Never Told A Lie (Phan fiction)

Chapter 30

a/n: its been ages im so sorry omg

It’s barely fifteen minutes into lunch break, people are still talking and glancing and pointing, and despite all of that, Dan sort of really wants to kiss Phil – a real kiss, not something like the small, innocent peck he gave him before first period. It’s quite ironic, really, that Dan is the one who wants to show public affection all of sudden, considering how much he was against showing their relationship off in the first place. He can’t help it though, because their relationship is still so new and fresh and Dan is still in that stage where he just wants to shower Phil in affection all day and all night long.

It’s sort of funny, really, if you think about it, that Dan feels like this now. After all, in all of his former relationships – if you can even call them relationships at all – it’s always been the other way around. Dan has never been the one who wanted to act all lovey-dovey or kiss in front of people, he hasn’t really cared whether people knew that he was seeing someone or not, because in the end it has never really stopped him from fooling around with someone else anyway.

Now, however, with Phil, everything is just completely different. Dan doesn’t want anyone else but Phil. He sees all those girls (and the few boys) he has been with now, and he doesn’t understand it. He can’t grasp how he has ever wanted to sleep with all of them, fuck around with them and then just drop them like nothing. It’s sort of disgusting, Dan thinks, what he did with all those people without a second thought. It’s never even been normal teenager behaviour, either, because the definition of that would probably be a few one-night stands every once in a while, but what Dan did was nothing like that. He had sex with almost all the girls in his year and many more of whom he can’t even remember the face, let alone the name.

It feels weird that he’s thinking about Phil all the time now and that he wants to see him constantly and kiss him no matter what. Dan so isn’t used to any of these feelings; they are completely foreign to him. As much as it feels weird, however, it also feels sort of wonderful and amazing, and Dan loves that he likes Phil as much as he does because at least now he knows that he isn’t a fucking robot without any feelings, but that he is perfectly normal and able to actually evolve feelings for another human being.

And now that he wants to show that off, he can’t. Because he is an idiot that is afraid of silly things and afraid of the opinions of people he doesn’t give a shit about, and because he has told Phil he doesn’t really want people to know when really, at the moment, he doesn’t want more than just that.

“Dude, are you even listening to anything I just said?” Chris asks and Dan only really listens up because he gets kicked in the shin and it sort of hurts like hell.

“Sure,” he replies, even though he wasn’t really.

He can’t help drifting off though, because Phil is sitting right next to him, their entwined hands resting on Phil’s thigh, and Dan can’t think anything else but I really want to kiss you right now and how did I end up with someone as perfect as you and most of all please let’s leave and hide away in an empty classroom and make out for a bit. Naturally, he doesn’t say any of this though. It would be sort of inappropriate, really, and Dan’s almost a hundred percent sure that Phil isn’t feeling even half as needy as he is and wouldn’t really want to actually make out anywhere at school, where anyone could walk in on them any moment, anyway. Phil just isn’t like that, and Dan has to accept that he is in a sort of hopeless situation.

“Are you feeling alright?” Phil asks then, all quiet and worried, but he doesn’t dare moving closer to Dan, in fear of his reaction, Dan supposes, and he can’t help but feel sort of bad because Phil probably thinks that Dan is having second thoughts about the whole thing and doesn’t want to anymore, which is not at all how things are and it just makes Dan want to lean over and fucking kiss Phil even more, just so he knows.