So I have a boyfriend, his name is Brendon and he's the lead singer of his band. Anyways, last night I told my dad that I was at Alex's house and the I'd be sleeping over there when actually.. I was at Brendon's. At first the night started out with him and I watching a movie but one thing led to another.. so long story short, let's just say I am no longer a virgin.
I woke up naked with Brendon's arms around me. I stretched and wiggled myself out of his grasp. Our clothes were everywhere so I went on a little scavenger hunt to find my clothes. Once I got dressed I woke up Brendon to say goodbye. "Hey baby, I gotta get going. My dad is gonna be pissed if I come home later than usual but I'll text you tonight ok?" I said quietly, rubbing my hand on his chest. He smiled and nodded. I kissed him and left.
As I was walking home, anxiety creeped into my head. What if dad hates me after I tell him? What if he kicks me out cause I'm dirty? What if everyone is ashamed of me and they already know what I did?! The invasive thoughts continued to spiral in my head as I kept walking.
I finally made it to my door step and unlocked the door. No one was in the living room so that was surprising. I went into the kitchen to see my dad drinking a cup of coffee. "Hey Y/n, how was it?" Did he know?!? "WHAT?! How was what?" I asked nervously. "The sleepover, sweets? What's wrong?" Dammit I just messed this up! "Oh sorry, I'm just overtired. It was fun. I'm gonna go watch tv now." I headed over to the living room and turned on Netflix. I decided to watch F•R•I•E•N•D•S cause why not?
About twenty minutes later and all my uncles and dad were right next to me watching tv as well. I felt the room get hot as I thought about how I was going to tell my dad. "Hey, you ok? You look kind of pale." Frank asked, looking at me directly into my eyes. I got so nervous and I couldn't take it. I muted the tv and stood up so fast that my head started to pound. I grabbed my head with both hands and sighed.
"What's going on?! Are you ok?!" My dad said anxiously. I couldn't take holding it in so I gathered myself and let out one relaxing sigh. "Dad, uncles, I have something to tell you.. and I don't know if you're gonna like it." My dad gave me a confused look as the others stared at me intently.
"So, you know how I said I was sleeping over at Alex's last night?" They all nodded and I continued, "Well I didn't stay at her house.. I went to my.. boyfriend, Brendon's house instead. We were watching a movie and laying on his bed.." My dad is gonna kill me, he was staring at me with a look that said don't-you-dare-say-it! "So um one thing led to another and I kind of lost something that I'll never get back.. By that I mean.. I um.. we.. ok I can't hold it in, Dad. We fucked ok? I'm really sorry I lied and I'm sorry for what I did." I looked down at me feet, waiting for the anger fit my dad was gonna pull.
"Y/n, you are sixteen. I think that the lying was a little bad but as long as you used protection.. I guess it's ok? But let me tell you," my dad walked closer to me, leaned down and in the deepest voice continued speaking, "If that Brendon kid ever hurts you, I will kill him ok? Don't ever think that I won't." I nodded but was slightly confused. "So you're not mad? Any of you?" The guys shook their heads and shrugged. "Like I said, you're sixteen, I'm not gonna get mad over something that was bound to happen." I laughed, "That is a valid point, Professor." He laughed and ruffled my hair with his hand.
"Y/N?" Frank said as he jumped up to me and pulled me back down onto the couch. "So.. was it fun?" He asked while smirking. I blushed, "FRANK!" I slapped him playfully. "I won't lie, it was fun but that's all the details you're gonna get!!" I laughed and got up. He pouted and crossed his arms. Frank can be such a kid sometimes! I walked into the kitchen and looked into the fridge. I saw a bottle of vodka and a bad thought popped into my head.
I took the bottle and started at it. I used to have a drinking problem when I was fifteen cause my depression was at its worst yet. The bottle mocked me as I stared. I twisted the cap and dropped it onto the floor. I didn't feel like I was in my body anymore. I didn't feel in control. I took one sip. Then another, then three more and sooner or later there was only half a bottle left.
I put it back into the fridge and looked at my hands. I started crying and fell to the floor. Frank ran in and stared at me in shock. "I didn't do it! He did! Help me, I'm s-spinning!!" By this point I was scream crying. My sober self was crying cause I had broke my sobriety but my drunk self was crying cause the floor was cold and I was spinning too fast.
"GERARD!! SHE DID IT AGAIN!" Tears came out of Frank's eyes and mine kept flowing. My dad rushed downstairs and into the kitchen to see me lying on Frank's lap, tears streaming down my face. "Hey hey hey, it's ok. Sweets, look at me," His voice calmed me down as I turned my head to look at him. "Let's get you to bed ok?" I nodded and tried to stand but fell over again onto Frank's lap.
They both helped me up and then my dad picked me up bridal style and brought me to my room. I missed Brendon, I wanted him in my arms again. I longed for his sweet lips, his soft gaze with those chocolate eyes of his. I just wanted him at that point and I couldn't have him.
The next morning I awoke to talking downstairs. I was confused and once I stood up my head felt like it was going to explode. Ugh! My head! Then it all came rushing back to me, the temptation of the bottle of vodka, the crying, the complete failure that I am. One full year of sobriety, gone. I sighed and went downstairs to where the voices were coming from.
I looked into the living room from the staircase and saw Brendon talking to my dad. He caught me staring and ran up to me. "Y/n! I'm so glad you're ok! Your dad said you were screaming my name, saying how you wanted me back. It crushed me, Y/n. I'm sorry." There were tears in his eyes. I hugged him and we kissed. Soon I remembered that my dad was right in the living room so I broke the kiss and smiled.
We both went into the living room and I sat next to my dad. "I'm sorry I had that bottle in the fridge. I wasn't thinking of how it could affect you, I'm sorry for making you relapse." My dad said softly. "Dad! It wasn't your fault, or yours, Brendon. It was my fault, I shouldn't have let the voices get to.. me." My dad hugged me and cried on my shoulder.
The rest of the day was full of dread. I felt horrible and my stutter was coming back. When I was younger I used to have a bad stutter but it slowly faded. I noticed that every time my depression got bad, my stutter would come along with it.
"D-Dad, I don't t-t-think I'm ok any-anymore." He took me in for the 23433245th hug today as we sat on the couch, crying together. I needed help again, just when thing were starting to get better.. everything fell apart.
A/N: sorry this got sad real fast. I hope you liked it I guess. I'm just not feeling so great myself. But anyways
Stay safe killjoys
xx
