"You seem to spend a lot of time together these days" she said, lifting up a slice to her mouth.
"Who Taehyung?" I asked, finishing my own slice. She nodded and took bite.
"Well we have school together and stuff"
"I'm glad you're making friends again Areum, it will help you to move on from things" she said, swallowing her food.
"Speaking about meeting friends," she said, putting the pizza down and sitting upright.
"I've met someone at work" she said, studying me for a reaction. My eyes widened a bit, now realising why she was seeming happier. I nodded slowly and looked at the floor, avoiding her gaze. I didn't know what to feel, happiness that she had found someone who was making her happy? Hurt that she had moved on? I shook my head, brushing any thoughts away.
"I'm happy for you eomma" I said, truthfully. I was glad someone was helping her to feel good again, making her feel normal. But a part of me was angry, angry that it was making dad feel less a part of my life than he already was. I missed him, there was no denying that, but I couldn't be selfish. Not more than I already was.
"Thank you sweetie, I know it's hard without him" she said, smiling sadly at me. She pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair.
"I miss him everyday and I still love him more than you could ever imagine, but you know he wouldn't want to see us like this" she said, smoothing down the strands of hair. Tears pricked at my eyes but I fought them away, pushing them back. I nodded and smiled, standing up from the seat.
"I'm really tired eomma I think I'm going to go to sleep now" I said, grabbing my phone and hugging her. She planted a kiss on my forehead and nodded, beginning to clean away the food.
"I'll put the left over pizza in the fridge for you"
She said, closing the box.
"Okay thank you" I said, running up the stairs to my room. I closed the door and leant my back against it, all the emotions suddenly flowing into me. I buried my face in my hands, my body sliding down the door until I was sitting on the floor, slumped against the door. I hugged my knees and cried into my hands, muffling the noise. I hadn't cried since that day in the hospital.
I forced myself to stop crying, to stop thinking about everything because it wouldn't help or change anything. But now I couldn't stop the tears that were flowing out of my eyes. I lifted my hand, using the back of it to wipe away the tears. I sat in silence against the door, thinking over everything in my head. My thoughts were interrupted when a loud ping echoed through the room, catching my attention. I looked down at the source of the noise to see my phone lit up with a notification as it laid on the ground, abandoned. I lifted it up to my face and read the message on the screen.
9:57pm
TaeTae 💗:
you okay?
My eyes lifted up to the window, a wave of fear rushing over me. Had he seen me? I stood up slowly and peered through the open curtains to see him sitting at the window seat, holding his phone and biting his lip. I sat on the bed beside the window sill, and looked down at the phone.
9:58pm
Me:
I'm fine
TaeTae 💗:
Do you want to talk about it?
Me:
I said I'm fine
TaeTae 💗:
I can see your red eyes from here
I looked up at the window and saw him looking back at me, a sad expression on his face.
TaeTae 💗:
I'm here for you, friends remember?
Me:
I remember, thank you Taehyung
TaeTae 💗:
No problem sweetheart
[seen 10:01pm]
I smiled to myself and looked up at him through the window. His hair would tousled and he looked concerned, his eyebrows knitted. His head lifted and his gaze met mine, a knowing look on his face. I flashed him a sad smile and waved, watching him wave back before closing the curtain.
I laid my head back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. A wave of guilt surged through my body as I recalled the sad look on his face when he saw me. He had made a friend in me, not knowing the catch. I was selfish to let him in, let him get attached to me, let him find a friend in me. And I was stupid to begin to attach myself to him. I was so comfortable around him and he made me forget my illness and my inevitable end to my short story. He didn't know the ending but I did, and I couldn't break his heart. If only I had not promised him and he would have never of become this close to me. It was too late and I couldn't go back, I couldn't fix another mess I'd gotten myself into. I wanted to be selfish a little longer, it felt so good to have him with me even if it will be short.
I reached a hand over to my sketch book, lifting it up onto my bed. I traced the gold letters on the front before opening it to the first page, a drawing of my dad. Most of the pages were occupied with portraits of him. I flicked through a few more until they began to change, new pictures of the scenery and the trees. The more recent pages had seemed to be filled with similar drawings, all based off of Taehyung's hands. Whenever I would see him fiddling with a pencil or his fingers I would mentally take a note to draw it later. I flicked to the last page, a drawing of the window opposite my own, the tall brunette boy sitting on the window seat with his headphones plugged in as his head lent against the glass. I closed the book and tucked it under my bed, pulling the sheets over my small frame.
