Torn » h.s./marcel

Chapter 32: I F-ing Love You!

Chapter 32: I F-ing Love You!

Marcel's POV

I sat on my bed with crossed legs, staring at the wall. I willed myself not to cry. My throat ached so much it hurt, but I still wouldn't let myself shed a tear.

It was my own fault. I fell for all of Allie's lies. She never liked me. She just wanted to build me up so she could tear me down again. I was nothing to her.

Three days. I hadn't cried about it for three days. I considered that pretty good. I thought Allie and I would be together forever, but now that clearly wasn't going to happen, I wouldn't let myself cry over it. It wasn't worth it.

There was a knock on my door. "Marcel?" my mother's voice called softly. "I know you're in there. Can I come in?"

I didn't reply, but apparently that meant yes. My mother opened the door and came in. She closed it behind her gently and walked over to my bed. She sat next to me.

"Are you feeling okay, dear?" she asked sadly.

I only nodded. I couldn't speak, for fear the lump in my throat would succeed and I would bawl my eyes out.

"I'm worried about you, Marcel," my mother said. "You barely ever come out of your room. This is your third day skipping school. That isn't like you."

I shrugged. I knew it wasn't good that I was skipping school, but I honestly didn't care. I didn't want to see Allie's face. I'd definitely start crying then.

"I'm not going to make you go back to school," my mother said, and I was surprised, but grateful. "But I do think you should go for a walk. Get some fresh air, clear your mind. Stop thinking about... it."

My mother knew about what happened. I had managed to tell her about it in the few moments the lump in my throat wasn't choking me.

I nodded. I would go outside and go for a walk. I was going to go to my special place. I was going to stay there. For a very long time.

My mother breathed a small sigh of relief and embraced me. "Get back before the sun sets, okay?"

I nodded again and hugged her back. I was lying. I was going to be out late.

My mother left. As soon as the door shut, I stood and put on a jacket and a pair of shoes. I needed some air. I felt sick. It would be good for me.

I clomped down the stairs and left my house, with one last goodbye wave from my mother. I turned and started down the pavement, looking down at my feet.

I couldn't believe I let myself believe her. I thought she'd changed, but she obviously didn't. She had played me like a useless puppet.

I was too credulous. I was too ready to believe Allie could be mine. She and Adam were meant for each other. They were both evil and cruel.

The fresh air didn't seem to be doing anything to help enlighten me. Instead, the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach increased. Each breath I took was like poison to my lungs.

I was worthless. Dumb. Idiotic. Stupid. Gullible. Ugly. Terrible. Awful. I had fallen for it all. How could've I been so stupid?!

I arrived at the park, but I couldn't sit down. I paced in circles around my tree, around my bench.

I tugged my jacket closer around me. My breaths grew shallow. I wanted to throw up. I felt hot tears prick in the corners of my eyes.

It was getting to me. Life was. Reality was punching me from all sides, bringing me down.