Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 26

Camila's POV
Two months. It's been two months since Lauren officially asked me to be her girlfriend. I thought I would feel different; better. I always assumed that as soon as we were a thing my depression would just go away. It hasn't. I feel the same. Empty. Lauren, although, has still helped me in many ways. She didn't freak out as much as I thought she would when she found out that I was cutting again. She just tried to help calmly.

I didn't feel anymore. I had gotten worse and I knew it. Dinah had been pretty shut off as well. She told me she was fine and she pretended she was, but I could tell that she wasn't. Her and Normani don't talk anymore, either. I figured that that might have something to do with Dinah not being herself. The band is falling apart, and I can't tell if it's all in my mind or not.

"Hey Camz." Lauren's voice startled me out of my thoughts, causing me to plaster a fake smile on my face. "Hey Lo." I replied. My voice must've showed how I was feeling because not even a second later she was by my side, pulling me into a hug. "What's going on baby?" She asked gently. "I don't want to talk about it right now." I sighed. "M'kay." She hummed.

That was another thing that made me feel bad. She was always so caring and careful, and she never pushed me. I knew I didn't deserve her. I felt too broken. What was worse was that I didn't even know if I loved her anymore. I couldn't feel anything, I was numb. Still, I've been very grateful for Lauren and everything that she has done for me. Was I leading her on? Should I tell her how I feel? The questions swarmed my mind, but I didn't want to hurt her. Instead, I decided to talk to Dinah.

As I was getting up, Lauren asked where I was going. I replied with my short answer and walked out of the lounge to find my best friend. Normani, instead, caught my eye. I hadn't pried before because it was none of my business but I was feeling extra weird today, so I slowly approached the dark-skinned girl.

"Hey, Mani." I said, letting her know I was there. She looked up at me from her phone and smiled while greeting me. "Uhm, can we talk? We haven't done that in a while." I asked, to which she replied with "Yeah, of course Mila." I sat down across from her, staying silent for a moment while she just stared at me, waiting to hear what I would say.

"I don't mean to dig in your guys' business, but I've just been wondering.... What's going on with you and Dinah? She hasn't been herself and and neither have you. I'm worried about you two." I finally admitted. Normani cocked her head to the side slightly. "Oh." She said, and paused. Just then, Dinah walked in, very obviously drunk. "Let's talk about this later." Normani quickly said and stood up, disappearing into the lounge.

"Bestie!" Dinah exclaimed and wrapped me into a hug. She backed away and I decided to guide her to her bunk, which she pulled me into. "I have a question for you. That I know I'm only asking because I'm not thinking clearly." Dinah slurred, while cuddling up to me. "Do you still have feelings for Ralph?" She asked. This question caught me off guard. I stayed silent, not sure how to reply. "By Ralph I mean Lauren, of course. In case you didn't realize." She filled the silence once more. After a second, I replied with a quiet "I don't know anymore, Dinah."

My response must not have been what she was expecting because she looked surprised. "Seriously? I thought maybe you were just being extra depressed." She replied, seeming to have sobered up a little. She stared into my eyes, waiting for me to say something. When I didn't, she took that as her queue to lean in just a little further and capture my lips in hers. It felt odd. Very different. Something I never thought I would experience.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds before it turned into a full makeout session. As soon as our feel-ups started advancing, I finally realized what was happening and pulled away. After a second of us both straightening ourselves up, she looked at me. "Uhm, Cheechee... what was that?" I asked. Before I knew it she was spilling her whole Normani story while crying on my chest.