Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 1

Camila's POV
The 5th show of the tour just ended. I was making my way to the backstage with the other girls, a large smile on my face. The others were practically glowing. I was in a perfect mood when I heard someone from the audience shout "Camila, you suck!" It shouldn't have gotten to me, but as usual, it did. I always got these sorts of comments, we all did, but they could all ignore it. Unlike me. I swallowed the lump in my throat while trying to keep the smile from leaving my face, which I failed miserably at. I knew it was just a comment, that to most others would be meaningless, but to me it wasn't. I knew those things were true, I reminded myself daily of my stupid imperfections. It just hurt more when other people said it, for some reason.

"Hey, you ok Camz?" I hear Lauren ask. I flinch out of my thoughts and nod. "Yeah. I'm fine." I put on a fake smile. She looks questioningly at me, before getting her attention pulled by Mani calling her name.

After changing, we all make our way into the bus and I go straight to my bunk. I close the curtain and lean against the wall, hugging my pillow to my chest. Today already hadn't been a good day for me, and now that comment tore me down more than it should have. I finally let myself cry. Just then I hear someone walking towards the bunks. Before I have time to wipe the tears away, the curtain opens. "Hey Camz. The girls and I are gonna watch a mov..... Hey, what's wrong?" Her voice and face suddenly change when she sees I was crying. I quickly wipe the tears. "It's nothing, don't worry. Also, I don't really feel like watching a movie, so you guys can do that without me." I sniffle. "You can tell me what's wrong, you know. I am your best friend." She smiles sadly. I smile back the best I can. "I'm fine, promise. Just exhausted." I lie. "Alright. Well, come get me if you need any cuddles or anything." She rubs her hand on my knee before closing the curtain and walking away.

After I hear the movie start, I decide to go on Twitter and maybe see some nice things fans tweeted me, which soon proved to be a big mistake. Sure, there were a couple cute and nice ones, but the rude and hurtful ones ruled those ones out.
@camilacabello you can't sing. maybe do something you'd be good at, like stripping? Jk, no one would wanna see that body, ew

@camilacabello have you looked in a mirror recently? I think you need to start fixing your appearance before going into public..... slut.

I read a few more and just set my phone down. I wiped the tears that started to cloud my vision. They were right. All of them. I couldn't sing. I used to think that, a few months ago, but lately I've noticed that I really can't. And my appearance isn't that good. I look terrible and fat, because I can't stay away from food. I try to find comfort in it, but then notice how fat I am and don't eat for a few days.

I hear the movie still playing and slide quietly out of my bunk. I slip into the bathroom and lock the door. Splashing freezing water on my face did nothing for me, so I decide on something a little more extreme. Not something I've never done before, but it's been a while. I couldn't take the emotional pain anymore. I opened the cabinet and pulled a razor out. After a minute I get the blade out, which drops into the sink. I put the razor in my sweatpants pocket, before pulling the single blade out of the sink.

I admire the shine on the metal before pressing the blade into my forearm. I repeat the process, moving down each time and cutting deeper. I start to get close to my hand and pause. There is so much blood that I can't see the cuts anymore.

Just as I was about to move to the other arm, I heard a knock on the door. Startled, I flinch and the blade catches my finger, leaving a gash. "Yes?" I say, not realizing my voice would sound so weak. It was obvious I was crying, and hopefully the person outside the door wouldn't notice. "Hey Camz. The movie is over. You doing ok? You've been in there for a while." I hear Lauren's voice. "Yeah. I'm fine. I'll be right out." My voice cracks towards the end. "M'kay." She says, and leaves. I take a deep, shaky breath and gulp down hard. I rinse my arm in the cold water, pleased with the terrible sting.

I start to feel light headed as I place multiple bandaids up my arm and I have to grab the sink for support. Putting a bandaid on my finger, I shake it off and put my ear against the door to make sure no one was awake, or moving around. There was no noise so I decided I would be safe, because I didn't have a long sleeved shirt or anything. I stepped out of the room and it was pitch black as soon as I turned the light off.

I started for the bunks and heard movement, then a quiet thud, the sound of someone getting out of a bunk. I gulped hard. "Hey, Camila, why are you still up?" Lauren whispers sleepily. I hadn't realize I had been in the bathroom so long. "I was just.... using the bathroom." I gulped, hoping she wouldn't come closer, with the bandages showing on my arm. "Oh, ok. Do you wanna cuddle? I can't sleep." She says tiredly. "Um, sure." I accept, then quickly remember why I was still up. "Just, wait a minute." I say, slipping past her to my bunk, while hiding the inside of my arm. I grab a sweatshirt I keep on my bed in case I get cold and slip it over my head, cautious of Lauren, behind me. "You know, if you're cold you are just gonna be getting into bed under the blankets. Plus, I'll be there. You don't need a sweatshirt. It'll make you sick in this heat." She chuckled. "Yeah, I'm just really freezing." I try to brush it off, climbing in my bunk. She climbs in next to me and wraps her arms around me. I felt immediate comfort at the gesture.

After a few minutes, I can't take the silence. "So, why can't you sleep?" I ask, turning to face her. "I was just thinking about someone. Also, I have a really bad feeling about something. I don't know what though." She shrugs. "Hm. So who're you thinking of? Someone special?" I question with a smirk. "Possibly." I can see her smirking as well. I couldn't help but feel a ping of jealousy. "Who?" I question. "No one that concerns you." She giggles. "You know, you have to tell me eventually." I joke, with a chuckle. Her expression changes to a more serious one out of nowhere. "Yeah. I know." She says, avoiding eye contact. "Well, goodnight my beautiful Camzi." She says, as she turns into her back, facing the ceiling. I feel myself blush, even though I knew she meant it in the friendliest way possible. "Goodnight, Lolo." I say back.

Thanks for reading my story! I have been writing this for quite a while now and am just now deciding to post it, I hope you like it!!!