Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 22

Camila's POV
"No, Dinah don't. What're you doing?" I beg silently and weakly. "What needs to be done. Right fucking now, show her." Dinah growls and I jump. I didn't want her to hate me, but the look in her eyes showed anger, and maybe even hate. "Please..." I whisper, and Lauren just stands there looking confused and upset. "Camila," Dinah begins but she is cut off. "Dinah! That's enough. What the fuck has gotten into you? Can't you see she is terrified of you right now?" Lauren questions, gesturing to me. All of a sudden I see Dinah's angry face drop, and a face of sadness appears. "Mila, I'm just trying to help you..." She says quietly. I don't know what to think or say, so I look down. "I didn't mean to flip out and yell at you like that..." She continues. "Can you leave for a minute?" Lauren asks Dinah, softly. She just nods and turns to walk away.

Lauren pulls me into the room and closes the door before pulling me into a hug. After a minute she pulls away. "Now, what was she talking about?" She asks, worriedly. "You did it again?" She searches my eyes. I gulp, and slowly nod. "I'm sorry. Please don't hate me..." I apologize quickly and look away from the green-eyed girl. I'm startled when she pulls me into a hug. "I could never, Camz." She rubs my back soothingly, and for just a split second, I feel wanted. "I just have one question... Why do you do this to yourselve?" She pulls away just enough to look into my eyes. "I-I'm just not enough. I never have been. I miss being the happy girl from the X-Factor days, but I can't change. I just have all these thoughts in my head and they tell me that you guys don't need me. And just look at us, I'm just a problem in this group. Look at how I made Dinah feel! I just don't want to do this anymore." I admitted through tears. "Camila, look at me. We need you in this group. Yes, you made Dinah upset but that's because she wants you to be happy. And maybe you don't want to be part of Fifth Harmony, but we can't do it without you. I can't be part of this without you." She wiped my tears gently, but they kept a falling. "No, you don't understand. I can't do THIS anymore. I feel so alone, and hated. I am literally destroying myself, and yes I realize it but I can't stop. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I wanna die." I swallow the lump in my throat, and see Lauren's eyes widen and change to complete sadness, and confusion, and hurt. "Don't you fucking dare say that. I couldn't live without you! Don't you understand?!? None of us could! We love you so much, Camila! Why do you think we are trying to help? If you ever think of doing it, tell me. We need you here. I need you here. Okay?" She says, with so much passion and love I can feel it. I nod at her words. "Thank you, Lo." I say. "You're welcome. Just please, please let us help you get those thoughts out of your head. I couldn't..." She began, but her voice broke. "Ok." I say softly, nodding. I wanted it to stop, too.

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After the concert (I wore tights so no one could see the scars unless they were really close up and looking for them) we all packed up and got onto the bus. I was exhausted, probably from the lack of water and food. I hadn't talked to any of the girls since I had left Lauren in our room, a few hours before. "Um, Mila, could I talk to you please?" I hear Dinah say after we all step onto the bus. I nod slowly and she leads me back to the lounge. "Listen, I'm really sorry for hour I acted earlier. I don't really have a good excuse, I was just upset and hurt. You are one of my best friends, and it hurts me to see you in so much pain. I just.... flipped. And it won't ever happen again, I just want you to let me help you. To let all of us help you." She breathed out. I stood there frozen for a minute, until I opened my mouth. "It's ok, Dinah, I forgive you. I'm sorry, too. I led you to trust me, an made you think I wasn't doing anything. And I'm really sorry. I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me." I looked down. She used her finger to lift my chin up and looked into my eyes. "You have nothing to apologize for. I should've made sure you knew that you could talk to me about it, because even though I didn't want you to do it I would rather you tell me that you are doing it instead of keeping it to yourself. So don't apologize. Can we just... forget about this?" She asks, dropping her hand with a small, yet sad, chuckle, seeming as if she wanted to lighten the mood. I nod with a smile, wiping a few years that had fallen. "Yeah. I'd like that." I replied, and she pulled me into a tight hug.

