waste of your time

Part title

"I know I have a heart because I feel it breaking."
He once whispered to me in the darkness.

This was years ago.
He needed me.

Back when he was on drugs. I used to come to his house. I tried to stop him. Because he was my friend.

I didn't realise it then. But the reason I kept coming back to help him was because I truly deeply loved him.

He was so gone. In a different world. I'd let myself into his home with the keys that Karen gave me. His eyes were always sunken, red. He could barely speak.

I'd smack the weed straight out of his hand but then gently take his hand. He'd look into my eyes and remember my name.

"Ari."

I'd help him upstairs to his room and make him drink some water. Then I'd get into his bed. It's the only way I could make him sleep. He'd follow me underneath the covers.

He'd tell me. "I love you—but I am afraid of making that love too important. Because you're always going to leave me. We can't deny it. You're always going to leave."

"Malcolm you don't know what you are saying."
I'd never leave him, not until he was well again.

But I couldn't be with a man who'd break my heart.

We'd hold hands in the darkness.
As if the darkness hid the truth.

Eventually the drugs would leave him. He would wake up with his fingers interlaced through my red velvet hair and his eyes would truly see me.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked.

"You have a girlfriend." I'd reply.

"And she's never here for me like you." He'd always tell me.

"I'll kiss you if you give up the drugs." I'd whisper.

But he'd just lean in and kiss me anyway. And I'd let him.
Because I loved him.
And I didn't realise that.

Until the universe was belting it in our ears.

The year he healed.

The night we recorded 'My Favorite Part.'

In that studio, he'd watch me
read the music. I raised my eyebrows at the lyrics and looked at him, speaking the lyrics loud and clear.
"'It'll be alright babe, see, me, I got you covered I'm gon' be your lover, you might be the one.. ? If it's only tonight, ay, we don't need to worry
We ain't in a hurry, rushin' into love"

and that's when the energy hits us. I looked up at him through my lashes and saw his heart melt.

I don't know what had gotten into me. My hands snake around his neck.
"Mac- "i gazed into his eyes.
"Ariana?" He places his hands on my waist so naturally.
I leaned up, my heart racing.

His lips almost on mine, I can feel Malcolm's gentle breath as he whispers against my lips "You just don't know how beautiful you are."

He leans down and close the gap between us. His lips are soft and plump, they taste sweet. I can't get enough of him.

Suddenly his hands travel lower.
I moans lightly and I loose all self control. He slipped his hands under my sweatshirt and feels my untouched skin, tugging on me and drawing me closer towards him. Out kiss deepens, the sound echoes as we keep drawing back for air and touching lips again and again for more.

That night was our very first time.

We had cum together, kissing each other. He made me shake with pleasure.

For the first time in a long time I felt whole.

But right now I feel empty.
Even with Alexa and Aaron sharing my bed.

I long for Malcolm to take a flight and come to me.

No,

I wanted every last bit of Malcolm
that he can offer.
I will always be greedy enough to know
that no one
will ever appreciate me
the way that Malcolm does.

He is not just the moon and the stars that light me up in the darkness but the ray of sun that shines on me when I feel down.

I yawn in the darkness as I remember every inch of him and his beautiful smile.

My text tone chimes and as if telepathy, my Babu has sent me a text.

" Goodnight Ariana. I love you to the moon and beyond. Sleep well my lil' baby. I love you."