waste of your time

Part title

A/N: Hello this chapter was published and set before the last so if you are looking for the new update it is the chapter before

Malcolm's POV

I wake up in the middle of the night screaming her name.

The nightmares are always the same.

A doctor walking into the room and telling me she didn't make it.

Getting lost at night and having her taken from me, assulted in front of my eyes.

I'd wake up with tears in my eyes, reaching through my bedsheets for the beautiful woman that isn't there.

Ariana.

I just want to hold her.

I miss her.

I can't wait to be with her any longer.

I just want to hear her beautiful voice and hold her safely in my arms.

At first I was happy to be back in LA. But the longer I'm away from her. The more I worry about her.

I hope she doesn't think I'm cheating on her.

I hope she doesn't think I don't care.

Its just, I know if I wake her, crying on the end of the phone. I will break her heart.

This particular night. I had to put on one of her pink sweatshirts and smell the delicate scent in order to calm myself down.

She is safe.

Just a few more days.

Then you can hold her.

I try to sleep but I can't. So I flick through photographs of us on my phone.

It makes me smile.

I go down to the kitchen and get some nicatine gum and flick through tv channels.

I've been trying to quit smoking for her.

I know it will be a nice surprise when we meet. For her to hold me with out the smell of cigarettes.

I get all fuzzy inside thinking about how beautiful Ari is inside and out. How strong she is.

I rub the hem of her pink sweatshirt through my fingertips and gently smell it once more.

Suddenly, I notice something on the couch.

It's small, rectangular and when I see it closely, I choke up.

Its one of Ari's Pokicards.

As I examine the holographic laminate, my eyes widen.

It's an Eevee.

I smile wide. If she left this for me as a little hello, or even by accident, it was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.

I take a picture of it and send it too her with a thank you.

I realise she is in the middle of a show at the moment.

Probably singing her little heart our with that humongous voice.

Honestly, what did I do to deserve such a sweetie?

It's 4 am by now and I still can't sleep. So I drive to the studio.

Even when driving under the orange lights of the night. Redolences of Ari are all around me. She has left a small bottle of her perfume in the cup holder, and a yellow hoodie and pregnancy test are strewn over the passenger seat.

I giggle at that.

One time she really convinced herself she was pregnant because her stomach wasn't looking flat.

Hearing that the test was negative made me sad. But happy for her. Anyways it was a joy to see her tummy completely full of food for once.

As I walk into the studio. I'm alone. As I switch the lights on the memories of us in this room hit me hard.

Ariana's pink beats are laying on a couch in the corner, next to my black ones.

She is honestly all around me.

Suddenly my phone rings. My eyes light up as her name flashes across the screen.

She must have finished that show in Asia!

We face time for hours.

She lights up her life.

"I missed your laughter so much Ariana" I say as I gaze intently into the screen.

She winks at me and pokes her little pink tongue at me before blowing me a kiss and telling me about her day.

I bring my phone over to the recording desk and go through some of my experimental tracks with her.

There is one Ariana really would love to have on AG4. Her chocolate eyes illuminate as we listen together.

When she begins to yawn, I insist that she gets her sleep.

We tell each other goodnight before ending the FaceTime call.

To the woman who I'm going to ask to be my wife.

xxxxxx

After a few hours in the studio of messing with beats, I decide to rap.

Suddenly I feel a surge of creativity coming over me in the booth as the track switches to a more intense beat.

Suddenly all my insecurity and fear is released into the microphone.

Thoughts of the worst moments of my life run through my mind.

The day I turned on the news, saw the bombing and tried to call my love.

She wasn't answering her phone. She had been medically anesthetized due to hysteria. But I had feared the worst.

"You know what its like

To not know if the love of your life is a live -

the end of the world -

But did she survive -

To see the news -

all the views -

Your mind it screws

Ari i'd loose

Now every day I let her know I love her

Softly hug her -

and smother -

Her with kisses

Stories

Smiles

And even when a million miles

Apart, I know she knows

I love her.-"

I save the bars on my laptop and in the database under the name. LarryFisherman.

I don't think I will ever share a rap so deep with anyone.

Except for Ariana.

Because thats what we do.

That's how we trully fell in love.