Secrets - Bellamy blake

Not Hard Enough!

I was outside, helping where I could. When Bellamy came over to me. "You ok?" He asked gently. I nodded at him.

"It had to be done." I finally told him. "I didn't like it. But we had to save Finn." He nodded at my reply went to walk away. I grabbed his arm. "Hey, don't beat yourself up about it." I smiled at let him go. Now was I saying it in regards to the day's events or in regards to what happened to me. I honestly did not know. What I did know is, that no matter what has happened in the past. My feelings for Bellamy were all over the place. One minute I liked him, the next I didn't want to be anywhere near him.

I caught up with Raven who hadn't left Finns side since the antidote was used. "How's he doing?" I asked gently.

"Getting there. I don't know how much longer he needs until he's back to his old self." She laughed gently. I was just about to say something when I heard my name being calle. I looked at her apologetically. "You go." She replied. I nodded a thank you and left. I saw Bellamy stood by the camp entrance.

"What's up?" I asked curiously as I got to him.

"Fancy going for a walk?" I nodded at his offer. After getting some rations from Monty and Jasper, who lets face it was eating most of them. I met up with Bellamy again and we headed out.

~

During the trek he told me that we were heading to a small army depot that suppose to be filled with supplies. We got to a clearing where a building had crumbled during the nuclear war. "It's got to be around here somewhere!" Bellamy insisted. "Split up, stay within shouting distance." I nodded and went to the right as Bellamy went left.

I was walking, kicking away leaves that had settled on the floor. I wasn't paying much attention to where I was putting my feet and ended up falling over a bit of metal sticking out the ground. "Found it!" I yelled. Bellamy came rushing over. Upon seeing me on the floor he laughed. "Don't just stand there help me up!" I reprimanded him like a child. He held out his hand and pulled me to my feet. "Thank you!" I breathed brushing the dirt off my trouser.

We tried lifting the door, but it wouldn't budge. It had a lock on it. Bellamy go out his axe and with two hits the lock fell off. We both pulled the door again. It creaked as it opened. I held a tourches to Bellamy as he lit it. Slowly and quietly we descended the stairs. I stayed behind Bellamy incase there was something in front of him. I wasn't scared, but I knew he could handle himself. Me not so much. "Really think this place hasn't been touched since the nuclear war?" He asked as we walked further in. Shining the tourches so we could see every nock and cranny.

"A girl can dream!" I said behind him. "Come on!" I pushed past him. I noticed another staircase and proceeded to go down. The further we went the darker it got. The colder it got.

"Anything left down here is ruined." Bellamy huffed as we looked in boxes. I went over to one and pulled out some blankets.

"Found blankets!" I exclaimed cheerily.

"Excited about a couple of blanket!" He scoffed.

"Well it's something." I mumbled to myself more so than him.

"How about a canteen. Or med kit. Or even a frecking tent." He kicked over a barrel and oil spilled out. Splashing my foot.

"Oh gee. Thanks!" I said shaking my foot.

He ignores me and bent down. "Oh my god!" He whispered. I walked over to him and peered in the barrel. He was holding a gun.

~

He placed some clothes on the opposite wall, with a giant x on it. "You need to know how to handle a gun." I looked at him shaking my head.

"I don't do guns." I protested.

"This changes everything." He turned to me. "No more running from spears." I glared at him, trying to telling I didn't like the idea of me holding a gun. He pulled me from my seated position, took the bag of nuts and stood me in front of the cloth. I took the gun from him and placed it against my shoulder.

"Like this." I looked at him. He came over and stood behind me. I could feel his warm breath on my neck.

"Yeah, just a little higher." He looked down at me as I smirked at him. "Uh! Yea that's good." He said quickly stepping away. "Now watch!" He stood next to me, raised his rifle and fired. All I heard was a clicking sound.

"I don't think it's suppose to do that!" I laughed.

"My bullets are duds!" He glared softly at me. "Try yours!"

I lifted the rifle to the position he had put it earlier and squeezed the trigger. The bullet hit the cloth just below the x. He raised his eyebrows at me and nodded in approval. He told me to fire again. I refused saying we needed to save ammunition. Bellamy fired again hitting the mark. "You left Miller in charge of the grounder." He looked at me. "You must trust him?"

"You should keep him close." He didn't answer my question. "The others listen to him."

I looked at him. Confusion spread across my face. "Bellamy, what's going on?" I made him turn and face me. I looked at him, trying to read his face. When it offered nothing I glanced as his pack. "All the rations you took!" It suddenly hit me. "You're gonna run!" I shook my head. "Why ask me to come with you? What you gonna do? Leave me here?" I yelled at him. Hit his chest over and over. Tears streaming down my face. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. Holding me tight he soothed me.

"No. I was going to ask you to come with me. Just me and you." I looked at him. "I don't have a choice. The Ark will be here soon."

"What about Octavia?" I wiped the tears away.

"Octavia hates me. She'll be fine."

"You don't know that. Besides, you came down here for her!"

"I shot the Chancellor! They are gonna kill me!" He saw the look of horror on my face. "Best case scenario - the lock me up with the grounder the rest of my life, and there is no way in hell, I'm gonna give Jaha the satisfaction." He set the gun down. "Keep practising. I need some air." He swiped the fabric away as he stormed out.

I sat down on a step and sighed. A little voice in the back of my head, telling me to go after him. Try and talk some sense into him. Taking a deep breath, I took off after him. I ran up the steps and out the hatch. Feeling the fresh air hit my skin I suddenly felt dizzy. "Bellamy?" I called out into the dark. "Bellamy?" I grabbed my head feeling it spin.

"Athena!" I turned round at the mention of my name. I was hoping to see Bellamy there. I did!

"Dad?" I looked in shock at my father stood in front of me. "What? How?" I shook my head. "You're not real." I said walking away.

"I wish I were. I wish I'd been there for you. You shouldn't have to have gone through what you did." I turned tears running down my face again.

"Why did you do it?" I yelled. "Why take the blame? You knew what she was like." I knew it wasn't real, but all the feelings and anger I'd locked up suddenly came pouring out. "I can't do this anymore." I feel to the ground sobbing. "Too many have died."

"You wanted to see the ground. Here you are. You need to step up. Be the leader I know you can be."

"I'm trying." I whispered.

"Not hard enough." My head shot up.

"What?"

"You need to focus on more important things." He said looking at me. "Forgiveness and love!" I looked at him. Suddenly it hit me. I was in love with Bellamy, but too scared of him cus he didn't help in the skybox. Also I had to get forgiveness for Bellamy from someone else. I nodded looked back at my dad and smiled. "I love you my little Warrior." Warrior, that's what he used to call me. It's what Bellamy used to call me. How did he know? My dad vanished. I rushed to my feet and went searching.