foreign space - poetry&prose

charon

and your parents scream

and throw things at you,

but you are immune now,
you do not care how many times

they do it because

no matter what you do,

it will get worse.

do you remember when you
cried and you asked
your mother to stop
hitting you with the hanger?

and your mother told
you to shut up
and stop crying,

and i think
that's when you stopped
at all.

(you were thirteen.)

your parents ask,
"why aren't you saying
anything, huh?"

"would you want
to listen?"

and so, so shamelessly
they admit they wouldn't.
because that's not
their purpose.
their purpose
is to make sure you do
not do anything again.

you're not their daughter anymore-
they can't see past you using
your phone.
you're not their daughter anymore-
you are a problem they
need to solve.

and of course, this was brought on by you.
that's why you cry yourself to sleep
and refuse to show your tears in front of everyone
that's why you slap yourself every night
whenever they make their side remarks

you're not kind or nice
or trying to get your good grades
you are just trying to get your phone back.

and art, art, the one thing
you are most passionate in-
they believe you would give it
up for a chat. they don't believe in
the artworks you show them,
what you created while you listened to your favorite set of music.

they aren't valid as long as anything like your phone was involved.

your parents aren't your parents anymore,
they are the cause of most of your breakdowns,
they are the people who have beaten you since you were eight,
they are the people who ridiculed you
and said it was a joke.

but,
they are also the people
who brought you on trips to london,
and lifted you up when you were little,
they are the people who work hard for your bills, the people
who watch movie night with you,
the people you love very much.

that is just why the pain is worse than everything else.

- i am so tired

180122