We walked into the dining area, where all the girls had been seated, and all eyes turned to us. "Camz, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Lauren jumps up and pulls me into her arms. "Yeah. I'm fine." I smile into her neck. After a minute, she pulls away. I look and all the girls, who were staring, cough or look down, and away. I chuckle at them. "Hey, girls, let's give them a minute." Dinah says, smirking at Lauren as they all get up and walk out, hugging me on their way to the bunks. "Now or never." I hear Dinah whisper not-so-quietly into Lauren's ear and she blushes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask Lauren, as soon as all the girls are gone. "Oh." Lauren clears her throat and lifts her hand to the back of her neck. "You heard that?" She chuckles nervously, and I nod with a giggle in response. "Do you wanna sit? Let's sit." She says, sitting back down in the same spot she was before. I sit across from her, and she clears her throat again. "Uhm, Camz, there's uh, something I have to tell you." She says, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Is it bad? Was it something I did?" I ask, quickly, hoping she says no. "Oh, no. Definitely not. It's, uh, well it has something to do with you, though." She says nervously. "Well, you can tell me anything, Lo. Just say it." I reach across the table and grab her hand that had recently started nervously tapping the table. She looks up into my eyes and immediately relaxes. But not completely. "Camila, I'm..... IthinkI'minlovewithyou." She spits out, and looks down as I pull my hand out of hers. I had no idea how to respond. Sure, I had hoped she would say it, but not once had I thought how I would reply. I heard her sniffle, and realized she had started crying. "Okay. Goodnight." She says, standing up. I want to reach out and grab her, stop her, and tell her that I love her too, but by the time I can move she has already gotten out of my reach. I see the girls stumble out and crows around me, obviously having eavesdropped on the whole thing. "Mila! What the hell!" Dinah is the first to speak. "I-uh- I..." I stuttered. I was still in shock that the girl of my dreams had just told me she was in love with me. Me. Of all people. "I thought you had feelings for her too." Ally shook her head, confused. "I-uh-I..." I started again, still unable to say anything. "Ohhhh. I see what's going on here." Dinah smirked, and my eyes shot up to hers. "You are incapable of speaking. You've got it bad." She said, the smirk never leaving her face. The girls' faces softened as realization hit them. I felt my face turn red. "I...." I started yet again, but didn't continue. "And you broke poor Lolo's heart." She pouted her lip. "Hurry, Chancho, go fix her!" Dinah pulled me into my feet and pushed me towards the bunks. I felt nervous all of a sudden, for no reason. She obviously had feelings for me, she just admitted it, so why was I so afraid of rejection still?

I stopped in front of Lauren's bunk and prepared myself. "Lauren?" I say, softly. I can hear quiet sniffles from inside. "Yeah?" She says, her voice raspier than usual from her crying. I feel a ping of guilt and sadness, because I was the one who caused this. "Can I talk to you please?" I ask, and her bunk slightly opens. "Ok." She practically whispers. I don't expect her to let me in, and begin talking. "I'm sorry, about earlier. Just I froze up..." I began, but she cut me off. "Do you have any idea how long it took me to finally admit that? And you didn't even let me down easy. You simply just.... didn't say a word. Do you know how much that hurt? I told you how I felt, I put my heart out there for you, and you stomped on it." She said the last sentence with so much hurt, and harshness, that I felt tears in my eyes. "No, Lauren, you don't understand... I-" I began, but was cut off once again. "No, Camila, save it. I get that you don't feel the same-" she starts, but I can't handle it. I grab her face and bring it to mine, kissing her. Though I hadn't ever kissed anyone, it still felt so right. I didn't want it to end. But eventually she pulled away, making me believe she didn't like it. Maybe it wasn't what she expected, or maybe I wasn't experienced enough. I looked down, unable to meet her eyes. "Camz, I- wow." She breathed out, and I looked up surprised. "I love you, Lauren." I clarified.