Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 6

Camila's POV
It was never my intention to cut so low, but now it was too late. Now both of my arms were covered, one further down than the other. I hadn't even realized how much I had done until I almost got my hand. I, of course, had waited until Dinah fell asleep to come into the bathroom, knowing she would be disappointed. I was just a big disappoint anyways. I hid the blade in my sweatpants and rinsed my bloody arm. I watched the pattern the blood made as it mixed with the water and remembered the group backstage earlier. I blinked away the tears and felt myself getting dizzy. I grabbed the sink and balanced myself before drying my arm and placing bandaids on my arm. The blood was already seeping through before I left the bathroom and I fell over, before I could grab the sink. I could feel my eyes starting to droop and I could barely control the tiredness that started to take over my body. I looked down and saw the blood dripping onto the ground. I knew I had to stop the blood flow or I could die, but then I figured that it wouldn't matter. No one would really care. The girls acted like they did, I don't know why they would but I just knew that no one would really want to be friends with me. That was my last thought before I blacked out.

****

I remember hearing someone scream and then being rolled away on a stretcher, but that was it. I awoke in a room with light blue walls. The place smelled like chemicals. I looked over and saw the IV in my hand and noticed the fresh bandages on both my arms. I blinked the tiredness away from my eyes and also saw that blood was being pumped into me. They didn't let me die. I thought. They should've let me die. Everyone would be happier. I was drawn from my thinking when the door opened. Dinah walked in and her eyes widened. "She's awake!" She yelled down the hall and then ran to my side. "How long was I asleep?" I asked. "Just a day. Chancho you scared the shit out of me. Don't worry, the other girls don't know what's going on. When I found you I thought you were already dead." Her voice cracked and tears brimmed her eyes. "You should've let me die." I mumbled. "What?" She asked softly, as if she knew what I said but hoped that I hadn't said it. "You should've let me die!" I practically yelled. "I don't belong here!" I started to cry. "Camila, don't ever say that again. Because the girls and I love you more than anything. Lauren has been worried so much when she found out you came back here, she didn't even leave her hotel room. I couldn't tell any of them what happened but Mani was there when they were cleaning the bathroom. She knew, Chanch." Dinah spoke quietly. "I'm so sorry." I apologized through tears. "No. Don't apologize, m'kay? I'm just glad that you're still here." She hugged me tightly, and I felt like she wouldn't let go. Until the doctor came in and she stood up straight. "Camila Cabello...... So I have a few mental institutes for you to check out. You need to get better before....." He started. "No. She's coming back with me." Dinah cut him off. "I really don't recommend that, Miss Hansen." He spoke gently. "I don't care what you recommend. Sending her to a crazy house won't make her better. Plus, I have 3 friends who are stuck in a hotel who don't know shit about what's going on and I am not just going to tell them she had to go to the nut house." Dinah spoke harshly. "I'm sorry, but it's best for her...." He started. "No. She is an adult, she can make her own choices. You can't force her to go." Dinah said. "Now, I know we can't for her, but it's for the best. She won't get better staying here." He said. "Let her decide that." She said, looking to me. The doctor looked at me with hopeful eyes. I didn't care if it was going to "help me" or not, I refused to go to a mental institute of any sort. "Sorry Doc, but I would rather stay with my friends." I spoke. My voice was raspy. "Ok, Miss Cabello. I can't make you go. But if you change your mind, call us." He said, smiling and walking out. "She won't!" Dinah called after him. "Thanks, D." I said to her. "No problem. I'm not letting the only Camila I've got get shipped off to a crazy house." She giggled, and I did too.

****

I was finally released from the hospital and Dinah and I had just arrived to the tour bus waiting outside. We had to leave to the next destination today, so the driver was instructed to pick us up from there. I climbed onto the bus after Dinah and the girls all ran to hug me. Except Lauren. She wasn't standing there. After talking or a minute and the girls crying I spoke up. "Hey, where's Lauren?" I ask. The two girls exchanged a glance. "Um. She's not doing too well. She had no idea what's going on with you and hasn't stopped worrying. I don't think she knew we were picking you up, either, because he barely listens to a word we say, zoning out. She won't eat and she is making herself sick." Mani said. "Where is she?" I asked again. "In her bunk." She answered. I thanked her and hugged the girls before heading to Lauren's bunk.

"Lolo?" I say, barely above a whisper as I move her curtain aside. She isn't there, to my surprise, but I hear sniffling coming from across to my bunk. I turn and open the curtain a little to see her eyes closed, tears streaming down her face. She has earbuds in, and she didn't notice I was right there. I reach in and grab her hand. Her eyes open slowly, and she looks over to me before covering her mouth with one hand. "Camz!" She yells. I climb next to her and she grabs onto me, holding tight as if when she let go of disappear.

This is why I'm still alive.