foreign space - poetry&prose

wenrene ○ heartstain

joohyun wakes up silently in the morning, not wanting to wake up the girl beside her.

she gets out of bed without warning, and tiptoes her way to the closet. opens it, and stares at selection of clothes before her. in the end, she settles for a simple tee and jeans. everything else is in her luggage anyway.

she changes in the bathroom after brushing her teeth. when she washes her face, she looks up at the mirror, not really anticipating her reflection.

but god, she looks like a mess. she attempts to blink away the tiredness in her eyes and the disgusting taste in her mouth.

she walks out, and she makes the mistake of looking straight ahead.

seungwan sleeps soundly, her chest rising with every breath. the sight of it is so peaceful and she looks so at ease, that joohyun thinks that this is the life she could live.

that if she stares at the younger girl any longer, she might change her mind and stay.

so she looks away, choosing to stare at the pale, rundown wall right at the doorway. she knows she regrets doing this, but it's for the best. because it's just so obvious: seungwan is simply too good for her, and she is a mess who can't admit to anything. who isn't sure of anything.

she was a liar when she told her that she wanted to settle down. do everything they wanted together.  and in the end, just be by each other's side.

joohyun can't give her that. the concept is too scary and too foreign to her, and she's afraid that she'll drift away, leaving seungwan behind, hurt and broken and asking what she did wrong.

the more hope you have, the more it hurts.

it was always better for short term pain than long term.

so she takes one last look at seungwan, hoping the blonde girl will find someone soon. someone who will laugh when she tells a joke. someone who will always be in awe of her beauty, and the way she does everything so effortlessly and with effort, and how everything is in her. to always love her smile that could light up planets.

to love her just like joohyun did, but even more. even better. just enough for seungwan.

she wants to leave her a parting kiss, the way they always do when one leaves the house. but she knows that it will be uncompleted, and that would mean coming back to her to finish it.

she settles for whispering a "i love you" before she grabs her luggage and leaves the bedroom, hoping seungwan does and doesn't hear it. because it's true, but it does not mean it in quantity, and it just terrifies her so much on how the younger girl makes her feel this.

she walks out the door, feeling lost.

- lost boy

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this is so bad urgh but i just really wanted to post something and i've always wanted to write something along the lines of this?? ye pls continue the love i won't do it again hHHHHHhh

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