Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 28

Camila's POV
I woke up to an all too familiar smell and an all too familiar noise. The small beeping noise was what woke me. My eyes opened and I saw where I was. I wasn't dead. For the hundreth time I had failed. It was then that I realized there was a weight on my chest. Looking down, I realized it was Lauren. Immediately I felt guilty for what had gone down between us.

I looked to my right and three girls were sleeping all in different positions; Dinah and Ally on the couch and Mani in a chair. None of them looked comfortable. I wondered how long I had been out. Suddenly, a nurse walked into the room. Seeing I was awake, she gave me a gentle smile.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" The nurse asked, walking around the room seeming to check on things. I groaned in response and she nodded her head, before leaving. I felt sick, exhausted, stressed, overworked, sad, and just done with everything.

I saw Dinah begin to stir and I wondered if I should pretend to sleep or not, but her eyes shot open and it was too late. "You're up." Dinah said, and stretched before standing up and walking over to sit on the edge of my bed. "How are you feeling?" She asked. That was the second time I had been asked that today, and I had only just woken up less than five minutes ago. "I don't know." I replied. "Okay." She left it at that.

______________________________________

After the 72 hour watch was up I was finally allowed to get on the plane and back to the tour bus, where my friends were. There were only two shows left and I felt bad for missing so many this tour.

When I arrived to the bus I expected at least one of the girls to be there, but it seemed dormant. I deicided to use my time to rest in my bunk, which was crowded but still the closest thing I had to home. Just then my phone vibrated. It was a twitter notification, somebody that I followed tagged me in a post.

@juliamichaels:
it's really sad when things like this happen to friends. #prayforcamila #suicideawareness @camilacabello

It was then that I realized: the whole world knew. Everyone. I thought management would keep this under wraps since I failed, but I guess not. I finally go in to my messages to check whoever has been texting me, having onky gotten my phone back when I climbed into my bunk and found it, and saw 86 texts from Ariana. Immediately I went in to check them. They were mostly just worried texts,  the last one saying to text her when I could.

Me: hey Ari.
Ari: Mila! You scared me to literal tears! No one knew what was going on or if you would survive until the fifth harmony page posted an update.
Me: well I'm fine, no need to worry
Ari: why didn't you reach out? We've been talking about your struggling so much recently and you said you would reach out if those thoughts started coming back...
Me: I'm so sorry. It was kind of a heat-of-the-moment thing, and I wasn't thinking clearly.
Ari: you guys just showed up in Cali, right?
Me: yeah...
Ari: alright. I'm omw. Send me directions.

I did as I was told and after I didn't get a response, I ended up dozing off. I always had trouble sleeping in hospitals, not even the drugs could keep me under for long, so I was exhausted.

Before I knew it, I was being awoken up by none other than the girl I was just texting. "Ari?" I sat up quickly when I recognized the girl. "Hey Mila. I was in town so I decided to stop by. Come to the roof of the bus with me." She explained, and tugged on my hand.

We made it to the roof and she pulled out a little bag, which I saw some familiar items in that I've only ever seen on tv. "I remember you told me you've never smoked before, so I brought a little treat." Ariana said. She pulled a half-smoked joint out of the bag and took a lighter out of her small backpack, lighting it up and taking a hit. I watched as she held it in and blew out only a small cloud. She offered it to me and I figured why not. I took the joint between my thumb and forefinger, brought it to my lips, and inhaled slowly and carefully, copying Ari's moves. The feeling burned my throat and I began to cough. Ari handed me a water bottle from her bag.

"You might not feel it your first time. Not everyone does." Ari said after I took some more hits, only coughing once more. "Can I have some more?" I asked, feeling kind of funny. Ari flicked the burnt roach off the side of the bus and pulled out a full joint. "This one is held together by wax dab. It'll hit a little harder but it's good." She warned. I put it in my mouth and Ari lit it.

After sitting on the bus for a little longer we decided to climb down. The second joint was halfway gone, and Ari didn't want me to smoke anymore since it was my first time. We went into the bus and shortly after, the girls arrived.

"Camz!" Lauren rushed in and wrapped me in a hug before quickly and alarmingly pulling away. "Why do you smell like weed?" She questioned, and all the girls stared at me. I looked over at Ariana and we both broke out into a giggle fit. "You're high, aren't you?" Lauren asked, but I couldn't stop giggling to even respond to her. Everything felt funny, and I liked it.

Dinah, Ally, and Normani all jumped in and hugged me quickly. "Why didn't you share?" Dinah asked, with a pout. I shrugged, not trusting myself to be capable of speaking at that moment, scared I would say something weird or mess up in speaking, and Dinah just chuckled. "I've got a bunch more if you want some." Ari butted in. "Nah, I was just kidding. Maybe another time?" She asked. "For sure, DJ." Ari agreed, and Dinah left the room towards the bunks, following the other girls.

It just then occured to me that I didn't remember getting into the bus. Did I walk in here myself? Was I sleeping? I was so confused, and my memory of the last few minutes kept slipping. I didn't mind it, though. Ari warned me about not freaking out, and somewhere in my subconscious I was doing my best.

I felt relaxed, and really good. I can't remember the last time I felt this good. I had to smoke more often. I needed to hang out with Ari more. How come I never knew she was such a big smoker? I mean, I knew she had smoked before, but not all the time. I should smoke all the time. It's nice. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel sad.

I love weed. Comment and let me know your best high story if you've ever smoked, because why not. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I'm getting motivation back and I've been writing again, so hopefully another update will be up soon.