bitch after all ...and that bitches name is Belladonna Blackswan.  

Oh yeah...that's me and shit. Just in case you just got lost ASF in my ongoing mental monologue like I do too. To be honest, I am not super psyched about my lame name, but it was better than the alternative, Destiny's Childe Blackswan. I swear to god, there should totally be a law or something that says ex-stripper moms should never be allowed to name their daughter's Destiny and shit. Cause some karma should just not be tested! 

Huh...Karma Blackswan might be cool though? Maybe I will change it later on when I get my own reality show or after my first arrest? Anyways...back to the bullshit.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be hella cool." I lied easily grabbing my shit and making my move for the door. "So anyways ...it's been real and shit, but I gotta go, ho."

Truth is that I've always been a pretty good liar. But I'd been saying this latest lie so much lately that it almost sounded tired and unconvincing now. I kind of wish that my face could express all the emotions I am not feeling at the moment. But for whatever reason, it is always stuck in Resting Bitch Face mode these days? My RBF is probably why people think I am super stuck up and shit. I mean I know I can always be acting up like I am cool and shit ...but even I have feelings too. Maybe? Sometimes? Anyways, whatever...