Irreplaceable

Chapter 27

Every night, a new venue filled with new faces and I begin to enjoy everyday more and more, falling deeper in love with my music, deeper in love with my career.

Slowly Shawn and I had worked things out without discussing any events, I forgave him and our kissed remained unmentioned, in fact that whole night remained unmentioned. We never spoke about it and for that I am really glad, somehow we just moved past it after about a week of avoiding one another we both realised it was silly, and although the particular issue was never resolved we somehow became closer. Initially starting with the boring small talk everyday, like asking how the other was if we sat next to them at breakfast and the hello when we walked past each other in the hallway which soon progressed to us having movie nights, staying up until the next day and laughing the night away. As friends. But the rejection still remained plastered in my head, so did his spiteful comments. They never left me.

Lauren is still in the picture, and for some reason every time I tried to make things work with her she would ignore me or make some indirect but harsh comment on me, I tried and I failed. Honestly I didn't know how people said she was so nice, because when I was around she flipped completely on me, what was it that she said. Oh yeah,

"Look I don't know what you think you're doing but get your pathetic little ass away from me and Shawn, you clearly haven't gotten the message but he doesn't like you. Neither did Noah, neither will anyone else." She said smugly once when we were alone in the bathroom, just after a show.

"Big words from someone who has toilet paper stuck to their shoe," And with that I had left, not giving a damn about what she had to say.

Funny thing is, Noah and I were closer than ever but only as best friends. He found a new girlfriend and from what I can hear she sounds like THE one for him, and honestly they are the cutest couple ever! I know Noah is serious about her because on the few times we had been on facetime he had dropped hints he wanted a future with her, I never heard him talk about anyone like that. I think we were definitely suited to be best friends, not lovers. I mean, who even said you can't be friends with your ex?

Throughout the whole tour my fan base grew, and I was now more popular than I ever had been, my quality of music had improved so much by my constant experimenting whilst the others would go out clubbing, it's not that I didn't go with them ,I did occasionally, but most of the time I stayed back. Mainly because although I had forgiven Shawn my feelings for him remained much to my disappointment and seeing him with Lauren made me feel sick to the stomach, also every club we had gone to some drunk guy tried flirting with me. No thank you. I remember the last incident very vividly, we had gone out to our nearest club and there I was on the dance floor, slightly tipsy when a guy approached me and of course we started dancing together, but as time continued he started to get closer to me, invading my personal space. I tried to push him away but it didn't seem to work, and his hands started to find their way up my skirt. The rest is a blur but all I can recall is a red face Shawn yanked me off of him and punched him straight in the jaw, we were grateful to find out the next day that the guy was so drunk he didn't remember anything and there was no press, so Shawn got away with it.

Overall, so much had gotten better and stronger, my music, my fanbase and my love for my fans and career to name a few. However, one thing that only got worse was the amount of sleep I had, it slowly only became less and less and this was due to my room constantly being next to Shawn and Lauren's and with the hotel walls being so thin I could hear exactly what was going on next door, if you caught my drift. Literally nearly every night. I really didn't understand how they didn't get fed up! And last night was no exception, so after their many hours of taunting when I settled into a sleep it was restless and that's exactly how I found myself here at 6am strumming on my guitar on my bed unable to go back to sleep. So I did what I could do best, I sat there strumming on my guitar thinking of chords and lyrics to a new song, throwing my heart, my soul and my feelings in. I gave everything to my music, I gave all of me.