The Neighbor // Brallon

last hope

Wake up,

I lay in bed trying to find some reason to get up.

I can't find one,

So I stay.

I call in sick the last day of school.

Don't show up to graduation, they don't want you there anyways.

Wake up,

Face what I did every second.

Wake up, look myself in the mirror and try to deal with it.

My eyes have sunk into themselves, my clothes smell constantly like whiskey, vodka, bourbon, cheap wine, anything to stop the pain. I've stopped eating unless you call twinkies in the bathtub a meal, my bones are almost visible through my skin.

Wake up,

The school called. They want to talk to me. I don't put whiskey in my coffee that morning. I brush my teeth, dress myself as well as I can with shaking hands. The hangover is brutal. I walk. They tell me they didn't renew my contract.

"Fuck you!" Is my response.

Wake up,

Breezy left a long time ago but today she brought my boxes from Brendon's house.

I want to die.

Wake up,

I don't even get out of bed anymore.

Wake up,
I want to die
I want to die
God, I JUST WANT TO DIE.

Wake up,

Today I walk to the liquor store and get worried looks from everyone I pass. The kid at the counter opens his mouth to say something, I stare him down and he leaves me alone.

I open the bottle on the way home and drink it all before I get back to my house.

Wake up,

I curse myself. I hoped I would have died.

Wake up,

My wrists still sting. I had forgotten what this felt like, but I've never felt better.

Wake up,

I get out of bed, pour whiskey in my coffee and sit in the front porch. My grass is dead. I see Brendon's car in the driveway across the street. Does he see me?

Wake up,

Today is the day. I wake up before the sun rises. I shower today. Wash my hair, cut it myself and get dressed. My clothes hang off my body, like I'm a skeleton. I make coffee and drink it black, my hangover no longer affects me.

I leave the house with my briefcase. There's only one paper in it signed in my blood. I hope someone will appreciate it.

I walk for miles until I'm standing on the freeway overpass, the sound of ocean waves behind me and traffic underneath. I stand and I stare for what feels like hours. I roll up my sleeves and see what I've done to myself. It's my punishment. This is what I deserve.

The lines are a puffy, angry red, raised above my untouched skin. It doesn't sting, doesn't hurt. Not anymore.

No one stops, they stare, but no one tries to stop me. At one point I climb on top, I look over and the wind whips at my shirt. I smile as I look at an approaching semi. I could fall. I could die. It could be OVER.

Maybe I would go to hell.

I probably would.

Maybe I would have to deal with what I did to him for eternity.

I hate myself for it. I slip

But I don't fall.

A tear slips down my nose and soon I am sobbing on the dirt covered concrete. I sniffle grossly and stand up to my feet uneasily. I gather myself and face the waves. They calm me and something leads me to the beach. I walk more than I already have until my toes are tangling with the sand. The sky is dusky and the waves are calming my senses. The scent of salt and brine fills my nose as I walk through the thick sand. I spot a figure sitting in the sand at the crest of the hill and walk towards them. As I get closer I recognize him.

Brendon.

When I'm right behind him I see his shaking shoulders, he's crying, and a repetitive motion of his hands. I get closer and see him holding a small metal straw spinning in between his fingers like drumsticks.

"No..." I say it out loud and he turns to look at me.

"Dallon?" He sniffs and shoves the straw in his pocket with a guilty look in his eyes. I clutch the sleeves of my shirt knowing what lies underneath. He'd be so disappointed.

"What're you doing here?" I ask and stand closer to him.

"I don't know," he wipes his nose, "I uh, needed a second."

"So you drove to the beach?"

"Something lead me here I don't know Dallon!" His voice breaks and he starts to cry again. At that point I run in the sand and sit down next to him, wrapping him up in a hug. He resists at first and then within seconds he relaxes into my arms.

"I'm so sorry bren..." I say it softly into his hair. That just makes him cry harder.

"I hate you SO MUCH!" He cries clutching onto my shirt, "but I love you! And it's so hard hating someone you love!"

My heart clenches and I just rub circles into his back, "I know I'm terrible, I hate myself for it every day."

"I hate you..." he sniffles and rubs his face into my now wrinkled shirt.

"I don't blame you." He sits up for a second and looks in front of him at the ocean tumbling over the sand. We sat here months ago and I told him everything. Just days after I had proposed. This was the start, or at least what we hoped would be the start.

Why did I wake up?

"Why are you here?" He asks curiously wiping his eyes.

I shrug, can't tell him really why. Can't tell him I wanted to die by the ocean.

"Something lead me to the beach," I turn my head and smile at him. His eyes widen and that's when we realize.

We had both been lead here. Something, someone, somehow kept us until this very moment where we would sit by each other. Something kept me alive until right now, and maybe that meant something.

Maybe,
Just maybe,

It meant hope.

EL FIN

Well
I want to to die... anyways! Thank you so much for all of y'alls support we definitely wouldn't be here without you! I can tell you that this is a hard ending... I have truly loved writing the soap opera of Dallon's fictional life and I hope that you have enjoyed reading my interpretation of that. For some of you this ending will kill you for the rest of your life (I hope not) but I want to offer you peace of mind. I'm sure that Dallon and Breadbin will live a long and happy life together. --I'm ready for the hate comments oml--

But I love you all and thank you for this beautiful journey that I have been thankful enough to be a part of. Thank you for your comments! I've loved seeing them from my beautiful wife lol, but honestly thank you!
So for the last time,

AU REVOIR!
-@Trixxiee78
      Syd

now for my ending authors note. its been a long year and a half of this book and i don't regret it at all. i got a fish because of this book for christs sake. i'm sorry about the ending, it was just this.

with that said there won't be a sequel, we can all agree sequels are shit.

also we plan on writing a ryden together...
before you hate comment,

let me know if you would like me to post on here to let you know when the ryden is out!

so much love to you guys, you made this book what it was,

signing off,
PrettyOdd_Panic.