Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 19

Lauren's POV
The last few weeks Camila has been doing better, except I had noticed she was almost always on her phone texting Ariana and laughing. I couldn't help the jealousy I felt, and tried to keep myself from despising the girl. But it made Camz happy so I was trying to be happy.

I sat on my bed, in the large hotel room. "Hey, Lo." Camila greeted as she walked in. "Hey." I smiled, trying to hide my thoughts. "What's wrong?" She asked, and sat next to me on the bed. "What? Nothing. I'm fine." I said, not even convincing myself. She placed her hand on my knee, comfortingly. "You know you can tell me anything." She bit her lip with a small smile. "Ok. But if I tell you you can't make fun of me." I say. She nods. I contemplated telling her flat out how I felt, but changed my mind, thinking about how happy Ariana made her feel.

"So, there's this girl I really like." I started, and she looked down. "Oh?" She asks. I nod. "But there's a problem. I don't know for sure but I think she's with another girl. This other girl makes her so happy, and I can see it, but I just get so jealous. I don't know if I should tell her anyways or let her be happy. What do you think?" I asked, figuring she could be able to tell me. "Um..... Well, it's up to you I guess. I-uh- have to use the bathroom." She said, and rushed out. Was it something I said? I thought. I decided to wait for her to come out of the bathroom.

Camila's POV
I locked the bathroom door and slid to the floor. I wanted her to like me so badly, that I didn't think there would really be someone else. But obviously there was, because she wouldn't talk about me straight to my face, and I don't even have another girl I like. I couldn't believe I would even think she liked me back. I'm me. She was too good for me, and she probably knew that. As much as it hurt, I saw this coming. I wanted to believe that maybe just part of her may have liked me, but she didn't. We are best friends. Nothing more. It was probably out of pity too. She felt bad for me because I had no one else.

I turned the sink on and splashed water onto my face. I rolled my sleeves up and admired the bandages, choosing to let them be. Instead, I rolled my sleeves down and wriggled out of my pants. It had been over five years since I had done anything to my thighs, and I ran my fingers down the smooth, clean skin. Maybe if I didn't do it too low nobody would notice. I went into the shower and pulled out a razor. After fiddling with it for a minute I got a blade out. I set the razor on the counter and held the blade in my palm, staring at it. Countless times Dinah had made me promise to never do anything again, especially after all that had happened. I wanted myself to be done with this way of thinking, but it kept crawling back. She doesn't want me. She never has. I kept repeating, until I finally found myself marking at the clean skin on my thigh. I felt relief with the slight sting it gave me. Blood slowly trickled down my leg. Just then there was a knock on the door. I paused.

"Hey Camz! Is something wrong? You've been in there for over an hour!" Lauren called. I hadn't noticed I was in the bathroom for so long. "Yeah. I'm fine." I said. I also hadn't realized how much I had been crying until I heard my own voice. "Oh my.... Camz!!! Open the door!!!" She yelled. "I'm fine!" I said back. I quickly wiped up the blood with toilet paper and flushed it down the toilet, pulling my pants back on. "Open the damn door!" She yelled worriedly. I hid the blade in a drawer. "Camila!!!" She yelled, still sounding worried. I opened the door and she had a concerned look on her face. She pushed the door open and looked around from in front of my. "Give me your arms." She said, sticking her hands out. "I didn't do anything..." I started. "Give me your arms!" She demanded, almost in a yell, cutting me off.

I stuck my arms straight out and she rolled my sleeves up, examining each arm and bandage carefully. After that, she rolled my sleeves back down and pulled me into a hug. "You worried me!" She said. "Why were you crying?" She asked as she pulled away, holding my shoulders. I shrugged. "Camila....." She bit her lip and stared into my eyes, causing me to quickly avert my eyes and avoid her gaze. "Can we-um-not talk about it?" I asked, and she nodded. "Just know that you can tell me anything. We're best friends." She said. I nodded and turned to walk away, her words feeling like a knife stabbing my heart. Best friend. I repeated the words in my head. "That's the problem." I mumbled. "What?" She asked, obviously having heard me mumbling. "Nothing." I turn to her. "Can we watch a movie?" I ask. She just nods.

During the movie Lauren had fallen asleep. I quickly slipped out of bed and onto the balcony. I pulled my phone out and checked the time. 11:00 pm. I dialed Ariana's number and put the phone to my ear. After it rang a few times she picked up. "Hey Mila!" Her perky voice greeted. "Hey." I said, my voice raspy from crying and not talking. "Is something wrong?" She asks. "Yeah. You were. And Dinah. You both told me Lauren liked me but she just sat in there telling about this other girl she likes. I just feel so stupid..." I rambled. "Wait, what? Who?" She asks, her normally happy voice changing to something I couldn't figure out. "Well, she didn't tell me who. And I left before I could ask. She just said that she likes this girl who she thinks is with this other girl." I explain. "I'm really sorry.... are you sure though? I see the way she looks at you..." She says. "Yeah. I'm sure. I wish I could choose who I really liked. I mean, look at you. You're perfect, you're pretty with a great personality, and you actually like me!" I say. "Aww. Thank you. Sadly it doesn't work that way, though." She says. "Yeah." I shake my head, though she can't see me. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight." I say. "Ok. Goodnight." She replies, and I hang up.

I turn around and see Lauren leaning against the doorway. "Who was that?" She asks. "Um.... Ari. How long have you been standing there?" I ask, nervously. I fidget with my fingers, and look down. "Just got here." She shrugs. It was quite obvious she hadn't heard anything because she wasn't yelling or calling me pathetic or even hurting me. "Okay." I nodded, and walked back into the room.