Prompt: Can you do a prompt when Jin's father fully apologizes to Jin about how he didn't help him and stuff in Jin's POV and Jin loses his impassive façade a bit
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I looked around my bedroom, my trunk of clothes on the floor. I'd been unpacking most of the day, my parents in and out of the room to help me. They were currently downstairs getting dinner ready.
It wasn't as tense as the last time I'd come home. Last time, there'd been that awkwardness with my parents, that distrust in their eyes as they searched through my stuff to make sure I wasn't hiding alcohol.
This time, they'd helped me unpack a little, mom telling me about our new neighbors down the street. Dad didn't say much at all, but he didn't look as awkward as usual.
There was a knock on my door and I looked up as dad opened it. He came into the room, shutting the door and sitting on my bed.
"It looks good in here," he said, and there was the awkwardness. "It'll take you a few days to get everything back in order, but you got a lot unpacked."
I shrugged. "I guess."
He eyed the scars on my exposed arm. I'd tucked my armbands away in one of my drawers. There was no reason for them now. I didn't care who saw anymore.
"Take a seat, Jin," dad said.
Oh, great, a talk.
I sat down across from him in my chair. He nervously clasped his hands together over his lap.
"You're going to be going away to college in the fall," he started. "There will be...partying."
"And I won't be a part of it," I said flatly. "I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't like crowds."
"People slip up," he said, still not meeting my eyes. "And I just...I wanted to say...Well, if you get tempted..." He took a deep breath. "You've come so far, Jin. So far. If you get tempted, or if you start drinking again, please call us right away. We'll help you."
"Like last time?" I said, and the jab made him wince.
"I was a bad father to you," he said quietly. "Jin, when you told me those boys attacked you years ago, I should've stepped in. But I didn't. I thought it was boys being boys, but it was just kids being cruel. You were hurting, and we didn't help you. I didn't help you." He finally met my eyes, his full of sorrow. "Jin, it killed me to see you like that. It killed me to see my boy stumbling drunk through life. I was so scared for you. You were killing yourself and it was too late to stop you. I didn't try hard enough when it first started, and it got so bad I didn't know what to do."
"It's in the past," I said. "I don't care."
"I hate that!" he said. "I hate when you say that! I want you to care. I want you to care again, Jin. You were the happiest, kindest little boy I'd ever seen, and it broke my heart that the world beat that out of you. It broke my heart more to know that I didn't do anything to save you. I'm sorry, Jin. I'm so sorry. I'd give anything to go back in time and protect you." He bowed his head. "Please, forgive me for being a bad father to you."
I stared at him, struggling to shove my surprise down. Was he serious?
"Shut up. You didn't kick me out or anything," I said.
"I didn't help you," he said. "Do you know how many times I found you unconscious? I'd see you lying on the ground and I'd beg God to let you be okay. I swore if I got over to you and you were okay, I'd find a way to fix this. But I never did. You saved yourself in the end. You were always the strongest boy I knew."
"So strong I could chug half a bottle of vodka and only puke for a few hours," I grumbled. "Let me finish unpacking. Get out."
In all honesty, I just didn't know how to handle this situation. My dad had barely spoken to me since they sent me to Constance Academy. He'd told my mom I wasn't his son anymore. He'd given up on me.
And now he was telling me he was sorry, and that I was strong? What was I supposed to say to that?
Some part of me, buried deep down with the rest of my feelings, was trying to make me remember. Remember our nights lying outside together, looking at the stars. Remember him holding my ankles for me so I could do a handstand. Remember the time he caught a wasp with his bare hands and got stung three times so it didn't sting me instead. Remember him holding me because I was afraid of the ocean but I wanted to go in anyways. He'd been a good dad, but he'd made his mistakes. He was only human. You could love someone with your whole heart, but that didn't mean you'd always do the right things for them.
Dad stood up, looking at the corner of my room. "I remember when you were just ten years old. I came home and found you crying in that corner because kids had smashed your science project to pieces. You were holding the remains to your chest. You'd worked so hard, and you were so upset."
"You stayed up with me all night to make a new one," I said.
He gave a sad smile. "I brought you to school the next day and walked you to class so they couldn't wreck it again. You got an A on the project and asked me if we could do another one together." He dropped his gaze to the ground. "I wish I'd been that kind of dad to you all the time, Jin. I wish I had always helped you and protected you. But I didn't, and I can't change that, and no apologies will ever change what you endured. But I love you. Do you know that? I love you, and I'm so proud of you. You turned your life around and helped yourself. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever forget how strong you are."
He stepped forward as I stared at him in surprise. He pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly.
"I love you, Jin," he said quietly. "I couldn't have asked for a better son."
Son. I was his son. He loved me.
"Shut up," I said, but I couldn't stop the shake of my voice. I put an arm around dad, feeling my lips trembling as I fought to hide my smile.
He looked at my face and smiled. "You have a nice smile. I hope we get to see it again. I've missed it."
"Shut up," I repeated, turning my face away from him.
"I promise I'll always do my best for you," dad said. "Will you give me another chance, Jin?"
"You don't need my permission," I said.
He put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. "I hope one day I can make you as proud to have me for a dad as I am to have you for a son."
I couldn't even get out my "shut up". I leaned back against him and we stood there, father and son once again. Our wounds would heal. They'd leave scars, but I was learning to embrace my scars.
