Leave The Light On

but its my birthday

Warning - touches on sensitive topics

Actions are temporary.

Words are forever.

She rolled over and looked at the alarm clock beside her, the bright blue numbers lit up the darkened room.

3:42

She laid on her back, staring at the ceiling.

You're an idiot.

How could you trust him?

This is all your fault.

You're disgusting, no wonder he didn't want you.

She rolled over again, she had gotten used to this feeling.

The feeling of emptiness.

The feeling of neglect.

After all, even her parents couldn't love her.

She listened to the freckled man beside her snore loudly, trying to focus on that.

She was supposed to be happy, right?

She was with an amazing guy, he never acted like him.

He never told her she was crazy.

He never lied to her.

He never broke her heart into a million pieces.

He never cheated on her.

So why wasn't she happy?

She looked at the sleeping ginger beside her, the only time she admired him was when he was sleeping.

He was peaceful, like a baby.

She didn't love him, she didn't really feel anything towards him.

She slowly sat up and got out of bed, walking to the bathroom.

She shut the door behind her and turned on the light.

You're disgusting.

She stared at herself in the mirror, thinking about all of the reasons to hate herself.

The words didn't affect her anymore, nothing affected her.

The feeling that once was carved inside her, was no longer there.

Emptiness.

She had no more tears to shed.

No more nights spent sobbing.

No more pain.

She opened the cabinet drawer, and picked up a small box of razor blades.

She stared at them, remembering all the nights she spent in the bath debating whether she should end it or not.

Remembering the first night she used them, how she cried for hours, unable to stop.

She looked down at her thighs, seeing the scars.

She picked up one of the blades, and held it against her wrist.

Who would even care.

She closed her eyes, she couldn't do it.

She put down the razor and walked out.

She laid next to him, letting unknown tears fall out of her eyes.

Not tonight.

She thought.

Not on my birthday, at least.