foreign space - poetry&prose

where did you go

you laughed today. well, not really. but a simple text through kkt, on my private, that was enough to make me feel so relieved. and happy.

even if when you said it was for nothing (that somehow made me feel even better).

it's been what, three, four days we've talked to each other? i can't even remember. it feels like centuries.

then again, that's what we were built on, weren't we? listening to each other, thinking of each other long after that, finding each other in songs (me more than you). how much we made each other smile.

when did that privilege go to others?

(you always called me first. i was too shy, putting your opinion first. i wanted to be better because of you,remember? or maybe i should've been bolder. maybe that wouldn't have lead to now, where i stay silent as you say sweet nothings to other girls.)

i was always scared of losing you. but i've never been as scared as now. it's scary how far we've grown apart.

remember when i first cried, and you took time off to make sure i was okay before we went back to the group call? i'd never known anyone like that, anyone who cared so much.

why can't i do the same thing as you did for me? why, even when i repeatedly tell you you can tell me anything, you decide not to?

(why do you decide to tell your problems to others and act like you don't know anything when i try and ask you about it?)

i just- i don't know. it's so funny, i always have things all planned out. but when i write it down, it goes out the window.

- for the girl i tried to write down in words but always failed, this is the second thing i've drabbled on about you. the first was about everything i knew about you, until i didn't.

171130

p.s. (update) rereading our last conversation, you actually seem to be much happier. probably the best thing that's happened to me this week.

p.p.s. laughing at i² will be fun huhuhuhuhu [cut for length]