Missing You | Harvey Mills

9. okay

'Okay' was all he said. Not another word, not another paragraph.
It was all over now. All the drama and tears were finally over.
In me sparked a glimmer of hope, that perhaps I could finally get over him.
But with Harvey Mills, everything is complicated.

He hasn't texted me in a week.
It's taken some burden off my back but I feel weirdly empty without seeing a message from him.
He still stares at me whenever I walk past him. I try to ignore him.

But whenever he's in class he almost always has his head resting on his arms, which are crossed over on his desk. He isn't sleeping. He just stares blankly into space.
I can't even tell if he's upset or angry.

It's like he doesn't even care anymore.

It's fourth period and we have science.
I sit in the back row next to Max and Harvey sits at the front row.
He's doing it now, I can see him.
The boy next to him nudges Harvey but he stays still, as if he hasn't noticed him.
He seems to be ignoring everything that's been happening around him lately.

"Please just talk to him," Max begs.
"No Max" I say for the millionth time.
"But you said you'd talk to him"
"I said I'll try!"
I slam my pen onto the desk trying not to shout at him
"And you're not trying!" Max protests, anger beginning to flare in his eyes.
"Why don't you talk to him then?"
"He doesn't want to talk to me. He wants to talk to you".
"Well I don't want to talk to him Max". I say firmly and go back to doing my work.
"Fine, be like that," Max sighs, also going back to his work.

We don't speak to each other until the end of the lesson.

Class finally ends and as I walk out I see Max jog over to Harvey. I walk behind them but keep my distance so they don't notice me.

"You look tired Harvey. Did you get enough sleep last night?" Max asks worridely.
"Yes Max," Harvey replies with an irritated voice.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!" Harvey snaps, beginning to lose his temper.
There's a slight pause.
"Are you okay then?" Max asks, his tone more soft.
"I'm fine Max" Harvey replies.
But this time he sounded tired.
The wall had fallen down; his tone shone through more than his words did. He had given up.
"Okay," Max said, as if he understood.

-

It was nearing the end of the school day.
I decide to go to my locker to collect my pe kit.

I open my locker and a folded note falls into my hands.
It's slightly crinkled and I smooth it down on my leg. In the middle of the note in small, neat handwriting it says:

meet me in room 14 after school

-h

I scrunch the note up and throw it away.

-

9.1. solitude

-

🌱

a solitary classroom in the middle of nowhere.
one desk and one chair in the middle.
a chalkboard in front with the words, 'forgive me, sir'.
the darkness feeds off of the loneliness.
a cold, unwelcoming room that makes your nightmares come true.

a single girl walks in, and everything changes.

-

"You came," Harvey says, a ghost of a smile on his lips.
"I'm surprised myself," I shrug and walk over to the desk opposite. "What do you want? "
"I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore, but could we stay as friends?"
"Friends? Harvey... we were never even friends in the first place- I used to hate you".
"Could we be friends then?"
"No Harvey, that's not how it works," I say tiredly, looking away.

He gets off the desk and grabs my wrist firmly and pulls me towards him.

"Stop it Harvey, " I say, and try to pull my wrist out of his grip.
He comes closer and I feel my breath hitch, my face become hot.
"No," He says and takes another step.
"Let go of me, Harvey".
"Please listen to me Annie."
He continues, tightening his death grip on me.
"You're hurting me, Harvey".

He immediately drops my wrist.

"I'm so sorry Annie. I didn't realise what I was doing, " Harvey mutters.
I roll my eyes and rub my wrist to bring back the circulation, but that wasn't what caused the ache inside of me.
"Just save it Harvey, you've apologised enough already, " I say through gritted teeth.
"But why can't we be friends Annie?"
"Why should I be friends with you? Why should I have anything to do with you? You only dated me for the money, Harvey. Or maybe it was to prove a point. You never even liked me in the first place".
"But I did eventually. I fell for you Annie"
I look at him- he looks hurt.
"You say that but you could have stopped the bet, and dated me for me instead of for money, but you didn't Harvey. You carried on. Like this was all a game to you. This whole relationship was fake"
"But it felt real to me"
"You don't just date someone on a bet, Harvey. And yet after all this, you expect me to be friends with you? After everything you've done to me. Thats not how it works. You messed up Harvey. This your own fault."
" I know I messed up Annie, don't you think I don't know that? It kills me everyday to know that I did, and that I lost you. I was so stupid".
"Why didn't you stop it?"
"I don't know. I was stupid and ignorant enough to think that I would never lose you, or that you would never find out. Deep down I knew that I should have... but I didn't. I'm sorry Annie. I really am. Give me another chance and I swear I won't mess up this time".
"I'm not ready for another relationship yet Harvey".
"Then we don't have to do that. We'll take it slow and I'll prove to you that you can trust me. "

He looks at me with the most sincere eyes and takes my hands gently into his own.

"I don't know Harvey..."
I avoid his eyes.
"We can take it really slow, okay? We could just say 'hi' when we see each other".

I look down at my feet. Did I really want to do this? I would just end up getting hurt again, right? Was this part of the plan all along?

"You won't get hurt again, Annie, I promise," He says in a soft voice, "I can't afford to lose you again. I just want you back in my life"

But could I afford to have him back in my life?

He rubs small circles into my hands while I make my decision.

"Okay, " I say in a small voice.

I look up from my feet and into Harvey's eyes. There's joy in it- something I haven't seen in a while. He looks so happy but have I done the right thing?
Harvey pulls me in with my hands and into a hug. He hugs me so hard that I wonder if he'll ever let me go.

"Thank you, Annie, " he whispers into my ear, before finally breaking apart from me.

I was still in shock of what had just happened that I didn't even realise that Harvey was dragging me by my hand out of the classroom. We arrive at the exit and he finally lets go.
I walk back home alone with my thoughts.

-edited

Could have been better but hey-ho

Ugh I swear I have a problem with hw. Like legit every time there's something due in I literally do it the day it's due in so like in the morning right before school or in form or break etc and it's so tiring
Most of the time I manage just in time or get out of it because I am a thankfully lucky person in general :)

Oh also I might be rewriting my other book 'conflicted' and there might be a new book coming up ;)))

Thank you for reading my rant sexy lemurs ;)

~C