"Thank you for being my first kiss this year"
His words replayed in my head, the whole scene still stuck in my head. It had been 8 days since the party and Taehyung had messaged me thousands of times, missed calls spamming my phone. I kept my curtains drawn all the time and avoided seeing him or his family anytime I could. It was harmless having a friend, they'd move on easier, but now things were different. What would happen to him if I died earlier than I thought?
What would happen to me? No matter what I did I felt selfish, I wanted him so badly and the kiss only confirmed it. My craving for him seemed to get worse and worse the more time we spent together, the need starting to fog my ability to think straight. The sad truth was all too much, but he was making me forget about it. School had started three days ago, yet I had made myself absent. I refused to go to school knowing I'd see him there, it was safer to distance myself from him and let him move on from me. The number kept going down, the days reducing so fast.
His mom saw me the other day, insisting that me and my mom were to come over soon and that she missed us and so did Taehyung. The name sent a wave of pain through my body but I faked a smile, not wanting her to see through me. She said how he had changed recently and she asked me if I knew why. I shook my head, avoiding her gaze incase she saw the look in my eyes. After the short conversation I left incase he were to show up, only making the situation worse. I entered the house, hiding myself away in my room.
-
It had been a month. A whole month since the night of the party, I wondered if he kept thinking about it too. To say I missed him was something I couldn't put into words, every little thing he did had made so much of a difference. Without him my days were dull and empty, my happiness had seemed to vanish into the air along with him. Everyday the texts never stopped, at least one every day asking if I was okay and if I could please respond. I had thought about blocking him but I couldn't bring myself to, knowing once I had done that he would be cut off completely.
Eonjin had stopped by one day, asking to borrow my pencils. She told me how he had changed.
"He doesn't talk to us anymore" she said, slightly frowning.
"Oh" I said, not finding the words to reply.
"He misses you a lot, I saw him crying the other day but he wouldn't tell me why" she said, taking the pencils from my hands. Her words made my heart crack a little knowing he was so heartbroken, and it was all because of me. But that's what I did best, destroy the good things. She left shortly after that, leaving me alone in the empty and cold house. I began shutting myself out again, it was easy leaving everything behind. But leaving him wasn't.
The week of finals crept closer, the only week I would have to attend. I had no choice but return back to the school, knowing full well he'd be there. Luckily the exams took place in a hall not in the classrooms, meaning we would be separated and he wouldn't be able to talk to me. I turned my head over to the window after hearing a chorus of slamming doors and yelling from the house opposite. My eyes peeked through the curtain to his window, his hunched over figure slightly visible. The urge to call him to tell him I was sorry and that I didn't want to hurt him was so strong but it would only make it worse. I hugged my knees up to my chests and closed my eyes, silent tears dripping onto my legs.
I'm sorry
I whispered to myself, repeating the two words over and over as I rocked myself back and forth. My hands blindly reached for the sketchbook, flipping the pages until I reached the very last page. I looked at the clean paper and reached for a pen, opening the lid. My hand hovered above the paper before I began writing, pouring out everything onto the page.
A/N: sorry for the crappy and short chapter, it's just a filler and I'm having major writers block rn. I have some better chapters coming soon so please bare with me, I'll keep working on this and try to make these next chapters a lot better for you guys.
ily 💛
