foreign space - poetry&prose

wenrene ○ stars in the sky

seungwan opens the door, to be suddenly hugged and buried in a mass of hair. she smells fabric softener, and she knows who it is.

"i'm sorry," joohyun sobs. "i am so, so sorry."

she just holds her, both of them blocking the doorway. it's rude, but she asks. "why are you here?" she whispers.

"i don't know," the older girl admits, "i was just working on my project and everything, and it just came crashing down, and the first person i thought of was you, and it's been three months and-"

"start over."

"what?"

seungwan feels just as fragile as joohyun does, but her voice is steady as she repeats the phrase. "start over. we can do that. just, you know...... try."

it's not like anybody brightens at the phrase, she's sure that joohyun knows that it's stupid to try and force things back to the way it was. it never works out. and it feels like a daunting responsibility to and for both of them. it's not like they're back to where they were, not like joohyun's gonna just suddenly move in and claim her room.

so they just move to the couch as seungwan flips through a bunch of channels, whispering a "wait here" to the other girl as she grabs tissues and a bag of chips.

...

the next morning, she wakes up to smell of pancakes and goes to the kitchen, hair messy, in an oversized shirt. she stares as a raven-haired girl pays no attention to her, frying pancakes. "what's this?"

joohyun turns around, obviously startled. "uh- i want to thank you. for yesterday. it was- it was just a bad time for me. i'll be going after this."

"you're not serious," seungwan raises her eyebrows. when joohyun appears confused as to what she's referring, she chuckles. "babo, you don't remember what you promised yesterday? you gotta keep it. otherwise i'm reporting you to the police for breaking my trust."

it starts with a promise.

...

it's the small things, she realizes.

the little smile joohyun lets out after someone has complimented her on something. the way she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear when she's shy. the stupid way her eyes form crescents and her mouth opens wide whenever the tv shows something funny.

the way she laughs just the same when seungwan tells her a joke. the way she tucks a strand of seungwan's hair behind her ear whenever she's watching her do her assignments. the way she lets out a huge smile when seungwan wins at mario kart and hugs her. "you're amazing," she says every time. even when the blonde girl loses at it.

the way seungwan wraps a blanket around the older girl when she's sick and coughing. the way she buys tons of fabric softeners to add to her laundry, the way she doesn't add it to her blankets because joohyun tells her that it's a smell she surprisingly doesn't mind. the way she accompanies her to work, giving her a hug before leaving.

it's the shine in joohyun's eyes when they fight over the smallest things, the crack in her voice. it tells seungwan everything.

why are we fighting for something that wasn't really there in the first place?

but seungwan knows that you have to fight for the good things to take place, and even after they fight, she just traces circles on the other girl's palm, admiring the lines on them and the constellations they make. constellations she could lose herself in. "i'm sorry." she softly says. it might sound unrealistic and who knows, a little toxic, but they're fighting for something that's not, and they are both perfectly aware that they don't need to go through this. that if this doesn't work, they can pull out, and they don't ever need to try again.

seungwan thinks it's that kind of understanding they gave each other that prompted them to try in the first place.

"i'm sorry," joohyun whispers back. "for making you feel like this."

"i understand."

small baby steps. they can do this.

...

slowly, things fall in place.

seungwan is used to waking up to pancakes now. she eats them with milk on the side, and looks up every once in a while to look at joohyun, who's grinning opposite her. she smiles along as well.

joohyun fixes the younger girl's collar whenever she goes to work, helps pick at her lips, and fixes her hair. "you should look great. i think," the raven girl tells her. frankly, the only person she wants to look great in front of joohyun, so she just hums. she doesn't forget to say "love you" whenever she leaves.

when they lay on the couch, the older girl lies on the couch, her head on seungwan's lap. slowly, she drifts to sleep, and subconciously smiles when the other girl runs her fingers through her hair and whispers soft melodies to her.

their second first kiss isn't much of a surprise to both of them. it's when they're back to where they started, at the doorway, joohyun leaving to buy groceries. seungwan watches as joohyun grabs the keys. and she's suddenly reminded that it's not exactly a sunny day today, and she manages to get a jacket and wrap her in it just as she walks out the door. "stay safe," she mumbles into the older girl's ear.

joohyun turns around, sighing contentedly. "seungwan-ah," she says. "can i kiss you?"

she doesn't skip a beat. "okay. i mean, it's a mandatory kiss before you go off to war or-"

then she feels a pair of soft lips on hers, and the warmth she feels in her whole body just...... she doesn't know. just feels so nice.

"it's just groceries, seungwan," she laughs. "it wasn't mandatory. i just wanted to do it."

"me too," she replies awkwardly. "that's great, i guess."

they stay like that for awhile, joohyun in seungwan's arms. and seungwan just knows. they're somewhat there.

doesn't mean they should stop, though.

- 就像你无论在哪, 都回到我身旁  

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originally, the kiss wasn't supposed to be in the oneshot and this was meant to be purely uncompleted. it was supposed to stop abruptly, but well, the fanfic writer in me said no, so here you go! although it feels weird. maybe i shouldn't have written the kiss in. obviously this was inspired by yoona's station (chinese version because i'm a hoe for my own mother tongue).

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