Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
i. sex she's the first girl you've ever loved. sure, there have been suppressed slight crushes on the girl in your primary school. but she- she's your first love.
it starts off with twenty questions. and slowly, you click.
"and a free kiss on the face," she says so enthusiastically, you're only left to wonder whether she means it.
you tell her about how you want to be there for her when she's sad and just sleep together, and she thanks you. you think, maybe this can be just courtesy.
you don't really think that when she starts plaguing your dreams. sometimes, you know it's her. and you kiss her. because that's what you want to do.
she lives in las vegas, with a family situation that's not the best and her combat boots. she talks to you about her dreams and her worries, and you tell her your insecurities.
(so many promises. i promised you we'd live in an apartment together and when i was old enough, i'd fly over and take you on a ride.)
i cared for you so much it scared me sometimes that you might never know.
and i never really wanted you to know, until you asked if i had been true.
how jealous i had been when she talked about the girl of her dreams. you think, it's unfair because i've been wanting to her to come over, i'm the one who's been there for her.
and you realize, as she says "i liked you too," you were too late.
ARE WE HAVING A MOMENT?
ii. 4 o'clock she's the moon. you've said this before.
you remember the first time you called each other, into the late night. your mother had woken up and given you a good beating. she stayed silent, but she was there, you would find out later.
her voice was the prettiest thing you'd ever heard. and sweet things used to flow from her lips too, while you were on a couch trying to keep a straight face and not burying yourself into the cushion.
when you cried that night, she was there. and you thought that counted.
it takes her four days or so to admit that she liked you. and you stare at the screen, mouth slightly dry. you don't know what to say, because you liked her too. a whole too much.
it takes her a week to ask you to be her girlfriend. and you think it's apt- it's a particular couple's celebratory day, and it's funny how irene's your bias and seulgi's hers.
it takes only a week or more for her to tell you she'd been in love with someone else all along. what's worse is that you kind of expected.
what's worst? "i'll stop if you tell me to," she says. "just tell me."
