My Fucking Mixed Up Love Triangle

Reality's A Bitch

Most people grow up envisioning how they want there life to be. I was in the classification with the people who did. I would sit awake at night and envision the perfect life. The life I felt I was born to live. The life I have now is close to the one I envisioned without the few bumps in the road. 

I would imagine living in a two parent household with a father who tucked me in at night and told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world when I got my heart broken and a mother who I would talk about the latest gossip with and would ask me how my day was when she picked me up from school. But the thing about imagining is that it isn't real and sooner or later you'll have to face the fact that, that isn't how your life is and how it's never going to be.

I was faced with the reality that I had a father who didn't love me and a mother who only cared about looking for the man who broke her heart. The difference between my mother and I is that i faced my reality but she hasn't.

My mom has spent most of my life looking for a man who didn't want to be found and everytime she would leave to look for him I would tell myself that she was doing it for us , that she was just trying to give us this happy family but as I got older I realised my mother had only had children for him because she thought it would make him stay .

Everyone grows up imagining how their adult life is going to be. They plan their weddings , from the age they'll be when having their first child .For most children at the age of twelve their whole adult life is already maped out but in my case I was the exception because at twelve I only had one rule that is forever engulfed inside of me. A rule that I vowed to never break and that was to never under any circumstances end up like my mother. 

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock repeatedly beeping. I rolled over and pressed the off button then got up and headed towards the bathroom. I got in the shower and washed my body then got out.  I went over to my closet and put on my galaxy tank top and my silver skirt and heels. After getting dressed I went back into the bathroom and put on my nude lipstick and side parted my hair and did loose curls. I went back into my closet and switched all my belongings into my black chanel purse then grabbed my bookbag and headed downstairs.

I walked out the front door locking it behind me and got into the car with Nathan. The car ride to school was silent until we pulled up to the front of the school.  "Have a good day" Nathan said as we stopped in front of the school.  I got out the car and went to the backseat and collect my stuff.  "Have a good day too" I said then closed the door. I began to walk up the entrance way when Matthew blocked my path from three feet away.

I immediately walked up to him and began to apologize.  "Im so sorry Matthew" I said then hugged him. "I was being so mean to you and I understand if your mad at me" I said in the crook of his neck.  "Hey look at me" Matthew said cupping my cheeks and pulling away from our hug.  "Im not mad at you I understand everything that your going through" Matthew said.  "Don't make excuses for me Matthew" I said while closing my eyes.  "I'm not but I can see your hurting but what I dont understand is why your punishing yourself when your in love with a guy who is willing to die for you" Matthew said walking over to the stone wall with a guitar.  "You dont understand" I said then sat down.  "Then sing it to me" Matthew said.  "What" I said turning towards Matthew.  "You heard me. Sing it to me" Matthew said. "Ok fine" I said.  "Behind These Hazel Eyes -Kelly Clarkson" I said. Then Matthew began to strum the song and I began to sing.

Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight

Everything, it felt so right