⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
(not proof read)
Today was the day... I was going to end it all. There's too much bad things going on.. in my head. My friends all knew I was sick in my head, sick with depression, anxiety, and dark thoughts. They helped me through a lot. Gee would always sing songs to me. Mikey would teach me how to play bass. Ray would take me to diners all the time. Frank would come to my apartment late at night and watch tv with me, but nothing helped me fight the urge to end it.
It was the last class at college, I was supposed to go with my friends to walk me home. Class was dismissed as I jumped up and ran out to He front section of campus, to meet Gee. I saw him standing all alone, his black hair blowing in the wind. He spotted me and smiled. I smiled back because god knows I can't resist that smile of his.
"Hey, how was your day?" He asked sweetly. He was always so nice to me, I didn't deserve to be treated nice.
"It was shitty but when isn't it?!" I laughed and Gerard sighed and gave me a hug. I breathed in softly, taking in the hug like it was my last... of one of my last.
We walked to the entrance of the campus where Frank, Mikey, and Ray were standing, waiting for us.
"Y/N!! We missed you!!" Frank yelled.
"It's literally been a day!" I laughed. He hugged me and smiled.
We walked to my apartment, talking about our days and how hungry we were. As soon as we got to my front door I stopped.
"Guys, I hope you know that I love you guys.. so so so much. Don't blame yourself for anything I do, okay? Nothing will ever be your guys' fault." I said softly, tears covered my eyes but I didn't let them fall.
"What are you talking about, Y/n?" Ray asked, clearly concerned.
"Nothing, I love you guys." With that, I unlocked my door, ran inside and shut the door behind me, locking it.
I sighed and silently cried. I hated seeing them worried about me, especially Gerard. I loved him, despite the fact that I would never admit that. I was never into dumb sappy lovey-dovey things.
I took a deep breath and ran into my bathroom, taking my phone with me. I decided to tweet a goodbye. Since I was the lyricist for My Chemical Romance, Ray, Mikey, Frank, and Gerard's band, everyone considered me part of the band. So I had many followers and fans. I didn't want to leave without thanking and saying goodbye to my fans.
Your tweet:
Thank you guys for being there and supporting me and the band. I can't thank you enough and I love you so much. Before I go, I have to say sorry, sorry for doing this. I just can't take it anymore. I love you guys, goodbye.
I set my phone down and it instantly started buzzing. I looked at the screen and I saw so many replies saying "don't do it" and "it's not wort it". They were wrong. I sighed and opened the mirror cabinet. I looked around for my xanax. I finally found it and started at it. My phone started ringing. I picked it up to see it was Gerard. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about him.
I decided to pick up the phone and answer.
"H-hello?" I asked, I choked up from crying.
"Y/n, Y/n please don't do this. I-I love you so much! I can't have you take your life!"
"I can't take it anymore, Gee! I'm sick in my head! It hurts, Gerard, it hurts!" I screamed and cried over the phone.
"I'm on my way with the guys! Do not do anything please!"
I hung up the phone and quickly opened the pill bottle. I stared straight into it, looking at those pills. They mocked me as tears fell harder. I didn't want to leave my friends but everything just hurts too much. I dumped the pill bottle out onto my hand, there was about 10 in my palm. I took some water from the sink and gulped them down.
I looked around and started to think of what u just did. I couldn't believe it, I'm going to die soon. I screamed and grabbed my head. I cried hard and harder. I feel on the floor and banged on the tiles.
"Gerard!!!" I missed him so bad, I loved him so much.
My vision started to get blurry. I knew the pills were kicking in. I didn't have much time left. I sighed and looked down. I started to accept my decision.. my decision of death. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pills to finish me until I heard a band on the front door. Multiple people were at my door. I knew it was Frank, Mikey, Ray, and Gee.
"Y/n!! Don't you do it!! You better not have done it!!" Gerard cried. They managed to unlock my front door. I tried to get up but I was too dizzy. Frank barged into the bathroom and picked me up.
"I-I took th-them already." I mumbled.
"CALL 9-1-1!!!" Frank screamed. Ray rushed his phone out and called.
"It's gonna be okay, Y/n, don't worry." He said, looking into my eyes.
I looked around the room, my eyelids were getting heavy. I was fading in and out. I saw random strangers barge into the house, probably the paramedics. I took one last glance at Gee and noticed he was broken. His eyes were red from tears. In that moment of time, I realized how many people I was hurting from this... this stupid decision.
As I took one last look, my eyes shut for good... or so I thought. I couldn't see anything but I could here sirens and I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't. I faded out again.
I came back once more, I tried to open my eyes and I saw doctors looking over me. They were speaking but all I heard was muffled talking. I shut my eyes again.
...I'm... alive? My eyes were closed but I felt a bed underneath me. I heard people talking, familiar voices. I instantly knew Frank, Gerard, Ray, and Mikey were there. Then it sounded like... Pete? Pete, Patrick, and Brendon?! I tried to open my eyes and once hey did, there was a bright light in my face.
I looked around the room and saw everyone staring in awe.
"Y/n!" Pete yelled. He ran to me and grabbed my hand.
"Please don't leave again." He said quietly. A tear fell from his eye. I squeezed his hand and smiled, "I won't." I responded.
I spent half an hour talking to the guys, thanking them, telling them sorry and stuff. They soon left but My Chem stayed.
"I really am sorry." I said, looking out the window. It was raining, I liked the rain.
"Guys.. can you... y'know.. give us a minute?" Gerard said awkwardly. I smirked at his cuteness.
They left and Gee was the only one in the room. He took a deep breath before stepping towards me and taking my hand.
"Y/n, I know you've have been through some tough shit, and I know it sucks, but you can't just leave. We all have to keep fighting, otherwise we'll just get knocked down. We've been through so much, 10 years of friendship, going on our little adventures, going to different tours. I know this sound sappy and I know how much you hate sappy lovey-dovey shit," I chuckled at that, " but I really can't live without you." Gerard leaned down, his face was inches away from mine. "I love you, Y/n."
My eyes grew wide. I never thought he'd feel the same way as me.
"Gee, I love you too. I don't want to ever leave you again." Gerard leaned in and kissed me. My heart fluttered and my stomach filled with butterflies. Our kiss lasted long, until Frank barged in with his phone... recording of course!!
"LOVEBIRDS SINCE DAY ONE!!" He yelled. I laughed and Gerard rolled his eyes playfully. How could I leave these guys?
A/N: sorry I've been gone but I hope you like this guys🙂
Stay strong, killjoys!!
xxxxxxx
