Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 21

She hates me. The thought stayed in my mind. How could she not? She yelled at me. She says she loves me, but she yelled at me. Next comes the... I was broken out of my thoughts by a knock on the bathroom door. I jumped, startled. "Chancho?" Dinah calls. "Yes?" I say, trying to make my weak voice sound normal. "Is everything alright?" She asks. "Yep. Just fine." I reply, waiting for her response. "Okay." She sighs, and I hear her foot steps walking away from the door.

After I put bandaids on my other, now scarred up, leg I pulled my pants on. I left the room to be greeted face to face with Dinah. "Girl, show me your arms." She demands. I slowly lift my arms and roll the sleeves up. After seeing the untouched bandages she hums in approval. "Thanks for going so long without... you know. I'm proud of you." She smiles softly. I immediately feel guilty, and look down while mumbling a "thank you". I walk out into the kitchen to see Lauren standing there in only an oversized The 1975 t-shirt without pants. I avert my eyes, remembering the night before. She doesn't like you. Don't look at her that way. I told myself, heading straight over to my suitcase to grab clothes to change into.

"Okay, so you guys know the costumes for tonight?" Dinah asks, leaning against the counter while on her phone. "Yup." Lauren replies. "So, Camila, since you aren't showing your arms they said you need something showing 'for the fans'" she uses air quotations "and they turned your costume into a leotard looking thing. Also, yours too laur. All of ours, to match yours." She said. Shit. Was my first thought. "Um, I don't really feel comfortable with that." I reply, sounding about as nervous and worried as I was. "It's fine, Walz. Your legs look great." Dinah said, looking up and down my legs in a non-flirtatious way. Lauren continued to ignore us, of course. "That's not...." I shook my head looking down. "Camila, what's wrong?" Dinah asks, shoving her phone in her pocket and walking over to me. I shrug in response. "I just don't really... feel comfortable." I gulp hard, trying not to cry. "It's okay. We'll show you after tonight that there is nothing to be ashamed of." She grins widely. She didn't understand, and I didn't want her to. So I nodded. "I'm gonna go get changed." I say, grabbing my joggers and sweater from the bag and walking to the bathroom, ignoring the questioning look on Dinah's face.

"Uh, hey Camz?" I hear a quiet voice interrupt my thinking while I sat on my bed. "Hm?" I looked up to see Lauren's sparkling green eyes. I tried to not get caught up in them, quickly looking away. "Listen, I'm really sorry about blowing up at you last night. You're my best friend, and I'm trying to watch out for you and make sure you don't get hurt." She says. "It's fine. I'm over it." I lie. It's the only thing I've been able to think of all day. It's the reason I didn't get any sleep the previous night. "You sure? Like, are we good?" She asks. "Okay, I know you don't really want to be friends, okay? I don't mind if you don't actually wanna be my friend." I shrug, holding back tears. I wouldn't force her to stay if she really didn't want to. "Camila, I love our friendship. I love the special bond we share. How could you ever think I wouldn't want to be your friend?" She asks in disbelief. "Honestly, I wouldn't want to be my friend. I mean, look at me." I shrug sadly. "Yeah, look at you. Gorgeous, perfect body. Plus your mind is amazing and unique. I'm jealous of you!" She announces. "We have to leave in an hour." I say, checking my phone for the time, hoping to avoid this conversation. "Don't change the fucking subject!" She almost yells, startling me enough to jump back a little bit. "Sorry." I mumble, swallowing  the lump in my throat. "Camz, hey." I hear her soft voice and her hand touches my shoulder, causing me to jump once more. "I'm not mad or anything, I'm frustrated. You can't see yourself how I see you. You are perfect in every way possible. Even your battle scars and pretty fucking dope." She chuckles lightly. I nod in response, trying to wiggle out of her grip around my shoulder. "I have to go talk to Dinah about the costume change." I jump up and run out the door. I knew she didn't really want to be my friend. That's why whenever she would say the words ' best friend' she would look uncomfortable. I left the room to go see Dinah.

"Why do you really need pants for your costume?" Dinah questioned. "I already told you..." I begin. "No. I don't want that bullshit story of how you don't like your legs. I have seen you just a week ago wearing a costume like the one we have tonight." Dinah cut me off. I shrug and look down. "Mila..." She starts, her voice sounding suspicious. "Come with me. Right now." She demands, pulling my hand.

She leads me to the bathroom, then locks the door. "Show me." She almost growls. I gulp hard and look down. Dinah can get scary when she's mad. "Show me your fucking legs!" She yells, and I quickly obey, pulling my pants off.  I knew what came next. "No..." She shakes her head. "No, no, no." She bites her lip. "You said you weren't. I trusted you!" Dinah yells, and I take a step back. No. Not mad Dinah. I think. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?!? We're trying to help you here but you're making everything worse!" She continues to yell. I'm making everything worse. Everything. I think to myself. I back away until my back is against the wall. "Maybe we should send you to the crazy house! That's the only place where they can make sure you aren't doing this to yourself!" She yells, getting in my face. I flinch at her closeness and yelling in my face. This was the first time Dinah has been this mad at me. I've seen her get really mad at others, but never like this. I let her down. I disappointed her more. I was frozen in place, my head down, my eyes glued to my shoes. My vocal cords seemed like they wouldn't work, even if I tried. "Get your fucking pants back on. We're gonna go do something about this." She said. I had really made her mad.

We left the bathroom and I was being pulled by my wrist behind Dinah. Her grip was so tight she was digging into my now most definitely open arm wounds. "Dinah you're hurting me." I practically whimpered. "I thought you liked the pain." She growled. I gulped hard, and the tears finally left me eyes. Why was she being so mean? The only thing I could think of was how it confirmed my suspicion. She didn't actually care about me. It's all fake. I wiped the tears with my other sleeve.

I had no idea where we were going. Tears stung my eyes and stuck to my now red cheeks. Suddenly we came to a stop. It was in front of mine and Lauren's hotel room. There was a knock and I heard the door swing open. "Camz? What's wrong?" I hear Lauren's sweet voice. "She did it again." Dinah shook her head. "Camila, no.... tell me you didn't...." She trailed off. She grabbed my arms and checked them, raising a questioning eyebrow when she saw it still looked normal. "No, not there." Dinah says.