foreign space - poetry&prose

wenjoy ○ cherry wine

seungwan sits in front of the mirror, picking up a cotton pad and dabs it with some of the makeup remover. she pauses for a while, taking a deep breath before looking back up at the mirror. she stares at herself, sitting straight and forcing a smile. her pearly whites showing in the mirror, her eyes forming crescents.

ouch. her left eye hurts a little. a little bad move, she supposes. she sighs, dropping the act. and she takes the cotton pad and dabs at her face, removing the foundation. she does it carefully, not wanting to touch the area where it hurts. the worst for the last.

she laughs as sooyoung walks over to her, her steps a little wobbly. but seungwan knows better than that, she keeps a careful eye on sooyoung's hands, which clench into fists and unclench. sooyoung laughs along and smiles at her, kissing her a little. "i love you," she whispers.

"i love you too," seungwan breathes, because it's true. even when she could just say "i know," but she knows that's just denying things. she does love sooyoung. sooyoung, who pretends not to be amused by her jokes but ends up laughing anyway, who teaches her to take risks, who kissed her outside the coffee shop and didn't do anything for a minute than just look at her, eyes searching every inch of her features. "i love you," she said then. "i love you," she says now.

seungwan keeps that in mind when sooyoung lands a hard slap on her face and pushes her to the ground. and she keeps it in mind when sooyoung starts to hit her, across her back and across her face. it's always her left eye, though, the other girl is right-handed. when sooyoung throws things at her (anything - as long as it's nearby), she keeps reminding herself she loves you she loves you she loves you, trying not to be scared.

this is her sooyoung, right?

every time it's over, the red-haired girl tends to go out or just pass out a little before waking up and acting like nothing ever happened. or just looks at her the same way she did before, searching her features, eyes scanning over the bruises on seungwan's pretty face. and at those moments, she tries to show she's not scared. chin up, smiling a little.

she wants to shrink into a small ball, sometimes. be alone for a while. think about things. she wants to be as small as she can, because maybe that way, sooyoung won't see her. and she won't have to worry about bruises and scars she uses makeup to hide.

she wipes the makeup away on her left cheek, and slowly moves up to the area around her left eye. making sure it doesn't hurt, she lightly dabs at it and slowly, she can see the red specks of bruised skin make their way to her reflection. is this beauty sooyoung likes to see?

(it's ugly, seungwan admits to herself. no matter how much she tries to convince herself. it hurts, and she wants it to stop. even when she tries to remind herself of all the time they spent together, how sooyoung had told she meant so much to her.)

she continues until all the makeup is off, and she places the cotton pad on the table. and there it is, a reoccurring bruise on her left eye, for the whole world to see. it's big, and it's ugly, and it was done by the woman she loved.

from the corner of her vision, she sees sooyoung approach and she doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement, and waits until the other girl is beside her.

sooyoung tilts her head towards her and leans forward, planting a lonely kiss on her lips. eyes seemingly sad. she touches her face softly and crouches down, caressing her cheek. they kiss a little. and seungwan closes her eyes a little, until the pain shoots up again and she winces as sooyoung pulls away.

and there she goes again, examining every single speck of dust on seungwan's face until she finds it. and her eyes turn a little more convincingly sad, and it's like her whole being is drooping as she just stares at it.

she doesn't touch it. instead, she takes a few strands of seungwan's hair and place it over her bruise, making sure it's covered. and she doesn't say anything as seungwan kisses her again, trembling and scared that sooyoung will do something else.

the red-haired girl looks away, refusing to look at her as she stands up and leaves.

no apologies. no acknowledgement. just, cover up my mistakes.

seungwan tries not to show her quiet anger as the girl steps out the door, and just looks back toward the mirror. smiles a little again as her hair covers her left eye.

then she lets the tears fall.

- the way she tells me i'm here and she is mine,
open hand or closed fist would be fine

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines

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