"You stay so positive and kind even though you have depression and anxiety along with a dark history, how do you get over it?"
Let me tell you, I can't and didn't get over it. Depression or anxiety isn't something you get over like you would a cold. It's not that easy. Though everyone is different, so it could be a different story for you.
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Depression isn't always crying your mascara off in the shower and playing sad songs in bed. Sometimes it's not wanting to talk to anyone for days and other times it's desperately needing to be around people.
Sometimes depression is having no appetite even though you haven't eaten anything since yesterday and sometimes it's eating everything you have in the fridge.
Depression isn't your boyfriend or girlfriend holding you and telling you that it's going to be okay. It's sitting across the table, not eating, having him or her ask you what's wrong and knowing that you're ruining his or her night because you can't seem to snap out of it and just be happy.
It's the frustrating feeling of desperately wanting to enjoy something and just be fucking normal for once. It's keeping things a secret from the people you love because you don't want them to look at you like you're broken.
No, depression isn't beautiful black and white images. Depression is lonely and frustrating and mostly just fucking exhausting.
I haven't 'gotten over' my depression and anxiety. It's still very much with me. With the life I've had, there is no way I'm getting 'cured' or going back now.
------------ You have this one life. How do you want to spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Wishing? Praying? Running after people who don't see you? All I can say is, be brave. Believe in yourself, do what feels good. Take risks, you have this one life, make yourself proud.
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I am human, we all are. We all have emotions; breaking points.
Sometimes those emotions control us.
Make us do things we aren't proud of.
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Our breaking points make us go insane. Our minds can't process what has happened or what will happen.
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We never ask for bad shit to happen to us but yet it happens anyway, but why? Nobody really knows.
I have no cure, I can't help in the slightest. I'm of no use to anybody. I'm not happy, I use humour and fake smiles to cover up the fact that I want to jump off a bridge.
